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I can only speak for myself, but my parents HAVE given thousands upon thousands to my other siblings and not me. I think its part of being in a loving family. All families have issues, and I know mine does too. I think my dad prefers some of my other siblings over me. I just think that money should go to who needs it in a family.

And that its on you to earn your own money and not take handouts. God, sometimes you really can be bitchy, LBH. This is a new low — even for you. So holier than thou.

What does shade mean? I thought it was ridiculous, but awesome all at the same time. I guess it is hard for me to understand where you all are coming from because I do have a loving and supportive family.

He needed it at the time. They have now since given me the amount gradually, but I had no expectation of it and was honestly surprised they felt the need to even us out. My mom will spend the exact same amount on both of us at Christmas.

She will buy an extra pair of socks or whatever for one of us to even it out! Bittergaymark November 20, , 3: For the record — my folks are also absurdly Even-Stevens when it comes to my sister and I. Frankly, I am amazed so few on here will admit this. She is fully capable of supporting herself.

If she was physically or mentally handicapped it would be an entirely different situation. My inlaws actually have bought my SIL a house, paid for her entire education and much of her living expenses for most of her adult life. We have also received some help but to a much lesser amount. And I am not upset or angry at all. I just think that people are entitled to their feelings, and that feeling bummed out about something that feels unfair does not make you a bad person.

Shaming someone for their hurt feelings is just a shitty thing to do, and when I called you on it, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you doubled down. So, yeah, I guess we disagree, but not on what you seem to think we disagree. I disagree with them. The reason I felt ticked off by this LW is because, as I saw it, she was more pissed about the money than the fact she thinks her parents love her less than her sister. Its just a debate.

And I was actually really careful to say that what you were saying came off that way, not that you were those things. You chose to take it personally. This is getting annoying. Have a good day. Pointing out where you are being unkind is bitchy? When was this made the rule? Her feelings are what they are. What matters is what she chooses to do with her feelings. Is that also not a wrong feeling?

I thought it was the norm. Clearly I was wrong. Weird day on dw. LadyinPurpleNotRed November 20, , 2: I do think its wrong to have feelings of rage and hate.

Do most of us have them? Feel how you want. This, iseeshiny, is what I was referring to when I said you are very good at being as bitchy as possible, without actually calling me a bitch. Read the comment of mine that you replied to here with such attitude. There is literally nothing nasty about it. Oh, so this comment above is the one where you decided it was ok to say hurtful things. On one hand, it would bother me if we me or my parents were giving her a bunch of money. But not for why you think.

However, we me and my parents HAVE given her tons of money anyway, because we love her and want her not to be homeless or suffering. You are spouting sanctimonious bullshit here and you know it. But my, is the bullshit ever getting deep in here. Honestly, I usually have a feeling when a comment I have is one that no one will agree with. I really assumed most people felt this way. Addie Pray November 20, , I think anyone that thinks like that is messed up.

It seems she just wants it because her sister is getting it. What is she, 5 years old? Ah, thank you Addie! Grilledcheesecalliope November 20, , 1: Honestly there are a lot of people who for some reason feel like the less loved child, and so LBH seems to be hitting a raw nerve.

I get pissed when someone tells me that I should be less irritated about my sister being spoiled when I had to work for everything. It is a little mean to say the LW is acting childish, and she did say that her sister has been favored for years so it most likely is not just the house.

I also disagree with your comment. LBH posted several comments, each increasingly critical and edging toward cruelty, and so I voiced my disagreement and, incidentally, concern with the tone of her comments.

Addie Pray November 21, , 7: I got busy at work and then had a screening after work. Sure, we all have moments that are not our best. And we should make a conscious effort to be better! Each time you give her money… you take away an opportunity for her to learn from her mistakes.

She will never learn. A lousy way to think about this situation: Each time you give her money…. So, the way I see it, you have three choices: I think the second situation is lousy, but I think the weird thing is that some families are like that.

Some money was loaned to one sibling and not another earlier in life when it was needed. And it was taken care of in the inheritance so that the other sibling was compensated for it.

Which is weird for me to think about because my Mom is so NOT like that. But, what can you do? And her family did that all the time. I mean down to the penny everybody gets the exact same. Actually it trickled down to grandchildren too. But, it does happen! So hopefully either way it will be a wake up call to realize. You have to learn to let go.

Or you are going to be on miserable person! I guess its just call a spade a spade. The way it is written is very money is the bottom line. Money is a hugely sensitive issue for people as are parent-children relationships-so its understandable this is a more contested letter. Yes it could be related to other things-but this is what the LW gave us. If the LW had framed this letter in a different way, I think that a lot of the responses would be very different. It sounds like your entire family is on the same page and very generous with their money and help.

They might be helping with a down payment or closing costs. So would the rest of you. Only most are simply too delusional to admit it. Bittergaymark November 20, , 1: Sue Jones November 20, , 1: Am I going to have to separate you 2? You are both grounded! WAPS November 20, , 2: Grilledcheesecalliope November 20, , 4: It is generally sarcasm or veiled insults.

I like to think of it as subtle snark. I kind of love that expression. I hope no one is over its usage yet. WAPS November 20, , Meh, I think most of us understand the resentment over the favoritism in general.

They helped me with my student loans worth about tenth the value which I appreciated. I was angry for a long time because it seemed like I was being punished for my diligence and hard work and my sister rewarded for the opposite.

But in the end, I figured out a way to come to terms with it because then I would be mad all the time. While my sister was all happy and fine with it? I guess my point is that I agree, most people would be mad as hell over it.

But from someone who is in that position, I had to find a way to work through it. FossilChick November 20, , The only thing you can control is your reaction to the situation. I can absolutely relate to the resentment, but being resentful only hurts you. So whatever you do, whether you talk to your parents and ask for money to start your family or decide not to mention this to them, also realize that you need to decouple the practical issues of money and financial support from the emotional issues of sibling competition, unequal love, and judgement that are happening here.

The money issue is a symptom, the love issue is the disease. While there certainly may be exceptions, aging parents really, really want grandchildren. Children ARE expensive, and can be as expensive as you want, up to and including live-in nannies or giving up full time employment to stay home. Skyblossom November 20, , There are parents who favor one child over others and they usually do so for the rest of their life.

Favoritism is a nasty, hurtful thing that harms families. The reality is that your sister will probably continue to spend more money every month than she earns and so your parents will continue to pay for her month after month.

It is just a fact of life. You can only control yourself. Talking to them will probably lead to nothing positive. My experience is that a parent who favors a child makes excuses for that child during their entire childhood. The rules never apply to them for one reason or another. The favored child grows up to be an emotionally immature and financially irresponsible adult who continues to live off the parents and the parents will always have an excuse as to why the adult child needs help.

There is nothing you can do about that. You can control yourself. You can continue to be responsible. There are people who adjust their will according to how much money they have given one child before they die. My MIL has done that with her will. Any money she gives to her daughter is automatically deducted from the amount her daughter will receive so my husband will receive a larger inheritance than his sister will.

His mom does that because she cares about being fair. My great grandfather did the same. You can make sure that you apply your family rules to all of your children equally. Your sister will likely continue to spend this way until your parents die. Then she will run through the inheritance and then she will be broke at an age where it is difficult to make it better. The other thing you can control is how much time you spend with your family.

You can surround yourself with people who treat you as an equal. You can create your own support group and spend time with people whom you love like family. You can limit your time at their home over the holidays or skip their home entirely. You can control how much of their hassle you will tolerate.

If you think you are likely to explode over Thanksgiving maybe you and your husband could take a short trip instead. Let the money go. Try to find peace within yourself. Focus on those things that you can control and choose the people who will be in your life based on how they treat you. My immediate family is great, but my extended family on both sides is so incredibly dysfunctional.

He, coming from a relatively happy, loving family just could not comprehend that people in real life would behave in a terrible, damaging way to their family. Skyblossom November 20, , 2: One example, my parents remodeled some bedrooms and my mom has always saved the larger, nicer one for my sister. Even if we are there for two weeks and she is there for two days she gets the bigger room.

Even if there are four of us and she brings herself and one child she gets the larger room. When we stay we get worn out pillows but my sister gets new ones. We are usually given worn out blankets but once there was a nice comforter on the bed. What a nice surprise until I pull the comforter down to get in when I was going to bed, only to find that the comforter had a huge, unwashed bloody spot right where it would be next to my face.

My mom is really great at making the room look okay if you just glanced in, like my dad might, but having nasty little surprises hidden away. I know it took me years to reprogram all the issues I took away from dealing with my aunts, cousins, and biological father. I can only imagine how rough it was to heal from that kind of shitty treatment from your mother. Moral support for you from me!

I gave up on my mom long ago. I dutifully call her once every other week and send her cards on the appropriate holidays and presents when needed. I also live 1, miles away from her which helps! My sister grew up to be emotionally immature and so ended up with an emotionally immature husband because who else will marry you when you are immature. It is a sad way to live your life. I loved your comment Skyblossom. I feel for the LW. Skyblossom is right that you can only control how you deal with your family and how much interaction you have.

It took moving away and putting emotional and physical distance between us to not feel like the second best child in my family. Parents give to one and not the other. My parents hate each other. All that fun stuff. Having been through what the LW has to a degree, I would guess that everyone focusing on the money from parents issue, is missing the forest behind the trees.

Make passive aggressive statements at Thanksgiving and buy yourself Christmas presents this year. Seriously though I think what you really wanted was some understanding and commiserating. Be proud of yourself and how self sufficient you are but if you want to get snarky sometimes, or ask for money for therapy go ahead.

Rather than making passive aggressive comments, which will only inflame everything and make her feel worse, I think she should skip Thanksgiving. She could go away for the weekend, or say that her and her husband have been really stressed by work lately and they just want a quiet, relaxed weekend together or say that they want to start some of their own traditions. Also, if she is likely to say things that make the whole situation worse then they are all better off if she stays away.

LW is now a grown, married woman and she and her husband can decide for themselves who they will see and how much time they will spend there. They could also spend a short time with her parents, arrive just before dinner and leave soon after and say that they are starting some traditions of their own.

HmC November 20, , 3: It takes a long time to get over that kind of holiday and then there is Christmas right around the corner and she will be worrying about handling it too. Ivory November 20, , I bet THAT would make the difference emotionally for her. Right now to her, it must feel like the only thing that is ever rewarded in her family is bad decision making. Her sister is a financial mess. And — as a direct result not only gets to have a baby, but a brand new house as well… How would that not gall most anyone?

Most everyone here is a self-made Saint. Okay I have a semi-off-topic question but kind of related. Anyone else get like, really, really sick-to-your-stomach uncomfortable about the thought of asking your parents for fiscal help? It just feels so… wrong in my gut to me. Even though I know that if I said that I would really hurt their feelings.

Even though I know that I would want to help my future children out with schooling as much as I reasonably could. I push fiscal assistance away as much as possible. I think maybe it stems from some self-esteem issues.

I have no problems asking for help, but they also offer a lot not in an enabling way, in a we are still the parents and get to buy you dinner no matter how old you are kind of way and there are also certain circumstances where I pay them back in other ways. I guess we are just more open… and I have no one to compete with for it so ultimately it will all be mine… MINE!!! I gotcha, MMcG no worries. My parents would also never accept money from me, and insist on buying me what I consider WAY too much for stuff like Christmas.

And then try to just let go of the guilt and be grateful. Part of it may be that I have 2 younger siblings and zero info on my parents financial situation. They continue to struggle. I think I might feel the same way if the situation were reversed as long as they had the same attitude that I do. I feel the same way, Alice. I have a visceral negative reaction when I think about asking my parents or anyone for money.

On the flip side, when they offer things because they want to, I try to take them at their word that they just want to and not fight them, because I know it makes me feel bad when people boyfriend, friends fight me on buying them something because I just feel like doing it.

So buying dinner or gifts is no big deal to me, even though I can afford to buy my burrito, or kitchen table, or whatever. I would never ask my parents to do something like co-sign a house or car loan for me, though. Copa November 20, , 1: My Mom has given my oldest sibling a large amount of money and it pisses me off because I think her money should be spent on herself, not my loser sibling.

I feel the same and am Midwestern too. They helped me out last year quite a bit with some medical expenses for my dog, because they were dogsitting him when he got sick and helped with vet visits and stuff. Oh white folks when will you learn? I do believe that the squeaky wheel gets the grease or in this case, the stunted child gets the financial support. Your sister refuses to grow up and your parents refuse to let her.

Now that she has a child, your parents will maintain status quo because of the baby. I know how you feel, my oldest sibling has gotten a shitload of money from my Mom.

MrsR November 20, , 1: I get this, too. My older brother has gotten financial help from my parents and other family members before. My mom and dad have had enough and my dad told me not too long ago that my older brother will not get as much as me and my younger brother when he dies.

I would definitely still want to be in my position in life than my older brother. But I do know from experience that if we need help in the future both of our families will be there for us. So we will continue to make good decisions and be able to support ourselves. AKchic November 20, , Unless you ask for help, you will never receive it.

Honey, remember — they are taking care of your sister because they feel they need to. This is actually a compliment, however backwards, to you and your husband. If you truly need money, ask for it. Just make sure you work out a payment plan, unless they decide to gift it to you. After my sister grew up a bit older, not wiser , my mom changed her will to give me everything as long as I create college trust accounts for my nephews.

I am more financially responsible and my mom wants to make sure there is money for the grandkids rather than squandered on my sister. After a while, my mom started easing up on giving my sister money. Your parents may do this too. Lily in NYC November 20, , Question for OP — do your parents assume you are going to be the one to take care of them when they get old?

If that is the case, then I think you can say something. How about you pat yourself on the back for being fiscally responsible and get over yourself. You only get one life.

Instead try opening up to your parents more about YOUR financial situation. Bossy Italian Wife November 20, , 1: They would give him places to live, money, cars, etc. These things made me very proud of myself.

Sometimes when we stop seeing the lack in our lives and realize all the good that we have, better things come our way. MsMisery November 20, , 1: As someone who has to deal with something similar to this, my best explanation is: If you are halfway intelligent and responsible at least in comparison to others in your family , they will leave you to your own devices.

I guess you can take it as a half-azzed compliment. Beckaleigh November 20, , 1: This will sound harsh, but its none of your business how your parents are spending their money. A La Mode November 20, , 2: You know, from your perspective, it probably looks like your parents are rewarding your sister for being an irresponsible douchebag.

But I bet you anything that they are exhausted with her poor choices… and relieved that you are so responsible, and are very proud of you. I love coming back to pick sides though. Now I have to go read all the comments to see if my side is in the majority. Have you ever been arrested, charged or convicted of a crime of any type? If so, please give details and dates: Have you ever had a temporary restraining order issued against someone or had one issued against you? You know, I probably should have issued one against a few people and vice versa but no.

Have you ever filed for bankruptcy or chapter 11? If yes, please explain. Have you ever auditioned for or been a performer, participant or contestant on a reality or other TV or radio show or in a film?

No, although I really think I should have my own talk show. I did win tickets to a Braves game through a local radio show once though. If yes, please explain and give dates: I was listening to the radio and they asked a sports trivia question and I miraculously knew the answer and called in and won. Three birds with one stone right?

Do you drink alcoholic beverages? Is that a serious question? No really is it? Still live with my parents. So yes, I drink alcohol. My favorite drink depends on the level of horrible my day has been.

If you have been married, why are you no longer together? If yes, please list their names and ages and whether they live with you or not.

Why would you want to find your spouse on our TV show? I literally feel as though I have no other options. Plus I would get to hangout in really cool places and do cool things for free all while being fed free alcohol and what I assume is delicious food.

Please describe your ideal mate in terms of physical attraction and in terms of personality attraction. How many serious relationships have you been in and how long were they? What happened to end those relationships? Approximately a year a piece.

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