If Men Like Only Hot Women, Where Does That Leave an Average Woman Like Me?
No matter what you say. I think what is happening is that girls want to be in a relationship, and the best way of insuring that she stay in one, is to find a guy who she thinks is GRATEFUL to be with her. A man has none at all. All about Coffee Talk. A few months ago, I promised to write a post about shallow men, and this note from you is the perfect excuse. Thank you, thank you, thank you for asking this question.
Select as Most Helpful Opinion?
Well I am sorry you had to experience such things. I have no idea why I was or what it was about her, I only hope that I meet another woman for whom I feel an equally strong or greater attraction. Yet, for some reason I was incredibly attracted to her. Most men do not break out of gender roles and societal expectations. Even though that may seem like a female thing, lots of men have it too. So do you have any idea why it might be so? Seriously this debate is so tired.
And where does this realization leave you, Tia-Maria? I would say right back where you were before. Validated in your opinion that men are impossibly shallow. Despite my shallow man diatribe, please bear in mind that there is a lid for every pot. The real struggle is in keeping a healthy perspective and a positive attitude until you find the right fit. Online Daters Are Shallow! And Water Is Wet! A thought-provoking but disheartening post, Evan. I venture to guess that even those of us a little higher on the Beauty Scale and whatever happened to beauty being in the eye of the beholder anyway?
I also think there is a difference between who a man or woman wants to date and who a man or woman wants to marry. For example I, a reasonably intelligent and thoughtful woman, for a time dated men purely on the merits of their looks and their ability to make me laugh.
There is a difference, I think, in what is conventionally beautiful and what each of us finds attractive. Of course we want to end up with a person who is the absolute best in all areas that we can attract. I want drive, integrity, confidence, humor more than I want chiseled abs. I would hope that the person I end up with will love me for more than my long legs, ample who-know-what and blondish hair.
Foolish or not, I am holding out for one of those rare men. By my experience, there are plenty of great men out there, if women would only stop being shallow and petty about tax brackets and hair gel and such. Women are damn more Shallow than men. At least men are honest and some women are stupid. Men admires beauty and good attitude and a true girl.. Some girls also just wants to project a life of Corny Fantasy Romance that is not even true and how perfect fantasy life can be.
Keep telling youself that handsome people are dumb so you will feel better about yourself. Many hot man i meet are really well educated and run their own bussineses and they treat people great. Generally speaking, I agree with Evan on this. I used to live in LA, but now live in the Midwest. I see lots of good looking guys with women that are not as attractive as them.
And I live in a major city, not the sticks. So, to the woman who wrote the article, you cannot blame your appearance for your lack of results.
Now, on to a more important issue. I am sick and tired of hearing how shallow men are. Women are even more shallow in many cases.
At least men can blame their shallowness about beauty on biology -something they have no control over. But women are attracted to money and successful men. I was a very good looking guy when I was in my 20s. However, I was not financially successful. I had so many women who were interested in me until they found out I did not have a good job or much money. Then, later, when I started to become more successful, women were suddenly interested. Women have the same shallow prequalifications that men do.
After all, you cannot blame that on biology. Although, it could be an instictive desire for a woman to be attracted to men who they believe are good providers. But, most women are not going on a date hoping the guy will be their husband down the road.
Biology does have an impact — after all, humans are biologically drawn to beauty in all forms. I say this to make the point that biology cannot be blamed for the current standard of beauty. The image of the young, fit, beautiful woman is the only acceptable version of beauty in our society. People in Western society are brainwashed into thinking this impossible standard is the only one worth having.
Is it not true that women subconsciously seek out the strongest mate who has proven his ability to provide for her and their offspring, thus ensuring continuation of the species? Why can that impulse not be biologically driven, but the urge for a man to seek out the youngest, hottest women he can find is? I agree with you! Women are driven by biological impulses same as men. I dont care for babies. Not every woman wants to have a baby, nor does every woman have the ability to have a baby.
Way to generalize there smart boy. Also, tax credits basically pay a woman to pop out a kid. Its not like baby daddy or Adam is needed to supply money. Sounds like you got screwed over in child support by a woman that you willingly put your dick into and knocked up. Now you wanna whine without telling the whole story.
Not every man wants to have a baby, nor does every man have the ability to have a baby. Way to generalize there smart girl. So why do so many women squeeze a man for every red cent they can get away with? Sounds like you got screwed over in child support by a man that you willingly allowed to put his dick into you and you got knocked up. A man has none at all. He is at the mercy of the woman and the courts.
No matter what you say. Is that your argument? Building a successful and well paying career is something every man is capable of if he puts his mind to it. So what women are really looking for is maturity, ambition and dedication, which is a choice that men make and is reflective of their character. Looks have nothing to do with character. So who is more shallow? Seriously this debate is so tired.
Unattractive and broke people get coupled and married every single day. Go to your local mall this weekend and people watch for a while. I completely agree with your view. I can understand you getting fired up and responding. A woman who has not come in to there autonamy. So I feel stuck. For me money was never an issue because I make my own and I admire people who are independent like that. Did you actually read your own post?: Women can also claim biology as a driving force in their decision-making process.
They want a man who can care for their young. You took the words right out of my mouth. We do NOT make a conscious decision about what or who we find attractive.
It is like broccoli my words here — do you decide whether or not you like broccoli? Versus a more down-to-earth brunette who looks like the girl next door? It is not a conscious decision of who we find attractive. BUT, picking a guy because he has a fat bank account, a high paying job, or because he is on TV IS a conscious decision. Shallow, shallow, shallow, ladies. And yes, while I feel my standards are fairly high, I see them all over the place.
You see I define being shallow as holding people to an impossible standard. Money is much more fluid. Any man be he fat ugly gorgeous suave could win the lottery right now and become a millionaire. The chances are very slim in that example but a promotion at work, inheriting money, making reasonable profit on a sale, these things are very common.
Now Joe Jones may not hold up to Jenny James standard today but tomorrow he may secure a neat position at work and then tomorrow Joe IS datable to Jenny.
He has been given a chance. For men who are or start off reasonably poor, I understand that this is much harder and maybe impossible to attain and therefore very unfair on them. Therefore I maintain that gold digging women or men are shallow but holding women or men to an impossible physical standard is even more shallow. That seems to be media-influenced. No bashing from me Ron.
I accept men as they are. And there is only so much I can change about the physical me. I can, however, continue to become the real person that I am which makes me happier which I think makes me more attractive overall. It certainly makes me more confident and discerning and less likely to date just anyone. I much prefer someone with character, intelligence, integrity, humor…. Talking average people here, not billionaires and celebrities. Go to any Wal-Mart and you will observe most of the couples are of the same level of attractiveness— high, low, in between.
So these people are finding each other somehow. I discovered many years ago that the more I come to care about someone, the more physically attractive they become to me—even if I thought they were just ehh…upon first meeting. I generally ask what a man does for a living, because what he does says a lot about him his personality — after all, most of our lives are defined by what we do for a living, right?
A lot of them are equally as successful and educated as their husbands, and make as much if not more money. Many have helped thier men through grad school and prolonged periods of unemployment, as well. But with cheese sauce? Men are fabulous creatures. But when it comes down to who do we want to get old with, we get realistic in a hurry. Tia-Maria, here is my advice: Now, the men who gather may not be your first choice in the whatever department looks, finances, smarts , but you weed out the unsuitable types and choose among the gems who are left.
I must find out. Sorry but I font this post laughable. This woman seems chuffed to bits that her husband chose her because he was simply getting old and wanted someone to be there for him. So basically if she had met her husband ten years earlier he would not have looked at her twice. If that is what you have to put up with to get a man in this day and age then I think I would rather be single.
But there are a lot of men I do appeal to, and I never had problems finding dates. So my advice to Tia-Maria is this: It may be a smaller pool, and it may take you more time and effort to find them, but there out there. You gotta keep looking! What other choice do you have? This was a good discussion, both the question and the answers.
Seems like everyone is at least partially right. For example, I was rather shocked after I left the college dating scene to find out just how shallow women could be when it came to how much money men earned. I remember how disappointing it was to find out that women really could be as shallow as men. Not only did it make it harder for me to find someone, it also turned out that looks were just one component of many that I needed to consider when looking for a girlfriend.
The value I placed on looks had been way overstated. I dated a number of good looking women, and some average looking women, and to my astonishment, personality turned out to be far more important. So, men, give yourself a break and give the women a break.
Not necessarily rich and greedy but, as was said, a good provider. Well, I make decent money but guess what having kids and paying child support does to you? No chiseled abs but great shape.
All I ask is something similar. I hope this will not become a massive trend because I don't want girls becoming lazy when it comes to their appearance 'coz it surely is very important to me Also some people are insecure with unstable perception of self-worth How can you accurately rate your own attractiveness while being straight? You might have an idea but you can't know for sure There's another thing. Some people are told to that money and status are "looks" for men, meaning that looks are essentially important only for women and that the thickness of a wallet is a male counterpart of this core-trait.
If all the handsome men are dating the below average girls who are the beautiful girls dating? The below average men?
Do yo ufeel right assuming someone must have a specific character based on her "looks". Don't you find it a bit discrimating? Well I am sorry you had to experience such things. Some girls don't realize they're pretty or don't value it because they know a person's value lies elsewhere. I think that in dating-wise the couples consider their partner's look as secondary factor where one heart matches the other comes first. So in this case it seems like there is something about that girl that attracted him other than the way she look that even if the whole world thinks that the girl is ugly he could think that she is the most beautiful thing in his life.
There are many possibilities for this matter. First,maybe he finds her personality is attractive and he gets along with her very well. Secondly he might have insecurity issue where he feels self conscious dating the girl with the same league as him. Since he is attractive and get hit on a lot,he has an idea how much do the beautiful girls get,maybe even more than him.
He probably dislike that idea. Dating a below average girl can make him feel more confident of himself. Thirdly,he probably has assumption that beautiful girls have high maintenance,bitchy and complicated. Dating below average girl is much more easier to him. I personally think mostly its the combination of the second and third factor but if you asked,they will say it is because of the first factor No one would exactly admit that though.
However, I know some handsome guys who date below average girls because he is attracted to her personality. Yes you have a very good point here. It probably is in most cases a mix of the three reasons you stated.
It doesn't just 'sound' superficial, it is. Guys are visual creatures. With one exception arm candy , guys want someone they like in more than just the looks department. If she's super-hot range but she's needy, clingy, high-maintenance and entitled, most guys aren't going to want her for anything more than a quick fling or arm candy to boost their ego. You're assuming that the attractiveness scale you're using is the same one everyone uses. You don't think she's pretty, so how could anyone else?
She's a 5 to you, so she must be a 5 to him. Well that's what we women tell ourselves. Sure looks aren't that important. Mind you it's not like I put all of my energy into them. Education and having great personal qualities such as compassion and being understadnign are way more important. However most men seem to agree that looks play a huge part in their attraction to a girl.
She does not need to be striking beauty goddess. But they do love a girl that makes effort to look feminine and pretty , grooms herself and dress well. Actually, you'll find this surprising, but this explanation doesn't come from me. It's from my guy friends. Looks are definitely important, but they aren't what keep couples together. After that, all bets are off. This question isn't about me. I'm a rather average girl with a decent personality and to be honest with yo uI don't care that much for looks but I DO care al ot for chemistry.
This being said this question wasn't a judgement of what those guys do. If they're happy this way it's good for them. I asked this because very often when a girl is single and has no guy asking her, the main reason given is "she's ugly" "she doesn't take care of herself" "she needs to dress more feminine". Yet there are examples of such girls who do manage to get a boyfriend and not one of her own "perceived" attarctiveness range.
I don't believe that attractiveness plays a part in making you bitchy or not. It's mostly social conditioning and your experience through relationships since childhood that do so. Some truly beautiful women find themselves ugly and have developped amazing personal qualities, the same way some less attractive women have become bitter about their experience and can be quite mean?
Oh yeah- I know it wasn't about you. It was just an example. It's true from what I've observed. Less attractive women don't have that advantage, so they'd never be able to get away with treating someone poorly. Maybe you're just too jealous. I honestly hare those "average-below average-above average"stuff.
There are guys who go crazy for beautiful bitches, there are guys who have the thing for average cuties. There are guys who have fabulous girlfriends but finally end up with nerdy wifes.
The same applies to girls. Some of the girls who I consider among the most beautiful people I've ever seen date guys I'd never even look at.
Iamges: average guy dating beautiful girl
They want to find someone who will pull her weight. By abnoch Started 3 minutes ago.
He is at the mercy of the woman and the courts. In my humble opinion, looks count.
Just to be clear OP I think it's perfectly fine the way you think. It's true from what Average guy dating beautiful girl observed. I dating steiff bears drive, integrity, confidence, baeutiful more than I want chiseled abs. Women actually care about self-improvement. You boast about your looks and material wealth, which isn't very modest. No one would exactly admit that though.
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