Heroin Addiction & Recovery Support Group
The relationship was 3 Submitted by Anonymous on November 22, - 7: Now let me be clear, I am not advising anyone to do or not do anything. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. He admitted it right away and within 10 days was clean and sober and back at his meeting and going through the 12 steps again. Unfortunately, loved ones are almost always the collateral damage of someone's addition. During the course of the first two months I found out the home we lived in- the one i thought my loving other half had worked his tail off to pay off early was not only NOT payed off but hadent been paid on in almost a yr n half!!
Over sedation is very dangerous first of all from directly slowing down the respiratory and pulmonary systems even until they stop in the case of an overdose, second for impaired driving, falling asleep where you don't want to, like out in public or on the job, having accidents, all kinds of bad things can happen. My boyfriend lied to me about using, so it came as a complete shock when I found out 2 days ago. But having 3 months doesn't make every bad behavior stop- and by no means does it make anyone an "ex-addict. Your problem sounds very similar to mine. In the beginning I would have done anything for him. I have lied for him, covered for him, given him money, feed him, and paying all the bills, giving him cigarettes. Ann, I read what you had gone through a year ago.
They may still be working out legal issues and trying to earn their way back into the lives of family and friends. Although these are not necessarily deal-breakers, you need to know that their problems can become your problems. In any relationship, setting and enforcing personal boundaries is an essential skill.
There may come a point in the relationship when you need to ask some difficult questions: Why are you attracted to this person? Is it because of who they are and how they treat you, or do you have a history of being attracted to people you can rescue or fix? To avoid codependency, enabling and other problematic patterns, you may need to seek counseling of your own. If a partner relapses, it can be difficult to know what lines to draw.
Dating a recovering addict can be complicated, but most relationships are. Or Get a Single, Daily Email: Find help or get online counseling right now! About the Blog Archives. But before you put yourself in a position to fall for an addict, there are a few things you need to know: About David Sack, M.
David Sack is board certified in psychiatry, addiction psychiatry, and addiction medicine. View all posts by David Sack, M.
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They have learned critical relationship skills, including how to identify, process and communicate their emotions and to set personal boundaries while respecting the lines drawn by others. And they have committed — in recovery and in life — to honesty and integrity and making decisions in accordance with their values. Men and women learn a lot in recovery, not just about staying sober but living a happy, satisfying life.
Some are deeply spiritual people whose lives are infused with meaning and purpose, while others volunteer in their communities or have interesting hobbies that keep them grounded. Because recovery is a lifelong process, recovering addicts are in a perpetual state of self-improvement. First, the recovering addict should have at least one year of sobriety, and preferably many more.
Second, they should be actively working a program of recovery — attending meetings, volunteering, practicing self-care and so on — not just begrudgingly staying away from drugs and alcohol while addictive patterns fester. These provisos are in place to give addicts a fair shot at lasting recovery and to protect the people they might date from falling for someone who is unhealthy, unavailable or worse. What are your beliefs about addiction?
Although research has refuted outdated assumptions about addiction, surveys have shown that people judge addicts even recovering ones more harshly than people struggling with obesity , depression and even schizophrenia.
Sometimes if your alarm bells are ringing, there is good reason. When you bring a recovering addict into your inner circle, their choices and lifestyle can have significant bearing not only on their health and well-being but also your own. As a chronic brain disease, the threat of relapse is ever-present — an estimated 40 to 60 percent of addicts relapse — and watching someone you love spiral out of control can be one of the most horrific experiences of your life.
Of course, not all addicts relapse and those that do are often able to get back on track before too much damage is done, but the threat is there nevertheless. If you move forward with the relationship, be aware of a few unique aspects of dating someone in recovery. They may need to meet with a sponsor or attend support group meetings at inconvenient times and your support in encouraging them to do so is essential.
You also need to assess how much baggage you can handle. Addicts tend to do crazy things. They may have accrued debts, a criminal record or legal problems, or irrevocably damaged key relationships in their lives that make your interactions with their family and friends tenuous. You may hear wild stories of drug-fueled sexscapades or run into slippery characters from their past.
All of these can be difficult to understand, so you have to honestly evaluate and communicate your tolerance level. Is dating a recovering addict a deal-breaker for you? I couldn't have put it better myself. My partner and I are both recovering addicts-- we've been together for years now. I've seen more relationships fail, in the rooms, than succeed. But that doesn't mean it can't work-- as long as the partner has a good sense of self.
Is the one-year sobriety stipulation "required" I met someone who was addicted to marijuana and hashish, and also alcohol. He's tried and failed over the past year to clean up on his own, and has checked himself into a 5-month rehab program inpatient except on weekends that does non stop therapy, alternative therapies, and exercise.
I was hoping that after the program we could slowly start to date. I am worried that he's not stable enough, though, and that the relationship won't stand a chance until he's really back on his feet including finding a new job. I am mainly worried about relapse. I get the time has passed but your situation is interesting. One year sobriety in my book is strongly recommended. If an addict cannot handle being sober for one year, I would fear for your physical safety and your sanity if you were dating him as caring for someone who continues to relapse is exhausting.
The thing with me and my past partner two years ago now was that he would make all these promises, assure me he would take his medication and get help and do better, but I never saw him making a genuine effort to get clean, at least while we were together.
If he had even gone to al anon meetings and tried hard with their programme, I would have stayed with him. If you are in a relationship with someone in a. If you are in a relationship with a person and their habits that destroy their lives then you are in a three-some with a person and booze, drugs, sex gambling. If this turns you on have fun. If not, you can go to the shrinky-poo, after all they've shown so much success with treatment centers, right?
The founders came from that era. Use your own judgement. You have a choice. I recently began dating a guy who is in recovery. I admire him for that and we have a good laugh and seen good together. The question is, I am on anti-depressants for when I was being bully at work.
I mentioned this one evening as we were discussion his issues and recovery. I said to him that I didn't mind going through it as I came out of it as a stronger person. He now said he cannot date me as its part of his recovery program and I am on medication. He has being in recovery from drugs for 13 years. I am very pleased to have found this article.
I recently met someone and it was going quite well. I was honest about my past and shared I would have 9 years of recovery in January. We had only been on four casual dates so I had not shared the exact details of my past because they are painful and personal. I was certainly going to share more as time went on. The person started googling me and found a mug shot from an arrest a decade ago from one of those extortion websites I will be joining the class action suits , especially since I was never actually charged with the crime and successfully completed treatment and the drug court program.
I am active in recovery in many ways, have a wonderful full life today and am blessed beyond anything I could have ever imagined, but to say I am not hurt would be a lie.
I am now fearful and don't feel like the treatment and judgement was fair, but after reading this article I understand a little better. I can only imagine the hurt you are going through. But looks like you dodged a bullet there!! Would you really have wanted someone so quick to judge and so quick to dismiss someone as awesome as you?? They will be so judgmental of every single person, and will pick them apart trying to find the "perfect" person now and forever.
They will finally find that "perfect" person, but it will be a young nurse in their nursing home, and it will be too late. I just met this man on a dating site, and we've talked on the phone a few times, but I googled him and found out he is 3 years sober.
I am here to find out what I can do to be supportive and not to say the wrong thing when he finally tells me. Yea, I was really blindsided when I saw that he was a recovered drug addict without him telling me first, but then I thought, "How quickly would YOU tell someone that you were a recovering drug addict?!!
He seems like a really nice guy, and has more positive things going for him and just this one negative thing in his past, so I'm going to see where it goes. I would be fortunate to have him in my life, and I hope that if you are reading this, you are laughing at my comment - right beside Mr.
You should be proud of yourself and what you have accomplished so far. I'm proud of you and don't even know you, or what it takes to get where you are!!
Stay strong and know that total strangers love you, and those who don't Drug use is often a result of trying to self medicate mental problems. I was married to a recovered heroin addict who while using committed crimes to support his habit and did at least a year in jail. He had no remorse for his victims. You think he would have learned something after therapy, rehab and 12 step programs.
He was a problem as a child and drug use was just a way for him to medicate the mental or personality disorder he was born with. He is a 50 yr old psychopath, who while in AA, and a member of his temple, pretends to be an upstanding citizen, but in actuality, was a perpetrator of domestic abuse, can't control his impulses and spending, is a sex addict, a predator of women and can't tell the truth to save his life. All the while, masquerading as a "successful" business owner that wouldn't exist without the money he took from his wife.
He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. A body without a soul. Psychopaths often are drug users and addict behaviors will continue throughout their lives. The two might be related but being an addict did not make him a psychopath. Not all addicts are psychopath and not all psychopaths are addicts. Yes, a relationship with a psychopath is indeed impossible. However there are so many successful long term relationships with recovering addicts. I completely agree with you. My husband soon to be ex; is skilled at rehab, therapy and manipulating people in general.
He is so good he fakes tremors at the dr office and around family. He knows people watch his body language so he either plays it up or down. I know because I've seen it and other family members have also. He went to alcohol rehab and then drug rehab, he says he can't do 12 steps because he is not right mentally.
I went to check on him at AA meeting, he was sitting outside, never went in. But he tells everyone he goes to the meetings. He does have a personality disorder and addictive behavior disorder. I do hope he gets better; he will have to do it for his self. I absolutely agree with you, alcoholism is just a symptom. The defects of character stay with them forever. The most confusing thing is that being through the 12 Step program is a wonderful way for them to seem an upstanding citizen, where in reality it's totally a wolf in sheep's clothing situation.
From what you said this guy has been suffering his entire life So, he's learned instead to act like the world says he should be in order to deserve love or attention or just acknowledgment. But the mask slips, and in some catastrophic ways. This guy needs help he hasn't yet found. You might benefit from some too, to cope with being caught up in the storm of rage and confusion and fear and loneliness he seems surrounded and plagued by.
Also, to understand that thinking or suggesting all addicts should be avoided and by everyone because you personally had a bad experience is a cruel thing, an act and thought lacking any empathy, full of anger and self pity and resentment and bitterness Hence, before throwing stones, no matter who you are or what you have been through and even at whoever's hands, take a look around; we are all in glass houses or some design or another.
Hard to face, but once folk do and the stone throwing stops, things get a whole lot easier And if I could tell your ex the same, I would. At least not to you; your choice is whether you choose to hear it. That and nothing more. I've been in a position that sounds very similar to yours Both realities are hell. Both people are victims. And both are perpetrators.
There is no black and white. And if I am honest? I am frightened by the idea of dating an addict, even a recovering one. But I am equally frightened, as an addict, that everybody out there feels how you do and fears what I do and consequently no one will be brave enough to ever love me. So, I try be brave and remember to love others After all, what is the alternative I didn't get clean for a life like that. And had I realised that sooner, I might never have gotten 'dirty' in the first place.
Unfortunately, every individual is different. There is no magic number where people become stable. Yes, some people are covering up severe mental health issues. Some just have anxiety issues, which can be addressed in alternative ways- other than anxiolytics. All you can really do is watch to see how serious the person is about recovery--in the long term.
The year clean stipulation only works if the recovering addict is working hard during this time. Im 18 years old and recently i started seeing a guy and when i told him about my being in recovery things started to change , turns out all he was looking for was someone to hang on his arm on nights out or a "drinking buddy" in my opinion this set me back a little in my recovery and i was really hurt.
Of course he is still putting recovery as 1! He only had 3 months clean! The "dark side" as you call it is the core of his addiction- he's still recovering. For we addicts- that sick controlling behavior doesn't go away immediately.
I'm not saying you had to put up with it either- kudos for you for being strong enough to end a bad relationship.
But having 3 months doesn't make every bad behavior stop- and by no means does it make anyone an "ex-addict. Recovery takes a long time to start showing in relationships. I was in a relationship for several months before he disclosed he was a recovering crack addict. Realized his coping skills were not good, and constantly struggling. The fact that he was not honest from early on is a red flag, right? Is not honesty a key to recovery? Is there a difference between being "clean and sober" and being in "recovery'?
Feeling used by his deception. I understand not sharing early, but after a year? He shared when he broke off the relationship. He could not handle a relationship or any expectations on him. Sad really the life he lives. I too have had the experience of dating a very sweet, bright and caring man who concealed his drug use from me. In the end, the fact was that he could really not be close and share a normal relationship with a trusting woman.
He simply could not do it. I was extremely saddened by this and had every reason to hope for his recovery. I was as supportive a partner as there could be. He had other relationships in the past, but in the end he simply could not follow through. I always wish him well. I am very sad, but finally realized that I did nothing wrong.
I simply encountered a person who was unable to fully engage, although he was basically not a bad person. I do not know what he is up to now, though I suspect he is on the same path of engaging with old drug buddies hopefully not using so much as before and avoiding close personal long lasting relationships with women.
Somehow he cannot get out of his own way. Recently my partner of 7 months relapsed one month before his one year sobriety milestone. He was addicted to Opiates, mainly Oxy's but when he could not get those he got into Fentanyl which from my understanding is way more addictive and hard on your body. He lied to me and hid things from me for a month before I finally called him out. He admitted it right away and within 10 days was clean and sober and back at his meeting and going through the 12 steps again.
He was never abusive or rude to me he just sort of pushed me away to hang out alone and do drugs. He wants to stay together and I love him and care for him dearly but my heart and my rational mind are in conflict because I feel that it happens again and we are move involved I will get hurt more than the last time.
I wish there was a definite answer about the right thing to do. Reading your comments has me helped realize that I will not find an answer or a consensus on here about my best choice everyone has their own experience I have been with a guy for a year.
He was the sweetest guy I had ever met. The first 2 months he treated me like a queen. He loved his kids, had a good career that he was moving up in, Had his life together and was 4 years sober. THEN it all started to come undone. He quit his job in only worked 12 weeks the whole year then I noticed he never talked about his kids and hadn't seen them in over a year and everything he told me or promised me was all lies. After 8 straight months of not working or even trying to find a job and the constant lying I ended it.
I later found out he had relapsed 6 months before we broke up. He still tells me he loves me and wants to "fix" everything.
He is a master manipulator - I learned that quickly and didn't fall for all of his twisted lies. It broke my heart, I thought I had found my fairytale love and I don't even know who or what the real man is. I've been dating a nice guy for 5 months.
He is now sober one year as of last month. He rarely shares with me anything about his meetings, support groups, sponsor or volunteer work until recently. I have found it hard to relate to him as I've not ever struggled with addiction.
I enjoy a glass of wine in the evenings and I know that if we are hanging out, he views it disrespectful if I drink so I have found myself either hiding it or drinking before he comes over. Yet, then he can smell it on my breath. I dont like feeling like I'm a "bad person" because I want to enjoy an alcoholic beverage on a Friday evening after a long week at work!
We are not together all the time, so I understand making the sacrifice as he's battling a life long addiction. I'm just having a hard time balancing everything because I'm a normal, functioning female that works full time and has two children of my own.
Can this even work? If you partners major drug was alcohol I can understand why he may not like when you drink in front of him. You certainly are not doing anything wrong and should not feel bad for having a drink prior to hanging out. What do you see long term? If you think you cannot drink on days you hang out short term is that really something you picture yourself doing in the long term?
I think this comes down to open honest communication and both sides owning up to how they feel. I would suggest talking to him about why it bothers him that you have a drink or two. Is it tempting for him? Does he feel it is unfair? Is it a control thing? Ask him why he is secretive about his meetings etc.
Tell him how you feel when he talks about you drinking. I would certainly say after dating two drug addicts and a alcoholic, they are often weak in character or have a major flaw that appears to keep haunting them.
Unless they do all the work needed to rid themselves of it it will take over again. Talking to many recovered addicts they suggest two to three years sobriety before odds become better that they will never relapse. As for questioning how mismatched you are I know I do and I have had to look really deep down to see that even though I am a total hard working overachiever some part of me thinks that I am not worth someone that makes me a better person or can support me.
This may be totally unrelated to your situation but just putting it out there. If you do not respect his position in life and past decisions it will never work. If you do then you both need to communicate openly and find a compromise. If you are with someone who relapses it is a horrible road of lies and deceit because you love that person and want to believe them.
I was in a relationship with an addict I'm not a drug user and wasn't told until she disappeared for a number of days and lost job. I stuck with her through a relapse and later recovery.
Nearly 10 years later I find out this individual cheated and lied to me for years. I'm crushed because I gave support , money, gifts , love only to now tell me I need to find my self. Has thrown me to the curb. I feel like I have thrown away years of my life thinking I was a positive influence. I'm now in counseling sorting out what happened. I would strongly recommend against getting involve with an addict.
It requires too much effort and time knowing there is certainty things will unravel at any moment. Finally lying and cheating will be part of this crazy journey with an addict.
I have struggled to find answers for his behaviour and hoped that one day he would accept his disease and get sober. He has contacted me recently saying he only wants to see the children and although i still love him as when he was sober he was a lovely man im extremly hurt that he now has no interest in me after the abuse i took from him and the support i tried to give him. I am etremely bitter and am going to attend an Al anon meeting tonight. I accept his decision but now need to focus on my ownself and why i tolerated his behaviour for so long.
I was so relieved to read your article as it helped me realise my feelings are normal and im not the only one who resents their dismissal of me. Hope your moving on with your life now and you are better off without them in your life. Ann, I read what you had gone through a year ago. A 13 year relationship with an Alcoholic. You may not remember but someone had written a comment on Psychology Today about their own experience with living with an alcoholic.
You commented that you could not understand why your husband after rehab had no interest in you. You where very hurt. Hope your moving on with your life now and you are better off without them in your life ". Please let me say that because you loved him you took his responses to you personally, but here is what I've learned. You can't take anything they do personally. Because it's never about you and always about them. Addicts and Alcoholics are the most self centered frauds you could ever encounter.
They lie, cheat, steal, do whatever it takes to manipulate their way through your life until you are wasted and spent. Then they move on to their next victim. You then feel It is hard to understand what happened to you because you know you could never do this to anyone. But remember, they could care less. I've been there and I can relate. I would love to know how things are going for you now. I believe that addicts and alcoholics should only date addicts and alcoholics. Because they deserve each other.
They deserve to be treated the way they treat others and trust me that is a cruel thing to say. I have been married and have 2 kids from my marriage. My x-husband was also an addict with marijuna, never went on a program. After a year being single, I met a wonderful guy, but he is in a recovering program and have been sober for more then a year. He is the most decent person and treats me with more respect then my x-husband ever did. Am I worried that he will relapse? I think when you support and communicate with your partner being in a program it helps alot.
They just need to know that they have the neccessary support system. This does however mean, that I have to stop my occassional drink on a Friday night after a long week at work. But I think that is a sacrifice I am willing to make, it shows that I respect where he is coming from and support him on our journey together. It may not always be easy, but I believe that with communication, we can only work thru this together. In a relationship with a recovering addict No positive signs from him Don't waste your time.
Years will fly by and relapses will occur. All those years could be spent without drama. Always in recovery or not.
Iamges: dating a heroin addict forum
I will always love the man I married. Submitted by gary on June 22, - 9:
I really don't think love should feel such a burden. I recently met someone and it was going quite well. Am i wrong to feel this way?
I've had to stay strong for my family as they all look to me in strength due to my profession but it has been tough. Be sure to do a thorough background investigation on anybody you might get serious about. He was dsting painkillers for 3 months after the surgery and when the doctor stopped prescribing the pills, he found someone else who would. It's not good free dating sites las vegas my dating a heroin addict forum 11 and I know it is rough, because I've been there, and am still there, but I'd rather be by myself than to dating a heroin addict forum with someone who is using me, or who I know WILL break my heart. One year sobriety in my book is strongly recommended. That is what my family did for me when I was still struggling and it worked, it just took time.
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