The Dos and Don’ts of Saving Your Marriage and Winning Your Spouse Back
No I completely freaked out and sent him hateful texts, called him repeatedly. Prior to even knowing the problem was that bad with her, I was working on my issues when I found out about a heart issue I had.. I'm only in the early stages of contact with several men, but so far I am finding it a much more enjoyable experience than previously. The only chance is if she sees that you truly have changed. We lacked communication which is something that can be changed. The first week separated I was a mess, cried all the time, asked him to end, poured my heart out to him, and he was unchanged I realize this action was a big mistake and probably made him less attractive to me.
You do exactly as you're thinking here. For years he says. Are there any other alternatives you would recommend? A lot of it will depend on the route you take north, south, or across the middle. All important things like Budget, Maps, etc are nicely covered.
Here are some tips on using a picture:. Avoid flattering, glam shots because you want very little discrepancy between the picture and what you really look like. Be careful about using props like dogs, boats, or a fancy car. This is about you, so it should be a good head shot of you alone. Provide only a cell phone number: The person who found you on the Web is a stranger.
Date within a mile radius: Find somebody who is in your zip code so that you can actually get to know each other without the constraints that a long-distance relationship places on things. Meet publicly and make sure someone knows where you are: Remember that the person you meet online is a stranger. Studies show that looking at a computer screen gives a false sense of intimacy with a resulting loss of inhibitions.
Never online date on an office computer: Keep your personal life and your office life separate. Remember you company will have access to anything you do on their equipment.
Beware of juggling too many people at the same time. Senses of humor can differ depending on gender, age, culture, mood, or ethnicity or the context in which the humor is used. Once you do that, they become lazy and it sets the tone from that day forward. You'll spend all your time trying to garner an ounce of his. Now realize, he's dating online. So that means he's dating other women - always assume that because that's what they're there for and that IS what they're doing.
So don't start to feel insecure or feel like you have to remind him that you exist. He knows you exist and if he's genuinely interested, he'll come back and ask you out again - just like he did the first two times. You see, what he's attempting to do here, by asking you to call him, is he's trying to make this easy for himself. Guys try real hard at first and then once they get a foot in the door, they attempt to swing the burden of carrying the relationship onto the woman - so they can sit back and cruise down easy street.
And since he's dating online, he knows this and he knows that many insecure women - fall for that crap. Don't fall for that and don't set yourself up as one of his Plan B's. If you do, you're going to look like all the other women out there he's dealing with right now. And you have to realize, too, that when men do stuff like that - they're testing you. They're testing to see if you're one of those insecure women that will bend over backwards for them.
And many, if they find out you are, they'll start dating you, sleep with you, then disappear on you. I'd suggest holding out for two weeks.
If you don't hear from him by then, you can always try to send a "how are you" text - two weeks from now. But that's it, only one text, no more which honestly, I don't even suggest doing. The thing is, no matter how much you like this guy and how great he appears to be, you need to find out his level of interest. Is he genuinely interested or only half interested?
And the only way to do that - is to let him pursue you. If he's genuinely interested, he'll certainly be back. If he's only half interested, he won't - and you will have saved yourself from possibly having the wool pulled over your eyes and being used here. These men who date online are very savvy at the game, dear. I don't care how nice they come across. They're on these sites pulling stunts right and left and you need to filter out the one's that are genuinely interested from the one's that are only interested in sweet talking and charming their way into your pants.
And again, the only way to know - is to see if he'll pursue you. And with him saying, "Call me sometime, It'd be nice to talk" - that would signal to me that he's about to place me in his rotation as a Plan B while he continues his search for "the one. I should add that in the meantime, your dating life doesn't stop simply because you've met this one guy. You're dating online too, just as he is, and my suggestion to you. Don't stop living and sit around waiting for a guy to come to his senses.
Mirror Jan6, Thanks so much Mirror. I will sit tight and date other men. My life doesn't revolve around any guy. In two weeks if I don't hear from him I should get my message that he is not interested then why bother texting him after 2 weeks.
I would appreciate your response on how to handle this - suppose he contacts again after few days and says he didn't hear from me or something to that effect-how does one handle this without saying it applies to you as well! I searched for him on FB. I didn't send him a friend request or anything like that. But now I feel I shouldn't have done that either. Because sometimes FB suggests friends you may know and I don't want to appear on this list for him!
I shouldn't have done that. Anonymous, Yea, Facebook does that so just don't do it again is all. You say, "Hey, it's great to hear from you! I'm sorry, I've just been so busy. I had a few things pop up unexpectedly. And it's funny, I was just going to contact you today - but here you are, LOL! He's not your boyfriend, husband or lover - you don't have to answer to him it's none of his business.
And when women pose those questions to men, they get the same generic answer - which by the way - men feel women should accept. I say - what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You apologize for not calling.
You acknowledge that you intended to call. You provide a generic excuse as men do in these situations. And you show that you're pleased to hear from him. And if he asks you out on a third date - before he even gets the chance when the time is near that the date is ending - you end it by saying, "Call me, I'd love to do this again sometime. So don't feel the need to try harder to win his attention, just let him go because that indicates he's only half interested and the only thing he IS interested in - is keeping you in his rotation.
Wow you are amazing Mirror. Thanks for the advice. I would have accepted 3rd date immediately if I hadn't read this! He is more of calling guy than texting. So may be I should let the call go to voice mail when he calls and I should return the call after a couple of hours.. LOL or am i being too mean?
Anonymous, Yep, you're getting it now ;- Don't come off too eager. Men read A LOT into that type of behavior from women and all it does is set the woman up - to become a perfect victim. People can only use you - if you permit yourself to be used.
You do exactly as you're thinking here. When he calls, you let the call go to voicemail and you return it a hour or two later. That way, he knows you're not sitting at home, waiting for him to call and jumping on the phone, sounding out of breath LOL - because he finally called. This is "the game" honey.
Women don't wanna play it, but men insist on it. And believe you me - he's testing you right now. That's how they find out if the woman is: Men are very competitive and they like a good challenge. So why not give them what they want ;- And if you don't believe that this shit is a test, read this below, written by a self-proclaimed player: Look at it this way.
Maybe he is trying to see how much you needed him or how much you will miss him if he is no longer there. And your behavior now might make things either worse or better for you. Hence my advice is never to panic or over react. Keep your head to avoid sending the wrong message.
I am just testing you to see how suspicious you can get. I am just interested in knowing your depth of your interest and commitment in the whole relationship. Instead, show him how it's done, LOL. If he wants to play the game - you be the coach.
Mirror Jan 6,, 3: Unfortunately, I have not dated many men and wanted to understand few points: In the beginning of dating, how often one should expect a guy to ask you out?
The reason I am asking this is, we had two really good dates and then I haven't heard from him. It has been only two days since the last date but I am just wondering what are a guy's timelines?
If he is testing me, then how long would he wait before contacting me again? If he comes back after 2 or 3 weeks, I may not be interested at all.. I continue to log in to that dating site and few times both of us happened to be on the site at the same time. I don't know whether it is a coincidence or he is stalking me: I never bothered to ping him nor did he. Infact we never chatted online till now. Exchanged few emails and then he spoke to me and we met.
My question is, if and when this guy contacts me again and asks me how many guys I dated what should be my response? What should be my cues to understand whether a guy is genuinely interested in me. Because last two times we met, he was keen to understand about my parents, siblings etc. Mirror, Happy New Year! Second, I live in a fairly small town where people know each other. God, did you see that picture he took of himself in the mirror?
I think men feel the same and my male friends have mentioned this as well: Then, talk on the phone. Then, arrange to meet. Usually this is over the course of one week. Anonymous Jan 6, 3: And if you're no longer interested at that time, then so be it. So you give a generic, vague answer. Something to the effect of, "I've dated a few. But none of them were the one.
And that can be anywhere from two to three months. It goes completely against natural gender roles - man leads, woman submits. And it also places the woman at a disadvantage from day one. It sets her up as the pursuer and she's the one doing all of the work to get the relationship off the ground.
Most of those services offer a "call" feature. Meaning, they offer a feature where you can let a man call you, without you providing him directly with your number. If you're uncomfortable giving out your number, I suggest using an online dating site with that feature - such as Match. Also, this is again placing you in the dominant role, that of the man, and flipping the natural gender role that Mother Nature insists on - man leads, woman submits. Once a woman begins to pursue a man by initiating contact, he views her as needy and desperate and he tends to begin to take advantage of her by assuming she's desperate for male attention and that's why she's doing the pursuing.
And then after those first few exchanges, you use that "call" feature and invite the man to telephone you. Thank you for responding Jan. I feel like I'm on display for the whole world to see when I'm on a dating site. It's embarrassing to me. People who aren't even paying can search for free and view what you have to say. Plus, I've had people contact me the last few months from being on there before and I've lied and said that "I'm dating someone right now.
I consider myself a private person and would love to chat by e-mail, so I did not disclose my life story online. I am looking forward to my conversation with you.. Anonymous, Well I'm not quite sure where the embarrassment stems from. I mean, what are you revealing online that someone can make fun of? So they poke fun at a picture - well you can do that on Facebook, too. Or they poke fun at a statement - they can do that on Facebook, too. Hell, they can do that in real life. You don't have to share a life story in an online dating profile.
As a matter of fact, I don't recommend that at all. The only items to be included in an online profile are: And both of those things are anything that anyone can poke fun at in real life. And if folks are poking fun at you for dating online, then they're living in the past. The days where there was stigma attached to it. There are doctors, lawyers, corporate men, career professionals, small business owners, scientists, marketers - there are TONS of professional men there doing the same thing you're doing.
I don't really understand what there is to poke fun at and I think by hiding your profile, you're missing out on many of those men finding you, approaching you and asking you on dates.
Additionally, when someone is very uncomfortable with online dating and hides their profile or pics, etc. So right off the bat, it throws someone's suspicious eye at you and they wonder, "What is she hiding from? I see nothing wrong with it and I don't see anything there to be embarrassed about or make fun of. Step outside your self-imposed prison, honey, and show your face to the world.
Stand proud, strong and confident. Don't cave to the idle ramblings of small minded people. Dear Mirror, I found your blog after several months into Internet dating and yours is by far the most helpful one.
Thank you for these wonderful insights! I have met this really cute guy about one and half month ago and been on three dates we have been exchanging emails since October.
He has come to my city around 40 min drive from his to see me and paid for all of the three dates. He is a financial analyst and flies frequently to different parts of the world on business trips. Unlike some other guys who liked to press for intimacy in the very beginning, he acted like a gentleman and so far we have only hugged and pecked on the cheeks because we were both getting over a cold LOL. He expressed interest in seeing me again during our last date. I called him twice.
Both are on weekend nights and both calls went to his voice mail. From what I can tell, he is not good talking on the phone—awkward silence LOL--but what if he needs to hear the voicemails to see which girl is calling?
He did not ask me a lot of personal questions nor did he tell me that much about him. Instead, we kept the conversation on general topics like international politics, history, and a lot of other inpersonal, light subjects. His online dating profile is still up there. It said that he stopped subscribing to it a while ago but encourages visitors to email him based on a riddle of the real address hidden in his profile.
He took many more bathroom breaks than I did. From your blogs, I can tell that he and I are still testing waters. So is that it? If not, then totally cut him off? Btw, we are of the same astrological sign—but does this matter? Thank you so much! Troubled Aquarius, Well, I've seen much worse red flags, LOL ;- The general vibe that I'm getting here is that he's pacing things out, taking it slow, casually dating you - and probably casually dating others as well.
Now I realize that isn't what you'd like to hear, but honestly, at this stage, it's perfectly acceptable. And this is perfectly acceptable for you to do as well. There are no commitments here and, as a result, each is free to continue exploring their options.
The good thing that I see here is, overall, it appears that there's a continued interest. I realize you'd like to speak on the phone with him and I agree that men need to bring this back into their dating mix I'm so sick of texts, they amount to a two sentence email in my opinion.
However, right now, the fact that he's maintaining a continued interest is good enough, it's a good sign. It's also a good sign that he's not attempting to "fast track" you into the bedroom, it's a good sign that he's a gentlemen when he's with you and he's treating you well, it's a good sign that he's coming to you and not requesting that you go to him and honestly, I think it's actually a good sign that he's keeping the conversation a bit generic.
That tells me that he's not trying to bullshit you or charm you - he's keeping it real and making small talk and normal conversation. The only two I see that are a tad concerning but still not concerning enough to be worried about at this point are the bathroom breaks and the profile with the cryptic email address in it.
The bathroom breaks could be nerves or something like that, however, if your gut is telling you that he's going there to text someone outside of your view - that would be something to pay attention to then.
And the profile online with contact information in it tells me he's still open to dating other women. But that's okay because you should be open to dating other men right now, too. I wouldn't cut him off for excluding me from either at this point. If he asked you for a commitment and then did that, then yes, I'd be upset.
But at this point, he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend so you can't expect to be included in such things as a girlfriend would be, it's too early for that. I usually wait for about 18 to 24 dates before making a decision to cut a man off. About 6 months if you're seeing each other times a month.
So at the rate you're dating him, that would be about 9 - 10 months before making a decision like that. If you go on that many dates with a man and he isn't expressing feelings for you or asking for exclusivity yet - then he's never going to. And that's when you move on. And until there are feelings expressed or exclusivity requests, I believe it's perfectly acceptable to casually no sex date others. Dear Mirror, Thank you so much for your detailed answer, which helps a lot.
I have been reading your blog entry re. I fully understand, from your perspective, that I should be exploring my options and waiting for him to make the initiatives. What confuses me occasionally is that, should I also use some of the NC on this guy? For example, during our early communication stage, he would write long emails about his travel and even take pictures of the international destinations as attachments. Then, it moves to multiple text messages daily. The reason is that I feel at this stage, even if we are both testing waters, I cannot let him initiating ALL of the communication, right?
What bothers me is: He told me once after I called him that he enjoyed talking with me and thanked me for calling him and would call me later.
But he did not. He did not call either. Throughout the whole trip, he only emailed me a piece of news article and exchanged 2 impersonal comments with me 3 words or less. I have offered to visit him before the trip and he even did not meet me or call me, should I wait and see if he would offer to visit me for the fourth time?
Hmm, the sign of "continued interest" is elusive to me. Troubled Aquarius, "should I also use some of the NC on this guy? Unfortunately, when a woman makes herself too available to a man, it invites poor treatment. The man doesn't value her because he didn't have to fight for her attention and he begins to take her for granted - that she'll always be there, no matter how ignorant he is. If he's genuinely interested, he will seek you out. If he's not, he won't. It takes the natural order of things - man leads, woman submits - and it topples them.
If he is, he will seek you out. If he isn't, he won't. Men view this behavior from women as desperate and it turns them off, in addition to the reasons I've listed above about a woman exerting masculine energy.
If he's genuinely interested, he will. If he's looking for something easy and he's only half interested, he won't. And then you'll know. Anyway, I have a pretty specific situation that isn't geared towards any man in particular but I'm still wondering what to do as far as NC or showing interest.
I am a black woman who is mostly attracted to white men. I don't know why, I guess it's just my preference and what feels most right to me. That being said, I've been dating online for a few months now and I've noticed that a lot of white men will not make the initial contact even if they're attracted to me because they assume that black women aren't interested in white men.
This leads me to believe that I need to initially show interest to show them that this isn't the case. Now, I know that men with racial hang-ups or men who are genuinely just not interested in black women will weed themselves out, but how do I go about showing that I'm initially interested without being the aggressor to the men who are open minded but just didn't think that they would have a chance with a woman of a different race?
Anonymous, Well it depends on which site you're using. A site like Match. If that's the case, a simple viewing of the man's profile will put your face in front of his. As will a "wink. I really wouldn't do a direct contact and be the first one to initiate communication. MOA, Thanks for your advice!
Under careful consideration and after reading "things all women should have" I've decided to take a break for a while and get to know myself a little more before jumping back into the dating scene. I'm recently separated although emotionally separated for years and have some things to get together before inviting another person into my life.
I will definitely continue to read your posts though. Hopefully your principles will be second nature to me by the time I'm ready to really start looking. Heck, I still need to get that little black dress! When I first started talking to my Libra man, it was online, and constant flirting.
Now after we met, and had a date, I don't get those types of flirtaous comment's like I did. Though I do hear from him, it's not as often or fun. What's up with that?
Anonymous, He may only be half interested, sweetie: Hello Mirror, I am new to online dating and so far I have only met one guy that I thought might be worthwhile. We've exchanged several emails for the past two weeks and he asked me if I would be open to meet sometime, I said yes as he seems to be a decent and honest guy.
Because of his work he requires shift work being away for 2 weeks and back home for 7 days. He has been back since last Wednesday and I thought he would be asking me out for a date, but all he said was that he was busy this Sunday and he asked me what my schedule was like, so I replied and explained that I could probably meet sometime for lunch or coffee next week except for Wednesday.
I didn't like his reply at all, first of all he should be asking me to meet on a specific day and not just telling me when he is busy, second what the h Is that mean when he says "if you are game".
There is something really wrong with this picture and I am really disappointed. I don't plan to reply anytime soon, but I really don't know what to say, at this point I don't feel like meeting with him at all!
I should mention that he said he wanted to meet me the week he was going to be in town so I don't understand why all of a sudden he isn't trying to get together. I told him we could try to meet next week and he just came back with an I'm sorry it looks like we will have to wait before we can meet What is that all about? Anonymous, Don't be confused. He's, most likely, a player juggling many different "situations.
Forget about him, don't accept his calls, don't respond to his texts and simply move on. Your advice to let the guy do all the calling came too late for me. I met a guy online and the first coffee date was great.
I was letting him do all the texting. He asked me out again. I think I made a mistake by starting to text him first. He thanked me the first time and said it makes him feel that I like him.
We had another date things going well. Should I stop and wait for him to text going forward. I did it for several days. Hope its not too late. Anonymous, Yes, I would stop initiating contact with him and I would wait to see if he comes to you. A genuinely interested man will seek you out. He will want to talk to you, he will make time for you and he will ask to see you - ask you on dates. And the only way he can do that is if you pull back and let him. It seems that women have more trouble separating their emotion from the player guys than the other way round.
Anonymous, No contact is not discussed in this piece, so I'm not sure what you're referring to. No contact is a completely separate tactic from simply playing hard to get. No contact is usually done for specific reasons and usually a period of 30 days. Playing hard to get is an entirely different thing.
And with most things regarding playing hard to get referred to in this article, I've listed time suggestions i. It's an entirely different thing that is done for very specific reasons: The only time I would cease playing hard to get and begin to make myself more available to the man is if he asks me to enter into a committed relationship with him.
Because anything up until that point is simply considered dating. If you're always available to a man, he doesn't need to ask for a commitment - because you're always there anyway, so he takes you for granted. However, if you play hard to get, a genuinely interested man will wish to make you more available to him and he will want to take you "off the market" so-to-speak.
Thus asking you for a commitment in order to make that happen ;-. Thanks Mirror for your timely reply. Sorry for the confusion but I was thinking about online dating scenarios. I was actually asking about the e maintenance guy scenario.
For example, a guy has been on and off exchanging email and text messages with you over a long time with very few occasional requests for meetings, but most are not on the weekends or when he happened to be near you. Basically, he is not like those guys who "pursue" you wholeheartedly. Nowadays, they are reduced to several words or sentences or just some pictures snapped out of smartphones. I mirrored his length of communication and also reduced the amount of words but over the time I become dissatisfied with the level of communication like this.
This makes me wonder if all folks doing online dating would have many options and I am also one of them. Should I put a time seal on interacting with this guy?
Any hope to stand out among others or how much longer should I let this type of ambiguity last? Anonymous, I wouldn't focus all of my attention on him.
He sounds like he's keeping his options open and actively dating others. If I were you, I'd do the same. And I would cease responding to all of his communications I'd ignore pictures, statements that aren't questions, etc.
And I'd start dating other men. He sounds like a serial dater whose caught up in the "grass is greener" effect that all the options on the Internet provides. I did ignore his emails that did not deserve a reply. He finally wrote me a long email saying that he was battling a cold and feeling awful, etc and he also asked how I am doing. Should I give him a timely with some nice words or just ignore him for a couple of days saying that I've been busy but good luck?
Anonymous, You can respond if you like Keep it short and sweet. He doesn't deserve lots of your attention yet or your sympathy. Ignore his illness, answer his questions, be brief, not overly eager and keep it casual Mirror, oh how I wish that I saw your post before responding to him with some nice words yesterday. Anyhow my reply ended with me wishing him good luck staying alive, LOL.
He has not written back and it's been a long wait. The problem, mirror, I found with online dating is that you would be flooded with many options but after several months, at least for me, I ended up thinking about one guy all the time and giving others up. This then leads to this kind of waiting anxiety cycle, which is not so healthy. How I wish that I could get back to the sites with a new profile some day Hello Mirror, I really enjoy your blog! I wonder what you make of this one: I met a guy online, 45 bachelor, very handsome - and a player.
I spotted his true colours since date 1, but consciously thought "what the heck.. As you can imagine I ended up developing feelings for him against my will and better judgement! It was becoming apparent that his interest was dwindling, so when he went off the radar I never tried to contact him again.
What bothers me is this: And a few times he actually took advantage of a "pause" we were taking to go Could it have been drugs? The behaviour was so odd and obviously related to sex that I took advantage of one of his bathroom moments to scan the room for hidden cameras Have you ever heard of something similar???
Anonymous, Yep, I've had women encounter this before. I'd be less apt to suspect cameras although it does happen and more apt to suspect: Lots of guys use cocaine as a stimulant for sex and there's also an effect known as the "heroin hard on. Hi Mirror, good answer In hindsight I think it must have been drugs as that could explain a pie-eye and the odd habit of muttering to himself repeating a sentence he had just spoken in a normal-louder voice ; elusive behaviour and shadiness What a shame, he could be an absolutely stunning man!
Overall this experience strengthens my resolve to take things slowly more so with online dating and really gather as much info as I can before having sex with a man! I'm so glad I never pursued him when he disappeared Hi Mirror, me again.
Thanks for taking the time to answer all my clueless dating questions. They just keep on coming. I'm talking to this 29 year old Cancer guy on an online dating site. He is very direct about his interest, and asked me out. If it weren't for you suggesting I pay more attention to a guy's willingness to please and his level of interest - I would have ignored this one though he is cute. He lives on the island, so it's about a hour ferry ride away. I actually don't really mind this, since I'm too busy with other things to see a guy during the week.
So, part of our recent message: Hmm that would depend on what we are doing. I don't do coffee dates. Can I ask him to come up with 3 activities, and then I choose one?
Slightly worried if he chooses what to do, I might not like it. Or should I come up with what to do and tell him?
After going on a "date" with the Aries man who didn't even offer to pay for coffee, I want to avoid making the same mistake. Just realized I should have re-read this article beforehand. Or would something like this work: Vivian, I like the playful approach. Suggest that he toss something out into the ring and see what he comes up with - it'll compel him to put a bit of thought into you ;-.
Just pick whatever you like and we can do it. Hello, thanks for your useful blog! I know that playing 'hard to get' works, but sometimes it is difficult to know exactly what hard to get constitutes, which is why this site is so great. I did have one specific question though, and it relates to the initail emails that are sent back on forth before any numbers are given out or meeting up is suggested. I always let the guy make the initial email contact, but does it matter how long you wait before replying?
I mean I obviously wouldn't reply immediately, but is it ok to reply when you log on again and see the message, say a couple hours later, or should you be making them wait longer say a day or so before your reply.
Sometimes they can see that you are online but you haven't replied. Are there any helpful rules about this, or does it not really matter? Anonymous, I think as a general rule, a response within 24 hours is completely acceptable, regardless of when you log on. If you jump on it, men sense "desperate" - so refrain from giving that impression and respond kindly the next day, within a 24 hour window.
If a guy gets bent out of shape over not being the only one dominating your time there, then he's not a guy you'd want to date anyway. Hi mirror, I'm still in NC with the Libra Guy 4 months now, with most of his attempts in the first months , but recently, I unintentionally visited his profile while using this Quickmatch feature on Okcupid - and ended up on his visitor log.
I don't plan to message nor email him, but is it okay to view his profile again to show that I'm still curious about him? Or would it make me look like a stalker since I had viewed it once already? He did visit my profile twice, so I was thinking it was safe to do it as well.
That and, I'd like to hear from him again. Vivian, Well, if you truly do want to hear from him again. Make him curious as to why you didn't visit again ;- It'd be a bit stalker-like to visit it again, I think. And it's your choice, but I have no clue why you want to hear from a guy who is supposed to be in a happy relationship right now with another woman - but is trolling a dating site online while he's in it, LOL. How could you ever fully trust this man dear?
Careful what you wish for Vivian, LOL ;-. So I was just about to reply you and say, "I'm pretty positive Libra Guy is single again! He went back on the dating site daily after Valentine's! She even called him buddy. Now I am not so sure.
I just found out - at the beginning of March, she posted on her blog about her new fitness program and how she excitedly told her "beau" about it The description sounds like Libra Guy he has this fitness certification , but it's possible she broke up with him, and is now referring to someone else.
I looked through Libra Guy's new match answers on the site - and he even indicated he'd be ok with connecting with someone whose status was seeing someone or married. And under the question - "If you were in a serious relationship, would you mind if your significant other maintained an active profile on OkCupid? Or maybe they're in an open relationship, free to see other people? I don't even think I want to date him - but not knowing what happened between him and the girl, and stuff not adding up just drives the curious detective part of me a lil crazy.
I was about to wrap things up and disable my profile for a while, when Jewish Guy messaged me 50 days of NC later to ask me why haven't I been on Gchat, and that he missed me. He was the one who didn't text me back, so I ignored him.
AGH, the ones you want to resurface, don't. And the ones you don't care about resurfacing, show up again. I think I'm rambling a bit now How do I stop this mad obsession over him? Can you slap me, please? Because if they did mutually agree to an open relationship, there's nothing wrong with him being back on the dating site, or seeking attention from other women.
I could find a way to ask the girl about it, actually. We do have 3 mutual friends Starting to wonder if I just like stirring up drama for no goddamn reason. Vivian, LOL, maybe you should poke around and just put this to rest once and for all if you think finding out the truth will do that. Because I think if you truly got to know this guy, you wouldn't be impressed at all. Hi mirror, You're really great!
I'm very happy that I discovered your site. I simply love it! I hope that you could help me with my little dilemma.
I met a nice man online we went out 2 times talked a lot, felt the connection. He told me that he doesn't want to rash into relationship and wants to start with being friends. On the 2 meeting he told me that he's little sick so the next day I texted him and asked him how he was and he answered quickly.
Then I texted him 2 times during the week to see how he was? I initiated contact only because he said he was sick but beside that as he told me to be friends for a moment I guess I did not violate any rules. Is it ok to do the pursuing if it's just the friendship? What should I do or not do ; to make him more interested in order to start a serious relation?
Mar 29, 8: Because this isn't just intended to be friendship forever. It's friendship intended to lead to a romantic relationship. Which means, no pursuit, no initiation. Always let the man pursue you, otherwise, you'll never know if he's truly interested in you or not: Read this piece, written by a man: Not unless you intend to only ever be friends with the man and nothing more.
He either wants to or he doesn't and nothing the woman does can change that. Which is why you need to let a man pursue you. It's the only way a woman can ever know if the man is interested or not. She was definitely NOT impressed. She asked me, "Did he take you out and make you feel special? Did he call you often? Did he try to get to know you? Did he fly to see you, or even consider it? Will he love, care, and support you?
Now granted we didn't actually date since I don't live in his city, but still Chasing the truth will just be more investment of my time, binding me deeper to him. I'm done with him There is a man out there who is looking for someone like me Do you think they are only ignorant or do you view this as rudeness?
And how should a woman answer or should she write them off right away? Thank you for your reply. In the past I was in the same boat. Unlike you - at least so far - I revived the relationship with HIM after 2 years or so.
Mirror is right, move on without regrets and maybe like in my case life will show you later that there is nothing to regret after all. Anonymous March 30, 6: Was he also involved with another woman, and then you left?
Why did you revive the relationship? Were you interested during those 2 years, and when you did revive it, was he still interested?
How did it lead nowhere? Even though I know it's an illusion and I just want what I can't have, it hasn't really helped me move on. But I've realized if I think that way, I'll continue to lose and ruin my own life.
Over the weekend, I felt an internal shift, that I was ready to give up not being with him ever again A day later, he followed suit and took down his! My mind went crazy thinking - did he do it because he's in love with her and wants to be loyal? Did he do it to mirror me?
I can only shake my head Vivian, There may be multiple reasons he took his profile time, but given the timing, that's an indicator for me that. It's irritating him that you're not hot on his tail, begging for his attention so he can selectively withhold it from you. It's all about his ego and pride, I'm quite convinced of that. And as you can see based on his actions, he's insecure. I believe I've mentioned this to you in the past.
Insecure men make for crappy boyfriends, lovers and husbands. They need lots of female attention as you can see to feel like men, they need the upper hand with women, they like to play emotional head games with women to feel in control and they cheat on women as you can see due to the fact that they feel so inferior deep down inside as men, that it generally takes more than one women or two to make them feel like men. They're attention whores and they'll take it from wherever they can get it.
And when that's yanked away from them, they sulk and then demonize women as "cruel. He reminds me of a "gentleman player" - which I will be discussing in an upcoming article here soon. In the meantime, listen to this video, watch it closely and what this man is attempting to portray here in it. Vivian, That's a crappy quality video of that song, use this link instead and listen to the words he's saying and look at the outfits he's wearing in it one's that portray "trust" - i.
Vivian Of course, I can share my story if you are interested. I sat by the phone and waited for hours for that call. After he got sex, he bacame less and less intereested but never left completely. This scenario repeated itself over and over again and it was very exhausting for me. Whenever I found courage to get rid of him he found a way to lure me back and reignite my hope. It was a psychological warfare. Then it turned out he was simultaneously dating another woman and from what I heard it was "more serious" than with me.
I was heartbroken and eventually found courage and dumped him. About a year passed and he was back. I even believed he was the one! But I was a year older and a little more experienced. It was a completely new situation but it was true. Not only see but more importantly, perceive and feel. Now he is a part of your fantasy. I think it would help you to see and as I said, to FEEL the real him - but I am not able to suggest how to achieve that - and in my opinion he himself would turn you off.
I wish you could get out of this state of mind as soon as possible and freely get on with your life. Thank you my Dear mirror!!! I so much appreciate that you took time to take care of my case. From now on I'll try to follow your advice. I hope is not too late and he's gonna make the first step.
I can't keep my fingers away from the phone ; especially cause I don't know anyone in town, no friends, no family he's the first person that I met. For this I was wondering if I can initiate the contact to for example go for a coffee together for him to meet my sister she will come to visit me next week.
Mirror would that be too much and out of question or is permissible? He said that I can call him when I want or feel lonely. Ahh also forgot to tell you. We made pictures together and he asked me to send them by e-mail.
As I contacted him to ask if he feels better, he mentioned the pictures and said that they're beautiful.
I did not know how to react to this so ignored this part and I only said I wish you get better soon. After this he did not write anything. My sms was the last. Was my reaction ok or I could make it better? I'm a little lost when it comes to compliment from a male: I have last question mirror. During our 2 meeting he asked what I'm looking for and I said that a serious relation and that I don't want to get involved physically until there is a strong commitment that may lead to engagement or marriage.
Do you think that I could scare him away with this statement? Should I kept it for later and for the moment just say that for now I want to have a good time and we'll see about the rest? Dear Mirror, I recently met a guy online, after a week of chatting we decided to meet at a local coffeeshop. The date went well, he talked very openly and seemed genuinely interested in me.
He was goofy and sweet and at times playfully banged his head on the table when he thought he said something wrong. He hugged me when we parted. Shortly afterwards I get two texts. One saying how beautiful he thot I was and one saying he hoped I would give him another chance cuz he 'really likes me'.
I texted back something vague like "i appreciate that" but didn't come right out and say whether I wanted to see him again. Next day we get snow and he texted me. I told him i rented a bunch of movies and he offers to come over, but of course its too soon so I said thats ok I watch them by myself. I have now not heard from him in a week! Im stressing out cuz maybe he got the idea im not interested cuz i didn't come right out and say it in plain english.
And if he's not interested then how can he say he really liked me and thot I was beautiful if he knew he was gonna let me down! Im considering reaching out him, cuz its really bothering me! I don't want him to go away thinking I didn't like him but I think if I just got it over with then I would know for sure and can move on. Mirror I know you're not him but It's not like his gf would have found out anyways.
She seems completely oblivious.
Iamges: dating sites dos and donts
The first week separated I was a mess, cried all the time, asked him to end, poured my heart out to him, and he was unchanged I realize this action was a big mistake and probably made him less attractive to me.
He says he still loves me. I would love to meet him again but I do not want to initiate at this early stage. That was excellent self care—now trust yourself and wait.
December 9, at So we exchanged a few emails and decided to meet last Tuesday 3 or 4 days before the actual date. If you want a chance at winning your spouse back, you have to give them the space to dating sites dos and donts you. Ever communicate with him. I think I'm rambling a bit now Using the 3 day rule also paces the relationship. Hi Louise, I am going thru something similar.