Wedding Invitation Etiquette You Can Use in the Modern World
What Amy March said. For this trip another friend, Cathy, and I had our own room to share in the house at the destination with our own beds. If cost is a big issue, change the rest of your plans or your guest list. Our guest list was or so family members, so the single cousins knew lots and lots of people, and we only invited a small handful of friends, almost all of whom were coupled. With the ease and openness of our communications these days, sometimes we forget about our safety.
Online Dating Rules: Etiquette (#1-4)
Confucius — BC was a Chinese teacher, editor, politician, and philosopher whose philosophy emphasized personal and governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity. And online dating is all about perception at the beginning. After a long span of promotions and top performance reviews, her career changed with one of IBM's Vice Presidents choose to cut the number of employees at the company. With the ease and openness of our communications these days, sometimes we forget about our safety. I guess I should clarify that you should ask the question, but there are a variety of answers and situations. Etiquette may be wielded as a social weapon. Who should pay the bill when you go out on a date?
My MIL was concerned that people would take the board games home since people take centerpieces home from weddings. I have a million questions about this because it sounds amazing: Because that would be rad. I would say about half of the tables played the games. We almost picked games based on the people at the table, and that the rules for the game were well known or easy to learn.
For example, at one table with young kids we had snakes and ladders, at another tables we had the game of life, and at a table with all adults we had cards against humanity. We did have table numbers but we could have just used the games. If you have more feel free to ask. We are going to be doing our RSVPs through our website.
Has anyone else done this and how did you communicate it? Rsvp by the ninth of May http: The only enclosure card we plan to include is for people who will be invited to the rehearsal dinner for which people will also RSVP on our website. We used AppyCouple, which allowed us to send site invitations to our guest list, so we were able to coordinate the e-mail web-site invitation to match up with around the time our paper invitations got delivered to our guests.
Would that be an option for you? We also used AppyCouple and did something similar. Yeah, husband was initially hesitant to pay for our wedding web-site since there are so many free options out there, but I justified the cost as being cheaper than printing RSVP cards, envelopes, and postage what he wanted to do with likely a similar response rate.
It looked fine in the end thanks to the lovely folks at Printable Press who did the layout ; so that is an option. I DIY-ed my invites two-tone letterpress, in retrospect a real hassle but boy are they pretty , and the thought of designing and pressing a whole separate card just for the website felt like overkill to me. That is so awesome. You can make your own custom redirect short URL: The rationale was that business cards were cheaper to print than full-sized RSVP cards, and we figured it would be easy for guests to store them in their wallets for the day of in case they forgot the address!
I love the idea of including a business card with day-of information. This sounds perfect and would be so convenient for guests. I always end up bringing the invitation with us for that reason and a business card would be much more convenient.
This might sway me back toward the extra card. I think only one person had issues with the process, it went pretty smoothly. We put our URL on our invitation without hesitation. We did the same. In hindsight I would have added an email address or phone number as well, because a few older guests had trouble typing the url into their browser.
Our invitations will be postcards, so the link to the wedding website will be on that. Each household essentially has their own custom website URL, because different households can be invited to different events rehearsal, wedding, etc.
Yeah, I think GloSite will handle this for us or they claim to. And not everyone invited to the rehearsal belongs in the family portraits. It worked out great, and most people had no problems with it. Invites were a single piece of pretty paper, and at the bottom it said: So far, nobody has complained or quoted Emily Post to us. I think this post needs to clarify the difference between guests who are single and those who are unmarried but in long term committed relationships. It was a great wedding and we might have chosen this arrangement instead of bringing our significant others anyways, but five years later it still burns a little that my relationship was not acknowledged because he had not yet put a ring on it.
Like, are you the IRS? Sure, consider anyone not legally bound single. Do you want all of your not-married-but-in-a-relationship friends feeling towards your wedding invitation the way they do when they get mail from the IRS?
Also, a know your crowd situation: Bonus bouquet-toss-awfulness points for the times I was called out to participate despite my then-boyfriend now fiance and I being together longer than the people getting married. It makes for a very awkward bouquet toss when no one makes any effort to catch the bouquet….
I love the bouquet toss, because competitive. I definitely think it could be a fun tradition, if we got rid of the ickiness of it, and made it more voluntary. Seeing my cousins and small children energetically jump towards some flowers thrown in the air was fabulous. Maybe we did money with the bouqet too? And that my husband had to do it twice because the first time he threw it the wrong way.
Yep, and I think this is increasingly true as we get older — we got married in our mids, and most of our friends are roughly the same age. For example, we got married 6 months after getting engaged; we assumed that any of our friends who had an SO when we sent out save the dates 5 months pre-wedding would still be with that person when the wedding rolled around — so we invited them and they all were, though of course a breakup is always possible.
An old friend invited me to her wedding; at the time, I had been living with my now-husband for over 2 years. She had met my boyfriend several times. I was incredibly hurt by it. But damn, way harsh, Tai. At the time we had been dating for a year and a half and I knew the cousin fairly well. I shook it off because what else can you do, but I still thought it was incredibly rude.
Apparently they were upset that we got engaged during their engagement… even though future sister in law also had a brother get engaged during the same time, which they seemed over the moon about. He was in the wedding party Best man and other members of the wedding party got invitations. Well things happened leading up to the wedding a family feud and some jealousy and then a couple weeks before the wedding my SIL blew up at me. My SIL said that since they were paying for the photographer and pictures she did not want to waste a family picture on me in case my husband and I did not last.
The family feud continued until after our wedding they did not come to our wedding due to a misunderstanding and to spite my in-laws. We have worked things out since and she has apologized for what happened at both of our weddings. We had been together for 2 years at that point and I had met those friends several times — in small settings, where it was just the 4 of us! They obviously knew me.
It did sting a little, even though I have to assume they meant no harm by it. It was the first time I was meeting them, so I knew they had to go out of their way to even find out my last name. I thought that was so kind and really made me feel included. We found two possibilities — Katie A. I did something similar to my best friend.
I had met her serious long-distance boyfriend once, but only knew his first name. I felt embarrassed, but she was a good sport about it. A lot of people knew their invites were coming because they got the late night text: I made the mistake of assuming that people put their actual names with their preferred spellings on their own facebook profiles. And no one understood why I thought it was important that their invite have their preferred name on it. Luckily we know his last name, but addressed the invitation to Mattias.
Luckily he found it funny: I feel ya on this one. No need to be so proper! I find it amusing, not at all offensive. We did blanket plus ones and it was awesome. It made for a really, really, really kickass party. The pictures of friends of friends losing their minds on the dance floor even made it into the album. They each brought platonic plus ones. We were lucky we had the budget to do it. I definitely agree with you on the fun that adding new people can bring. I understand completely that not everyone has the budget to do it—or would even enjoy it—but it fits us perfectly.
Plus Scott might hit it off with your sister. I think that this is a very unfortunate situation. The other asked if she could bring her significant other. Our guest list was too pressured to be able to give everyone a plus one, but we did our best to do that for everyone who we knew to be in a relationship. And the two that I remember people who got serious in the six months between when we made our list and when they got their invitations, we were able to add their significant others on at that point.
My sister invited my cousin and her common-law husband by name to her wedding. My cousin and her partner had been together for over 20 years and had a child together. Sometime between the invitations being sent out and my cousin RSVPing she had left her partner and had a new bf. My cousin told my sister that she was bringing her new bf.
It was a bit awkward because no one knew the guy I was helping my sister with the seating chart and had to ask who the guy was and my sister did not seem happy that he was coming. They did not last and my cousin is now back with her common-law husband. I still feel badly about it, but live and learn, I guess.
This thread is very interesting! Before I was engaged to my longtime live-in partner, I was sometimes invited to weddings as a couple, and sometimes solo, and I never thought to be hurt like others have expressed. I think it helps that I would be with other close girlfriends, so it was easy for me to go without a date. Would they still only invite the person they know? At this point in my relationship, I would simply not go to any wedding I was invited to solo.
Beyond it being crappy overall, diminishing partner relationships is also pretty heteronormative. But I would be curious to hear from someone who has actually done this. I get the idea behind it, but could be problematic AND heteronormative!
I guess I should clarify that you should ask the question, but there are a variety of answers and situations. Life is a rich tapestry of differences, etc. Very interesting to read such strong responses to something my friends did and was NBD to me as a guest. I must be an outlier! Would love to know how they navigated and where they drew the line! I have the same perspective now that I'm working on planning my own wedding. I have a large family. My mom has 12 siblings, most of them have multiple kids, who are older than me, and have kids of their own.
Some of whom I'm close to, some of whom I haven't seen in years. If I were to follow the blanket "musts", our venue limit would be hit by just my family and their significant others!
I've decided I will no longer ever judge the decisions of couples whose weddings I get invited to, all this stuff is tricky! We did let them know that if enough RSVPs said no, then we would allow them to bring them. I was told that until they got the RSVPs back, only engaged and married people were invited. Cost was a big issue for her and I was thrilled she could afford to invite friends at all. I was perfectly fine leaving my husband at home, because she was my friend, not his, and I had plenty of friends also attending the wedding.
I was just happy that I could go and celebrate with my friends! Is the boyfriend of three months a serious partner? Is the boyfriend of six months a serious partner?
That would be my emotional response to the situation, and the idea that my feelings would be harsh or not harsh would not affect whether or not I experienced those feelings.
But I stand by my sentiment. If cost is a big issue, change the rest of your plans or your guest list. My mom is a pianist and has played for many weddings. It was of course discussed with the bridal couple if they were ok with me attending instead of my dad. Dad got an afternoon at home, I got cake and visions of white frothy leg of mutton gowns and veils. But with super-small weddings I imagine those choices get even trickier. Is that person really essential to your guest list?
I do see some difference between, say, a young friend who just moved in with her boyfriend of several years this was me. I could totally leave the bf at home! But that is very subjective, murky and potentially wrong-headed territory. Regardless of your living together status. There has been no one get engaged in that short of a period, so that would add some complexity if this happened in your circle.
Sometimes it excludes people that become important eventually, but greatly decreases the rando numbers. Made some people happy, and others unhappy. I always find this funny with weddings. The fiance won this argument. We also blanket invited any kids. Some chose not to bring them. I wanted to keep the wedding smaller, but in the end the blanket plus ones was worth it so far at least.
Ordered Save The Dates yesterday. I was rolling my eyes really hard about them, but my mom was in a panic that we needed to have them. So… APW justified my eye rolling, and also made me feel better about our bare-bones information.
This reminds me of how my husband was insistent that we MUST have enclosure cards with our invitations, with info on the travel arrangements. Luckily we were able to add an additional card with minimal cost thanks MagnetStreet!
I had a small, family-only beach destination wedding. And it was a great preventative measure against the Speedo my Grandpa and cousins kept threatening to wear. Just as an example of when it might be ok to pick out your guests clothes! Haha, in my family, if a relative threatened to wear a Speedo, and I asked everyone to wear neutrals, that relative would just wear a nude-colored Speedo for the hugest backfire in the world.
And I know my uncle really would do it, too. Which I am not. I feel like that did the job. One regret of mine is a facebook message I sent over a year ago to an old university friend. I was at her wedding, we were friends for years, but have really lost touch. I was sending the message to help us decide whether to invite her and her husband or not… I obviously should not have mentioned the date, she understandably took that as some form of invitation.
But I have not heard from her since then. What Amy March said. For your space concerns. Just invite her, it will be fine.
Also, I have a post-wedding etiquette question! How long is it OK to wait until you send out your thank you-cards? We kind of forgot about it, even though we ordered the cards, and now 7 months later it feels to late and that we should keep from sending them.
That feels wrong too, but come on, seven months? Fyi, it was a small wedding, about 30 quests, only our closest family and friends, so of corse we said thanks when talking to them. We just left out the cards, so far…. Send the thank yous! Half the reason for a thank you note is so the sender can stop worrying if it arrived or someone stole it off your porch!
Three months make sense to accomplish that. We made our save the dates. So here we are, with weasel face misogynist ding-dong seated at table 6. I never thought about it from the perspective of it being selfish to insist on your partner being included at a wedding. Honestly, I would expect that for any event with a formal headcount and in many ways as just a basis of friendship. Sorry your friend is dating a shitty person, though.
Oh, man, I totally think SOs sometimes have to suck it up and listen to old times stories at events like that! I think old friends meeting up at weddings is similar. Not that people should totally ignore an SO or something, but recalling memories together is an important part of the human experience and couples need to be able to navigate that, even if one part of the couple may feel briefly or not-so-briefly left out.
There are worse things! I would totally be ok with just being invited to something and not my husband especially for friends who have met him like once. I also feel bad for my cousins who will get married later because the family size will like DOUBLE compared to what it was for me.
So I get that wish. We did magnet save the dates by ordering business-card sized magnets from Vistaprint. On a Groupon, no less. Partially because at least half the guest list lived a plane ride away, and partially because a lot of our friends have various save the date magnets on their fridges including us and it makes for a pleasant visual scrapbook while you are going to get a glass of orange juice.
Except we used MagnetStreet and a coupon code. And I really love looking at our magnet our on fridge, especially since our anniversary is coming up. We took the exact opposite approach and figured that most people would quickly toss the Save the Date, so made ours a postcard that can be folded into an origami crane complete with video instructions by the fiance and myself: If only the world would read guides like this.
Next time I get something addressed to Mr. Over two years later we still get a good chunk of Christmas cards addressed incorrectly. But, like Eh says, maybe address something to her maiden name ;. But all this just sort of proves the point: No one else does either, except, of course, those who are sticklers for the rule book ;.
Please mail us this card -or- Email us at hello myfirstandhisfirst. As soon as we sent an email telling people the website was up with hotel blocks and travel info, we started getting RSVPs online, so the cards might only even be necessary for a subset of guests. Agreed— we had a very casual invitation, and included and RSVP date, then listed each of our phone numbers and email addresses, and put our website URL at the very bottom.
Our grandmothers replied via a parent or an aunt with no issue. However, we want to word it to make it very clear that this is only for the people that were, you know, actually invited, and not just a free for all where you can add in anyone you want to bring.
Oof this is tough. Any way that you can have it set so that a person can see how many RSVPs they get? I struggled with this too, since our website is through Squarespace and we are also using their Google Forms integration. Attached is a picture of what our RSVP page looks like right now though I might make some minor changes to the wording at the top.
It is set up as a hidden page, so we plan to provide the direct page address on the invites. Ooh thanks for sending the image! If so, you might want to include both in your last sentence up there.
People start looking for any little loophole they can find! But please, don't follow these rules for face-to-face conversation. I've never gotten past texting; I actually have no idea what real dating is like. Trust me on this. If you get a well-typed, thoughtful paragraph about her bad day or his dinner suggestions, the most impactful response is a nice "k. The one-word answer is akin to the smile and nod in face-to-face conversation. It recognizes the person is talking, but allows you the freedom to completely zone out and instead focus on what's important to you.
The worst thing that could ever happen is to give her a whiff of how desperate you are for this date. When she sends you a text like "What are you doing today? She'll immediately conjure images of you practicing your latest ballad on your guitar or volunteering at a soup kitchen — you know, something super fly.
If she waits an hour to respond to your text, then she's obviously really important. You should wait two hours to prove you're more important and busy than she is. Apply this ratio to every text.
If simple conversations take days, you're doing it right. This is also particularly effective in situations where the other person might be concerned for your emotional or physical well-being. Sending messages like "we need to talk" with no follow-up for hours is a good way to keep her anticipating your next move. Every couple is different, and the waiting game doesn't always pay off as planned. The longer he doesn't respond, assume the worst.
Then make sure to communicate panic in your responses. Obviously something is wrong. Why wouldn't he respond to you right away? There's no possible explanation. What, do you want to be the one who is always putting the most effort into the relationship?
Of course you don't. You deserve a partner who cares. You deserve the first text every day. Even though you've got at least an hour to craft each response to perfection if you're following rule No. You don't have time to spell things correctly — you're busy volunteering at the soup kitchen, remember? Remove unnecessary letters and words from your post. Vowels in particular are easy to cut. The key is to look as illiterate as possible, while still appearing to have some semblance of how words work.
For example, an appropriate response to the question, "What are you doing tonight? Are you headed to the bar with the bros?
Did you have two beers with your bros? Are you advertising a two-bedroom apartment with your male roommates?
Iamges: etiquette for dating sites
If the man asks you to pick the restaurant, choose a moderately-priced restaurant or find restaurant discounts and coupons.
First of all, if the man is paying, he will pay for all your drinks, which will quickly add up on the bill.
Do not expect the man to continue to pay for nice dinners and evenings out, even though some men will still pay. I do see some difference between, say, a young friend who just moved in with her boyfriend of several years this was me. Getting back invites where etiquette for dating sites replied with random folks they decided they wanted to etiquette for dating sites was a particular highlight of our wedding planning. This example is hysterical, and no, not better, much worse, haha!! You should always, always, always include multiple exclamation points at the fishing dating free of positive responses.
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