It has also served the double purpose of a convenient meeting place and time for the Hmong leadership, from the days of China even until now. In my opinion, if he's does consider you two in an actual relationship then he's probably not quite comfortable yet how to introduce you to his family. Before the new couple enters the groom's house, the father performs a blessing ritual, asking the ancestors to accept her into the household Lwm qaib. Basically, the situation I was in. On the second day, the family of the bride prepares a second wedding feast at their home, where the couple will be married Noj tshoob.
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I don't know if that would make them first or second gen. In traditional Hmong spiritual practices, one does not separate the physical well-being of a person from their spiritual health; the spiritual realm is highly influential and dictates what happens in the physical world. After a couple of days, the boy can then "zij" the girl. This is traditionally only a symbolic kidnapping. During and post-wedding, there are many rules or superstitious beliefs a bride must follow. Don't be afraid about making mistakes, and if unsure, ask for clarification. The number of souls lost determines how serious the illness.
Just go help do the dishes. The kitchen is where the women gather and the easiest way to get plugged in and to belong is to integrate yourself with them. You can ask to help with the food prep but that requires instructions and supervision.
If you make it a point to work on the dishes without being asked you will win major brownie points with the extended family. Have fun, learn, be curious and kind, ask questions. The Hmong have a beautiful and amazing history and culture and will eventually share it with you. Good replies in this thread. Doing chores without being asked will be a plus, it'll show you know how to do work since all Hmong wives are expected to be chore machines. I'm not great at explaining since I don't even know my own culture super well but the best I can explain it is like this: I took the kids to school, you should pick them up.
Culturally it's not like that, it's more like the wife just does everything such as cook, clean, and all other chores. In my opinion, if you want to get along with them or want the approval of the parents, do chores without asking.
If they are chopping meat, start helping them. If there are dishes and someone isn't doing them, start the dishes. It's really hard to change the view of the older generation.
To me, I don't see how they expect their children to not be interested in other ethnicities, we are in a different country and if they didn't want to marry outside the ethnicity, they shouldn't have come here but that's a whole different argument. Ultimately, you shouldn't have to impress his parents becuase if he loves you and you love him that should be it.
I agree with your comments about this is America too, but—Family is so incredibly important in the Hmong culture and community, and doing the dishes to impress the parents costs OP nothing. A little give can make the relationship start off better.
Out of curiosity are you second generation Hmong-American? I would say so yeah but my parents might actually be considered second. My parents were young 4th or 5th grade when they moved to the states, they both did a little bit of college but never graduated. I don't know if that would make them first or second gen. I consider my children first generation because they were the first in my husband's line to be born here. I had to look it up and we are both right. All of these things factor in for OP, I suppose, in how well she is received and ultimately integrated into the family unit.
I always try to do the dishes but my boyfriend gets mad at me for doing them for someone reason. I've talked to him about the reason why they don't really favor me and he did inform me about the extended line of culture in his family which I completely respect.
I have a bit of an issue to ask for translation, but I believe that once I keep asking, I'll get used to it. The first part of the process is "ua neeb Saib": If during ua neeb Saib the shaman observes something seriously wrong with the individual, such as a soul having lost its way home and caught by some spiritual being, the shaman will end the first part of the ceremony process by negotiating with the spiritual being "whoever has control of this individual soul" to release the soul; most of the time this will do.
After that, the shaman would lead the soul to its home. After a waiting period, if the sick individual becomes well, then the second part of the ceremony, referred to as ua neeb kho , will be performed, in which joss paper is burned and livestock is sacrificed in exchange for the well-being and future protection of the individual's soul. Extended family and friends are invited to partake in the ceremony and tie a white string around the wrist khi tes of the individual.
The strings are blessed by the shaman and as each person ties it around the individual's wrist, they say a personalized blessing. Studies done within the Hmong American communities show that many Hmong continue to consult shamans for their health concerns. Domestic worshipping is usually also done in front of this.
This wall paper altar serves as the main protector of the house. It is the place, wherever a household decides to place it, where worshiping, offerings joss paper, animal, etc. In addition, Shamans also have their own personal altar that holds their special instruments and dag neeg. During a ritual, or when a shaman is under a trance, it is prohibited to walk between the altar and the shaman when the shaman in speaking directly with the otherworld. Not everyone gets to become a shaman; they must be chosen by the spirits to become an intermediary between the spiritual realm and physical world.
In Hmong shamanism, a shaman can be a man or a woman. Typically, there is a strong chance for an individual to become a shaman if their family history contains shamans.
Usually the amount of time for a shaman to be done with training depends on the spiritual guardians that guide the shaman in the process of performing the rituals dag neeg. According to traditional Hmong beliefs, these symptoms are the result of shamanic spirits dab neeb trying to get through to the Shaman-to-be. For those that still practice Shamanism, they're able to recognize these symptoms and cure their loved ones by helping them develop into full fledged Shamans.
For those that are blessed to become a Shaman and do not want to practice Shamanism, they often turn to Christian exorcism , western medicine, and psych wards. For the few that accept becoming Shamans, it is considered an honor to help their own. In the Hmong community, shamans are highly respected.
Many Hmong still follow the tradition of taking herbal remedies. A common practice among the Hmong women is following a strict diet after childbirth. This consists of warm rice, fresh boiled chicken with herbs koj thiab ntiv , lemon grass, and a little salt. It is believed to be a healing process for the women. For 30 days nyob dua hli , she will stay on this diet in order to cleanse her body of leftover blood and avoid future illness.
Kav coining or spooning is another form of treatment that involves using the edge of a silver coin or spoon to scrape the surface of the skin. The process begins by applying tiger balm tshuaj luan paub onto the areas that will be scraped to help open the pores on the body and release toxins.
One Festive Holiday the Hmong culture celebrates is the Hmong New Year celebration is a cultural tradition that takes place annually in selected areas where Hmong community exist and in a modified form where smaller communities come together.
During the New Year's celebration, Hmong dress in traditional clothing and enjoy Hmong traditional foods, dance, music, bull fights, and other forms of entertainment. Hmong New Year celebrations have Hmong ethnic traditions and culture, and may also serve to educate those who have an interest in Hmong tradition.
Hmong New Year celebrations frequently occur in November and December traditionally at the end of the harvest season when all work is done , serving as a Thanksgiving holiday for the Hmong people. Historically, the Hmong New Year celebration was created to give thanks to ancestors and spirits as well as to welcome in a new beginning. It is also a time of the year where Hmong people gather with family and meet with relatives from other regions. Traditionally, the celebration lasts for ten days, has been shortened in America due to the difference between the traditional Hmong farming schedule and that of the American hr work week schedule.
It has also served the double purpose of a convenient meeting place and time for the Hmong leadership, from the days of China even until now.
During the Hmong New Year celebration, the Hmong ball tossing game pov pob is a common activity for adolescents. Boys and girls form two separate lines in pairs that are directly facing one another. Girls can ball toss with other girls or boys, but boys cannot ball toss with other boys. It is also taboo to toss the ball to someone of the same clan and date the same clan.
The pairs toss a cloth ball back and forth, until one member drops the ball. If a player drops or misses the ball, an ornament or item is given to the opposite player in the pair. Ornaments are recovered by singing love songs hais kwv txhiaj to the opposite player. The celebration is to acknowledge the completion of the rice-harvesting season—thus, the beginning of a new year—so that a new life can begin as the cycle of life continues.
During this celebration, every "wandering" soul of every family member is called back to unite with the family again and the young will honor the old or the in-laws—a ritual of asking for blessings from elders of the house and clan as well as the in-laws of other clans.
Also, during the Hmong New Year celebration, house spirits as well as the spirit of wealth xwm kab are honored. In addition, if a shaman is in the house, the healing spirits of She-Yee are also honored and released to wander the land Neeb Foob Yeem —similar to vacationing after a long year of working—until they are called back right after new year. The list above is what a Hmong New Year is. All these things take place for only 3 days. During the Tsa Hauv Toj celebration, Hmong dress in traditional clothing and enjoy Hmong traditional foods, dance, music, bull fights, and other forms of entertainment.
Hmong New Year celebrations preserve Hmong ethnic traditions and culture, and may also serve to educate those who are interested in Hmong tradition. Hmong New Year celebrations occurred anytime within or close to the end of the harvesting period give or take a few days.
However, the Tsa Hauv Toj event is based on lunar calendar, typically in November and December which would consider a month ahead of western calendar. Another Hmong Festival that this culture celebrates is, Independence Day. The Hmong celebrate Independence Day to celebrate the anniversary their freedom.
Many tribes are distinguished by the color and details of their clothing. Black Hmong wear deep indigo dyed hemp clothing that includes a jacket with embroidered sleeves, sash, apron and leg wraps. The Flower Hmong are known for very brightly colored embroidered traditional costume with beaded fringe. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This section possibly contains original research. Please improve it by verifying the claims made and adding inline citations.
Statements consisting only of original research should be removed. October Learn how and when to remove this template message. Southeast Asia portal Laos portal Culture portal. They had a party on Saturday, and I just feel lost when they switch to speaking Hmong and start laughing.
One of the guys brought up her ex-boyfriend and then started speaking another language afterward. That's about as awkward as it has gotten. I'm another white guy with a Hmong girlfriend and I can't stress enough about the drink thing. It's offensive to refuse anything so slowly sipping on a beer is a good idea but it doesn't always work.
Also, if you bring any alcohol like a six pack, make sure you leave anything that's left over, do not take it home with you. I just wanted to first and foremost, congratulate you on the biggest first step in the relationship!
You probably might not think much of it and consider it "inevitable" but culturally, it is a huge step for the relationship if the woman introduces her boyfriend to her family.
One of the big things about the culture is that word gets around fast within the community because it's so close-knit , and the reason why it's such a huge step is because once a woman is married, she's completely cut off from her family as a "daughter.
Anyway, a good way to make a good impression is be open, don't be afraid to talk to the elders most of them know English, and mostly all can still communicate effectively even with their broken English , ask a question if you do not know or do not understand! Hmong events have a lot of drinking involved, so if you're not the drinking type, you can always make up good excuses, such as, "I take a specific type of medication that won't allow me to drink. My husband's favorite thing to do is holding a NOS can and say he already has a can of beer.
It is viewed as highly disrespectful to not. Also, depending on if her family is "hardcore" about drinking, you might get away with "I'm not feeling well. Ask which hand to drink with, which hand to pour from, and what direction this last one is only relevant if you are sitting a table. If it is a shot, it is generally accompanied with some words. Ask who it is from, and why. Always, always keep track of who it is from, and who has drunk from it already because after you drink, you must pass the shot down so that it goes back to the person who first poured it.
Taking "shots" is about quantity, not the quality of the liquor in it since there's so many people in one single event , so more than likely the shot will be some shitty beer like Coors, Bud, etc. However, with that being said, quality liquor does come out, but generally mid-end of an event or if there's not a lot of people. Very important - Do not fall into the trap of someone drinking for you!
When the shots come out, it's about the mind games! So, if it is your turn to drink and someone goes, "bp, this shot is from XYZ because he blahblahblah. I will drink this shot for you because I want you to know that I now think of you as a brother.
Makes you feel good because you aren't drinking, someone's drinking for you, and now they think of you like a brother, right? Later on, when the real liquor comes out and I'm talking about like, Hmong moonshine, not the beer they use to pour into the shot glasses , when it's their turn to drink, they will turn to you and be like, "bp, I drunk for you already, will you help me drink this? They can go with, "bp, you are now my brother, and as my new brother, will you help me drink this?
With that being said, you can't really refuse someone drinking for you, however you can at least prepare yourself for when they want to make you take their drink for them. You can go, "Thank you for viewing me as your new brother, but how about we drink this one together? You drink half, and I'll drink half," or "You drink as much as you can and I will finish the rest for you.
Always shake hand with every single man and say hello to them. It is a gesture of respect and acknowledgement from both sides. On your way out, try to shake hands with every single man before leaving; if you miss a few, it's okay. When you visit her parents, always acknowledge Dad and Mom when you first get there no handshake for Mom.
Iamges: hmong dating culture
After American armed forces pulled out of Vietnam, a communist regime took over in Laos, and ordered the prosecution and re-education of all those who had fought against its cause during the war.
The Hmong people are an ethnic group currently native to several countries, believed to have come from the Yangtze river basin area in southern China.
They had modern dating prehistoric style carolyn stonehill party on Saturday, and I just feel lost when dsting switch to speaking Hmong and start laughing. During the New Year's celebration, Hmong dress in traditional clothing and enjoy Hmong traditional foods, dance, music, bull fights, and other forms of entertainment. The term kwv tij is regarded as one's father's family or hmong dating culture the case of women who are married it refers to her in laws. If it hmong dating culture a shot, it is generally accompanied with some words. During this celebration, every "wandering" soul of every family hmong dating culture is called back to unite with the family again and the young will honor the old or the in-laws—a ritual of asking for blessings from elders of the house and clan as well as the in-laws of other clans.
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