Already in a relationship but attracted to someone else | An Advice A Day - What Danye Says

14 Subtle Signs Your Girlfriend’s Not Over Her Ex

my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else

She was homeless with two boys aged 11 and But I beg pardon and I explained everything she forgave me. If you really love your bf, you need to think from his perspective too. She will try to get you to react and act the way you acted in your past relationship.

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I saw her again after 20 years with no contact. You need to keep moving forward. Before I began NC I sent one last message apologizing for continuing to pressure her into getting back and I would begin to respect her request for time and space. Then they deported me, and I had to try to learn to live in America. She is not happy if care here more and if showed much affection.

It gets scary when you feel attracted to someone else. But I know better. Thank you for the guidance. I do feel better about being committed in a relationship with someone for long term. I am making a comment here because i noticed that many men do not seem to agree with you but I do. I especially admire you views in the last paragraph.

For for the men who have an intelligent woman considering cheating, I will tell you that she will know much sooner than you can ever imagine about your second relationship. Then the hell breaks loose. Relying on that which you possess mentioned in regard to brokerage firm corporations, payouts to be able to buyers, and also the worth regarding 60 Second Options relying on their particular main property, it can be crystal clear in which this sort of expense method is really as reputable because far more recognized sorts of investing these days.

The main big difference concerning a new monetary 60 Second Options, and also a 60 Second Options like land or maybe residence, will be that will monetary 60 Second Optionss will not have some sort of real price, whilst ventures similar to commodities accomplish. I have a question. I am rather confused. My situation is like this. I am in a long term relation ship and i have been with him for almost 2 years.

But recently i realized that i have feeling well i admitted to myself for one of my male friends. And suddenly he confesses that he always had something for me too, all this time and he has always waited for me to be single. And i am very confused. Things turned that I had to go away during a semester for an exchange with my university. So I started dating someone else why I was on exchange, trying to forget about my feeling for the person back home. It worked out to the point that I had developed some mutual feeling with that person until now and we are still in a long distance relationship.

Something happened when I had to cancel a big event we had planed months ago with the first person I had a crush on before I leave. I felt extremely bad and started to cry because I felt that my attendance to that event with that person was first built first on hope that we will maybe be together when I come back, and cancelling it was like killing all hopes.

Dear Danye, reading your articles, I should think my story to be okay. My boyfriend we have been together for almost 10 years — 5 years long distance has just admitted to me that he got some attraction to other girl 2 days ago and it has been settled down now.

He said he was vulnerable because he stays alone far far away and some of his friends has left. He is committed enough and he even told that girl that he will marry me next year so he put some boundaries between them. Overall, actually nothing to be worried, he said. Therefore, do you mind to advice: How to settle my own feeling and how I should react to him while I am still getting hurt?

How to maintain our relationship stronger ahead? This article is very very useful to me. He truly is my best friend and I can go to him for anything, but on the other hand I have coworker who is very flirty, has the same interests as my boyfriend, and almost acts exactly like my boyfriend.

How can I eliminate the attraction to my coworker and have a good friendship and keep my relationship with my boyfriend healthy? Life is precious, we live, die, why the heck we spend time with people whilst longing to be with another.. Im Bisexual and I have a Girlfriend but its long distanced now cause she moved..

Im really scared too lose her, Im practically in love with her. One night I had cuddled with one of my best friends, and so my girlfriend got jealous, and made out with her ex bf. Im scared that I can lose her soon..

At my high school, I like this girl, shes a senior, im a sophomore. I really like her. Whenever Gabby my crush she hugs me, I love it! But she says she in love with me too, I mean if she were she wouldnt be making out or letting her friend kiss her right? Never have I acted on them. How does it work? I am honest with my hubby. He knows I get crushes, and we laugh them off. It keeps things interesting. Have u heard of emotional affairs? Even if there is no physical affair? I think we must learn to recognise and prevent any romantic feelings developing out with our current relationship, assuming you value and want that relationship to continue and flourish.

I also have a question, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, he works full time in the day and also has his own business working at a local wedding venue.

Another girl started working there a year ago so he sees alot of her when he is there. We went out for his birthday and he invited her, they were very flirty with one another and she kept smiling and looking at him all night ignoring me.

Im not normally a jealous person as I know he loves me which he tells me all the time and we have never had an issue before but on the night I have never seen him react like this around another woman. He was being touchy feely and saying how lovely she is as well as boasting to all his mates about her job. When I confronted him he wouldnt talk about it, the next day he was being nice and normal as he would usually be and has ever since.

I cant help but feel as though he has strong feelings for her and I dont know what to do? I pretty much agree with what you said in this post except for one thing: You said that if the person turns away from you when they find out you are dating someone, then that person was never interested in being friends with you in the first place. She likes to go out with friends to town a lot leavinig me on my own. One day I was looking out of the room window after a bit a seriously very larger black ladie caught my eye she start getting closer to our house as she did she looked even.

Her bottom was wider than the front door she had to turn side ways to go through it her tits were humongus they came down past her waist with a bra on. I thought my self I would love to hold her lovely huge tits and have slow unprotected sex with her.

We now know each other a lot now. She weighs 32 stone her tits are a size 74 double S cup. The issue I have is I think Kate size is way to big for me. Interesting opinion you have. I have been there, i gave it a lot of thought and finally broke it up, best decision ever. At first i was afraid, but i kept wondering if that was the best i could aspire to in a relationship, and im telling you: Thanks Alot am Facing same situation And not understanding What should i do.

But after reading this m clear that the Person with whom i have been for soo long is best for me. But actually i have a question pls gimme suggestion Actually am more comfortable with another Guy he makes me feel special n taking to him give me relax what should i do please help me. I am with a guy from past 5 years. I want to spend my whole life with him but right now i shifted to other city and college and here i made a senior friend.

He talks to me a lot. When he gets drunk he rings me up and tells me things about his ex girlfriend who cheated on him. He shows all of his frustration and anger. I thought this could be a good friendship. But i am kind of confused because right now i am in long distance. My boyfriend is very very loyal to me.

Feeling or why his actions matter a lot for me. But when i ask myself with whome do i want to spend my life then i can only imagine my boyfriend at that place and no one else.

So does this mean i am not loyal to him? Or is this okay to be good friends with the other guy? And yes my boyfriend knows every bit of my friendship with my senior.

But do you think this friend of mine has developed some feelings for me or have i developed something for him? S- i am kind of an over thinker over every small issue. A lot of us overthink. Your other friend seems to be very comfortable with you. Long distance is not an easy thing. It sounds like what you have with your long distance bf is strong. I have a lot of respect for you two being loyal to each other. Loyalty should be trust and comfort, not a power to constrain you from developing other strong friendships.

Be honest with yourself, and everything else will work out its own way. You are highly vast in knowledge in the area of relationship and objective too. I really do appreciate your ideology. It is brilliant and honest! My boyfriend is not OK with me dating two people at once. He said it will crush him. What do I do? If you really love your bf, you need to think from his perspective too. I regret what I did. I took it too far.

I learned my lesson though. I regret it with all my heart. I am sorry for your situation. What shall I do. You are commenting using your WordPress. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account.

Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email. Also known as deniseyezi. Writing for young professionals, women and internationals living abroad about everyday life, and what we can learn from things and people around us. Advice not just with experience, but with character.

Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to deniseyezi and anadviceaday. Chances are you will get over your crush pretty soon, though for some people it might be a little bit tough and you might want to run through the following exercises to figure things out: Distinguish Attraction and Love You can be attracted to many people for different reasons, and a lot of the attractions may be very strong at the beginning.

Respect Yourself as a Good Person And identify with those people who respect you in the same way. Comments 65 Trackbacks 4 Leave a comment Trackback.

Thank you deniseyez, pipsters, and guido. All very valid points. I just realized this also helped me letting it all out.

Thank you so much…really helped…. Thank you for showing me the right direction. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Email required Address never made public. So, think of a joke that you think she will find funny and send it to her. A deep connection is the difference between lovers who stay together forever and lovers who are together for only a short while.

If you can learn to develop a deep connection with the woman you love, you are going to etch yourself in her heart like no one else before you. You will be able to turn even the biggest flaker into a loyal, loving girlfriend. You want to slowly increase the amount of time you and your ex girlfriend speak. Once you are able to make her smile or laugh, she should be open to hear more from you.

To do that, you must first make an effort to understand your ex girlfriend better than anyone else. Better yet, you need to understand her better than she understands herself. If you can achieve that level, you can rest assured that your ex girlfriend will want to stay with you forever. Here are a few topics that you should speak about to make her feel understood and connected with you.

Talk about things she is passionate about. About the things she cares about. To get her to start talking about things that she cares about, you should start talking about the things that matter to you and you are passionate about. I loved that show you did at the club house. Man, I wish I were that good. How did you become so good at it? Our childhood is the deepest corner of our psyche that pretty much rules our adult life.

Talking about your childhood and how it affected you is a great way to understand yourself and your ex girlfriend on a deeper level. Again, use creative questions like,. It was an amazing family time for me.

Did you have a place your family went to for summer vacations? Finding common enemy is a great way to make friends. You can use this to your advantage. Speak about the person she likes the least and try to understand why she dislikes her or him. By validating her negative emotions about this person, you will make her feel understood.

Chances are, your ex still has feelings for you. She might also have some negative feelings about the breakup or the reasons that lead to the breakup. Getting her to talk about these things can work to your advantage if you do it right. Even if she talks about something negative about you or your past relationship, you should not take it a bad sign. You can prove to her that you have really changed by remaining calm and handling conflict and negative feelings like a pro.

But, it can also affect you badly if you are not prepared. Getting her to meet you should be easy if you build a strong connection with her over texts and phone calls first. Just tell her that you want to meet up with her for a coffee. A face to face meetup is your ultimate opportunity to increase attraction, connection and trust with her. But you should not rush into it.

You should be speaking to her for at least a couple weeks before you ask her out. If she refuses or is hesitant, give her a little nudge. In this case, just focus on rebuilding connection with her on phone and ask her out again after a week. If you suspect she is dating someone else, read this article to figure out what to do. If you are in this stage, you risk ending up in the friend zone.

This usually happens to guys who are too afraid to speak about difficult topics and try to stay in the safe zone. In other words, this usually happens to guys who are too scared to lose her.

Who are scared that the wrong move will make her stop talking to you. Who are scared that if you screw up, she will block you and never speak to you again. If you look at it from another angle, this happens to guys who are still insecure at this stage and have no confidence. Guys who have put their ex girlfriend on a pedestal and refuse to let her down. If she feels that you are too timid and really want her in your life to feel good about yourself, she will keep you in her life, but as a friend.

She loved you and probably cares about you, but she will not get back with you out of pity. She will keep you as a friend and use you for emotional support though. The first thing I will ask you to do is read Stage 2 of this guide.

If you are confident and secure in yourself, she will probably not think of you as friendzone material in the first place. But, if you still feel like she is using you to just dump all her emotional baggage without giving you anything in return, do the following.

Have an equal relationship: If she uses you for emotional support, use her as emotional support. If she talks about her feelings, you should also spend enough time talking about your feelings. If she asks you to pick her up from the airport, ask her to do the same. Instead, set a boundary. Yes, she might stop talking to you for a while, but she will respect you more for it and will probably start talking again when she misses the connection you both have.

A lot of guys make the mistake of asking your ex-girlfriend out as soon as they start speaking to her. If you ask her out too soon, she is going to put up her defenses and will become reluctant. In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend will do or say things that she knows will make you angry. She will try to get you to react and act the way you acted in your past relationship.

If something makes you angry or upset, you should address it, but you should not do it the way you used to do. You should breathe, calm down and tell her clearly what makes you upset and what are your boundaries. Alright mates, this is the final boss. The moment you have been waiting for.

Because when you meet her, you will have the ultimate opportunity to show her how much you have changed and how things will be different this time. She is going to be skeptical about a lot of things. And for good reasons. You both had a relationship and it ended badly. If your first meeting ends up with both of you just talking about the breakup and your past relationship, it will look like that you are both meeting just to get closure.

Instead, you should use this time to talk about what has changed in your life since the breakup. You should talk about the good times and good memories. And you should have a good time together and create good memories together. If she wants to talk about something that happened during the breakup or your past relationship, you should be willing to talk about it. You should be able to resolve the issue swiftly so you can get back to having a good time with her.

A lot of time, guys try to avoid any difficult topics because they are scared their ex girlfriend will become upset and the date will go badly. Instead, learn how to handle arguments and negativity in a conversation. Learn how to understand her without patronizing her. Learn how to be an adult in a difficult situation. If your date goes well, try to extend it to a different venue. You should take the lead and ask her to join you for something else. Kino is simply a term that is used to describe the art of touching.

You want to have physical contact with you ex girlfriend as much as possible during this date. You should also use intimate actions as much as you can. Actions that only couples do with each other. Your job is to show her a great time and show her that you have changed and are well equipped for a healthy relationship. Instead, you want to let this experience linger in her mind for a while.

Hopefully, she will talk about doing it again herself. If she does, set up a date and time immediately.

If you have done everything right till now, it should be easy to get her to give you another shot. This is like the final boss fight in a very long video game. Just like you would stock up on potions and ammo before a final boss fight, you should stock up on attraction, connection and trust before asking her to be your girlfriend again.

Ideally, you want it to be her idea to want to get back together. If you have done everything right till now, then your ex girlfriend probably wants you back already. In most cases, she will start talking about the idea of getting back together, about how your relationship will be if you get back together. But if you and your ex girlfriend have been going on dates for a long time at least a month , then you should take the plunge and ask her.

And I am as skeptical about the future as you are. But spending the past few weeks with you have been very nice and I have a good feeling about this. Do you want to give us another try? Maybe take things slow, and see how it goes? You want to ask her to agree to take things slow. You should be as skeptical about getting back together as she is.

After all, you both broke up once. So, if you two decide to get back together, take things slow and analyze your new relationship before committing to it completely. Like I said before, you should stock up on attraction, connection and trust before asking your ex girlfriend to get back together with you.

To do so, you should follow this article in its entirety. Specially Stage 2 and Stage 4. It will send you an email everyday for the next 30 days to help you become a better version of yourself. You can subscribe by taking this quiz. In a lot of cases, your ex girlfriend might say no initially when you talk about getting back together. But sometimes, they change their mind after a few days. Give her a few days time and then start rebuilding attraction and connection again.

Now that you have your ex girlfriend back, all you have to do is keep working on the relationship and making it stronger. You need to work on developing a deep connection with her so she never even thinks about leaving you. Romantic connection is like a plant.

Having someone love you is a great confidence booster. But if you are just depending on your girlfriend for validity, approval and love; she will eventually get tired of it and leave you. Read Stage 2 of this guide to understand how to do that. Honesty and good communication is the key to a healthy relationship. If you learn how to be honest and communicate effectively in your relationship, then every time you both have an argument, it will just bring you both closer.

Yes, you will get closer every time you have a disagreement. So, learn the skills needed for that. Getting complacent is the number one reason most guys end up losing the love of their life. You may get complacent about yourself. Or about your relationship. Life is all about challenges. Even if you successfully win her back, you should still strive for bigger and greater things. You should strive to build a stronger foundation and a better relationship with her. Even if you think you are confident at this point, you should still strive to become a better version of yourself.

You should still work on things that matter to you, including your passions and your life goals. This article is long. If you have read it so far, I commend you for your dedication. It means you are truly serious about getting her back and keeping her.

I share a lot of information over emails to my subscribers. You will not regret it. Take this quiz to subscribe. We have an active comment section. Scroll down to read the comments. Before commenting, read commenting guidelines. Hey, bit of background first.. We were together for just over 6 months, both admitted what we had was different and we both said We loved eachother, the way we felt was different and better than previous relationships.

We were both abit clingy and got a little jealous about others exes, things were abit complicated as her recent ex13 still had her number as to contact about animals they owned together.. Everything was great went on holiday together and having amazing relationship, talking about the future etc..

Then a month and a half ago we broke up, over phone.. I begged and pleaded for the first day and then I stopped. I asked about giving her some space and then 5 days later I messaged and got negative reaction.

I started NC and then 2 weeks later she messaged and we met up to swap stuff over. When she messaged I took my time to answer and she answered in the same minutes I replied, she was waiting with hee phone. When we met i was confident, happy, smiling, not letting her know how much it hurt. I am still in NC but I have been working on myself during this time, I know what went wrong during our relationship and have been working on it.

Stopping my neediness, clingy behaviour, seeing my friends doing my hobbies like I wanted to, working on myself and getting a positive attitude and improving my mindset. I am going to follow the steps of the elephant in the room text, I am blocked on social media some but only removed on a couple others, don't think my number is blocked, but I'm thinking of writing the letter form of the elephant in the room text.

My questions are, is there a way yet to send a draft of the letter for pointers and improvements? And does it sound like a good idea? When we broke up she told me she does still love me, but doesn't feel the same anymore, we agreed to be friends days after the breakup but not just yet. It happened out of the blue as the communication wasn't great towards the end about any problems between us, during the phonecall things came up from weeks before that if she had told me about them we could have talked and she wouldn't have got the wrong end of the stick so to speak, for example: This sort of thing happened a few times..

But I want to get her back try. I'm going to write the letter today, try not to send it until you reply.. You could post your letter under our forum for feedback regarding the content. It definitely sounds like a good idea but perhaps wait until after NC is completed before sending the letter. It seems like communication is one of the key issues here, and it should be something addressed in the letter as well, since there was a clear difference in frequency regarding the issues between the two of you.

Thanks for your quick reply! I'm drafting a couple of letters up just to compare, I've mentioned what I realised was wrong in the relationship that contributed to her decision, the fact that I have and am continuing to work on those bad habits etc, the main ones are communication and neediness from insecurity, apologised for how I acted during the breakup and am including in the letter the fact I am a better version of myself and am doing the things I normally do and wanted to do giving a little glimpse.

I have been in NC for a while now, it stopped for the day when she text me about swapping stuff and we met up, but then slipped right back into nc. Been a month now, how long should I stay in NC for? She is stubborn, but I don't want to miss the stage where she will miss me and go straight to moving on and forgetting about me, I know timing is important.. Or should I engage in conversation if positive and follow steps in this post?

Im in a messy situation and i need help. I'll give you as short a story as possible, and hope you can help me. So me and my ex had been together for about a year, but things started to turn badly the last couple of months, and we would constantly fight. She had a hard time see things from my point of view, and i really believe i tried to the opposite to her. At one point the fights became so frequent, that i decided to break up with her.

Soon after i realised that i still really loved her, and that i wanted to give it a last shot. So we came back together, and everything was great, but then the fighting started again and she wanted to take it slow, and i truly respected that.

We had a great time after that, more or less. But then she got really drunk at a party, and cheated on me, and told me so.. In the beginning the shock really got to me. She wanted me back to begin with, and really truly was sorry.

I said a lot of mean stuff, i really did not know how to handle the situation. Of course i got drunk that day, and she was out drinking too, so we met up. I begged her to give our relationship another chance, but she wouldn't, and said it was best this way. That same night i sent her like 15 desperate messages, all of which she didn't respond.

The day after, i wrote really stupid things to her, which might have pushed her even further away. Later i wrote an apology for my behaviour since we broke up, and we decided not to contact each other for the time being. I really love her, and i am ready to forgive her, as i have been prone to neglecting her these last couple of months, and i deeply regret it, i realised i have to change for her, and i will.

Should i just follow up with the no contact period, is there a chance for us? Sorry this didn't turn up to be short anyway. At this point, you can't look at things as you forgiving her and ready to give her another chance because she's no longer chasing you or trying to make things up to you. Given how things have turned out regarding your actions in pushing her away, it might be a good idea to go into no contact right now to give her some space to let go of her negative view on you, and for you to pick yourself up from the recent events and work on a plan to win her back.

My ex and I broke up on Monday and she used her daughter as the reason to finish it with me. Her daughter spent the night with her ex for the first time on Friday night and this was painful for her. She said if this happens more often she will just want to spend time with her and not me.

The other week she said we had a future and she said she loved me on Monday just before she broke up with me. What do I do? I have not contacted her since the break up and she hasn't me. What is the best way to win her back if any? You should prove to her that you're supportive of her choice in wanting to be there for her daughter since her daughter would always come first. Show that you're capable of that, and still be patient and loving to her in spite of her not spending as much time with you, and sooner or later she would open up to trusting you more and allowing you into her family.

For example, she showered me with gifts on my bday and now it seems only fitting that i respond since her bday is literally one month later same day. If i get her flowers and gifts to reciprocate, would that positively move her closer to bringing up getting back together? You could use her birthday to soften her up with meaningful gifts, and that would probably increase your chances, but based on what you're saying - you seem to be doing fine even without that opportunity given that you've gone out with her a couple of times since NC.

Just continue working on that and building up the level of comfort and bond you share with her. At what point do I try telling her if we can take it slow again or something? What if she is expecting ME to make the move?

You could always progress things along in a casual manner, similar to how you would progress when dating someone for the first time. Instead of just asking, why not go with the flow and let things happen on its own when you're out together with her.

I have another question. Typically, friends split the bill and each pay for their own food and tickets to whatever with some exceptions of course. Should this be my behavior? If you were trying to win her back and you think offering to pay might continue to further impress her, you could always consider that. However, if it's genuinely more towards building just a friendship up for now first, split the bill. I stuffed up after 2 weeks Nc..

Knowing my ex she is always after my to react.. I have been blocked on social media she has been deactivating and reactivating her Fb First a little background. I have always been a little clingy in my relationships and she had the same issue so we became codependent. Fast forward to two weeks ago when she says she wants to slow down and just date we had been talking about the future, marriage and kids a lot. I tried to stop all of the future talk but it was hard to go from talking about it all the time to never mentioning it.

Well she broke up with me because I was clingy and got worse when I felt her pull away. When we broke up admittedly I was crushed and did the begging and negotiating thing that just made me look worse.

Since I had been almost living with her half a week or more I got all of my stuff and she came the next day to get hers from my place. By the time I got home she had deleted and blocked me across all social media. She did not want to see me so she asked if I could leave her stuff outside. When I knew she had left I went outside and she had left a box of all the gifts I had given her from jewelry including at Tiffany necklace that she adored to stuffed animals.

My questions are why would she give back all of the stuff that was gifts and how can I show her I have changed during the NC period since she had blocked me everywhere?

NC period would not act as a continuation of the relationship in your case but rather a fresh start, as if you were dating someone for the first time. It seems that she wants to cut off all contact with you and make a clean break up right now, due to whatever that has happened. The best thing you can do is to let the breakup happen and slowly learn to accept it.

By begging or asking for her back, you'll only push her further away and ruin your chances. Give her some time, and work on your issues in the meantime.

At the end of NC, if she still does not want to respond to you or responds negatively, you might have to be fair to yourself and consider walking away from this.

Is there a way I can ask her casually without seeming like i am just still my old self? I am currently on rebuilding attraction, we have gone on a couple of dates, and already even have plans for two more. It depends on how your ex is as a person. You could always casually mention it in passing as a joke or teasing her, but in all honesty, if she's only just dating someone casually, you'd stand a better chance given your connection with her, and by bringing the topic up, you risk her getting upset with you.

Are there any signs to know if my ex is playing hard to get? I know my ex well and I know she is prideful. They can work in similar reasons as signs they love you or want you back mean they have feelings but have made it not very obvious for you to tell for certain. And probably so, that she would not allow you to touch her if she had 0 feelings for you or felt uncomfortable with it, but the fact that she didn't reject it meant she probably still feels something towards you.

Continue to take things a step at a time, and see how it plays out. Ok so here is my situation. Me and my ex were together for a while and we both agreed that that time was the best time of our lives.

Then one day she just said that she wasn't ready for a real relationship and said that she still had feelings for me, but she didn't think that we should be in any sort of serious relationship at the moment.

I was very confused by this, but I didn't ask for any clarification because I took this as her asking for a bit of space. Instead, I went to a friend of mine who is also my ex's closest friend and asked what I should do and she also told me to give her space. I did this for about weeks where we had minimal contact and I gave her space. She texted me a few times during this time, but I still didn't talk to her very much.

She didn't want to talk about anything serious and I respected that until the end. That's when I just told her that I couldn't go on not knowing how she felt about me and I asked her to be more open when she talked to me all of this was done as gently as possible.

I told her that I wanted the relationship to work, but I couldn't go along not knowing how she felt anymore. After I said this she told me that she had lost feelings for me and that we should just be friends. I said "I have nothing against being your friend and I hope that we can continue to be friends and one day work towards something more, but I don't think we can do that at the moment.

I acted visibly mopey for the first week, but I'm much better now. I talked to my friends and they helped me feel better and then I decided that I wanted to get beck together with her. I spent 4 weeks making a plan, but then one of her friends told me to stop and that my ex just wasn't interested anymore.

After that I decided to restart my plan, but be a bit more subtle about it. Before I began trying again, I apologized to my ex for planning behind her back and that I did want to still be connected to her and us being friends is fine for now. Now I'm 5 days into no contact and I don't know what to do next. I already know that this is going to take a long time, and I'm willing to take the time because she is worth it, but she seems to have moved on in less than a month and she doesn't seem to care about me anymore, and I'm a bit discouraged by that.

What can I do next? Just because someone has lost feelings for you, doesn't mean those feelings can't be regained. The fact that she fell for you in the first place meant that there was something about you that attracted her. Understand what that is, and when NC is over, include that in attraction factor with your plan and win her back as if it were your first time chasing her.

I dated my girlfriend for almost seven years We'v had a few but major problems in the relationship n I ended it for 8 months. Then the girlfriend tried numerous times for us to back together, but jst ignored her attempts.

And she says we can still communicate cos she still loves me but we can't be to together anymo and that she has developed the luv for other guy I would know what should or can I do to get her back to be my girlfriend. There isn't much you can do at this point because she's in her rebound relationship, and it's best to let it self-destruct on its own as opposed to you interfering and causing feelings of hostility towards you.

Bear in mind that you were the one who broke up with her and rejected her attempts to reconcile, resulting in her rebound relationship, so it's something you would probably have to live with. If you're convinced it's a rebound, it'll be over eventually. However in the mean time, work on improving yourself and your life in general and keep distracted. I finally decided to quit my old job, and finally got a job in something I like doing I now work from home.

Been focusing on improving myself to be the best me I can be. There are no signs of someone else or anything. I tried to keep it going although i often ended it since the advice on here is to slowly build up the texting.

Did i do something wrong? Perhaps meeting you brought back negative feelings relating to the breakup, which caused her to act this way. I would suggest you give her more space, and to continue with NC again for awhile longer, before contacting her a second time. But she set up another date herself not sure if you missed that part. Please reply to this if there is any more input or at least some words of encouragement would be apreciated. Do you think there's a chance you did something to upset her during the second date?

People would have different reasons to back away, one possibility could be that, while another may be that meeting you was more for closure than reconciliation, or even that she's simply busier during this period to maintain small talk with you.

Either way, hang in there and give her a little space for now, and maybe drop her a text again in a couple of days to check in with her. First, I have to say that you are awesome! I am learning so much from your articles. However, i found them too late. Here is the story: The last year or so went downhill because I didn't appreciate her anymore, took her basically for granted, and started to neglect her and her needs because of my new job, which was very stressfull, and I worked very long hours.

I wasn't doing it on purpose, i loved her very much, she meant everything to me, and she still does. She decided that she wasn't in love with me anymore and left me on September 23rd of last year. Just 2 days later, she came back crying, saying she made a huge mistake and we got back together. But within the next 2 months, it all started coming back to her, she said she is again feeling trapped when she is in my house.

She left for 3 weeks, she went on a holiday with her sister and her boyfriend. During that time she was away she called me because she missed me. When she came back after new year, she again came back crying, saying she missed me a lot and couldn't be without me. And again, everything was ok for a couple of weeks, but then, she decided she needs some space, and we should not see each other for a while.

About a month later, it was valentines, which was also our anniversary. My emotions got the best of me, i called her, we met up and i broke down crying ang begging her to take me back.

She said she doesn't love me anymore, that she got used to living without me, and she was okay with it. She also said, that she wouldn't like to try again right now, but maybe when i move out of my house into an apartment by myself, because she just couldn't come back to that house. I of course was crying and said ok, just don't get rid of me because i can't live without you.

That was 4 days ago. I only found your articles a day before yesterday, and immediately saw all the mistakes i made. I sent her a text message saying i was sorry for being rude and needy, my emotions got the best of me, and that i realised now, the breakup was a good thing.

She replied she wishes me all the best in life. I did not reply to her, and started no contact. Given the time you guys were together, you definitely do have a chance with her.

However, you have to work towards understanding why she first decided she wasn't in love with you anymore, as well as her reasons for feeling suffocated, and changing those aspects about yourself if you want another shot. Since she has gotten used to living without you, there isn't a point in pressuring her to get back together with you right now, because you would come across as the one who is needy and desperate. Apply No Contact and work on those issues I mentioned earlier, before coming back to try once more as an improved person.

Hello, first of all thank you very much for his very informative website. It helps me accept the pains of my recent break-up. I'm a 36 yr old man from Europe Netherlands Although your website offers a lot of information, i still have some questions concerning my own situation and how to handle with it.

I will try to write the story as compact as possible, since a lot has happened. I'm suffering from a mild form of MS. I was dating an 27 year old girl for 6 months, and she dumped me finally 3 weeks ago. We met through tinder, chatted about 1,5 weeks, started calling each other and the spark was there. When I first met her on date I was honestly a little disappointed, as she looked different in real live then on pictures.

But we talked for hours and went to her house afterwards and slept together was pretty fast for me, i don't like ONS actually. She asked me the next day if it was a one time thing, and I said no, so we started seeing each other more often. Eventually she told me she was sexually abused when she was like 13 although she stated earlier that she was not carrying weight from the past.

She told me she talked with psychologists about and that it was no issue anymore. But only recently she said she dared to talk to the person who did it to her, so i wondered if she really processed this all. She also told me her mother was pretty much a borderliner, and alcoholic. She wanted to do stuff pretty fast in the relationship. After 1,5 month she wanted me to meet her parents.

We had some discussions about the amount of contact on whatsapp and the amount of dates, but no fights. She had problems With her living situation, her work, and her grandfather being Ill. I felt she needed me too much for all her problems.

When I couldn't be there for her when she called me in panic, and when I told her my own problems MS blocked me from coming over to her place, she would never accept it, and she was disappointed in me. I did do allot of other things to help her , and even went tot he hospital a couple of times, because her grandpa with colon cancer was almost dying. When I was there she was happy, but later on she seemed to forget those things I did, and stating, that I was never there for her when she needed me.

She also complained about me being not sweet enough for her, and that she needed confirmation that I really liked her etc. We had 4 serious months of relationship when we had fight about starting to live together, which was caused by her bad living situation, she paid a lot of money and had a dirty moisture house with problems. When I said i needed to think about it first, she got angry and probably felt rejected.

After we had a big fight about it, she broke up from me. After a couple of days I started to miss her enormously and wrote her a letter that this break up made me see how much she meant to me and that I loved her told that fort he first time. She cried and we had 2 nice weeks, where I showed much more of my loving side, and she confirmed that she saw I changed in the way she wished for, but that she needed to adjust, because of the rapid change of my feelings for her. She was colder emotionally in this period.

After those 2 weeks she started another discussion over whats app i asked her like X no drama on whats app please, rather call that she felt lonely on the birtday of her grandfather she wanted me to be there. I responded that i could understand, but that we should have fun together before getting into family stuff again because I had a fight with her mother. The she said, ok then it stops and I don't come with you and your family to Austria for Christmas then.

I was pretty hurt because I did all kind of sweet things in the past 2 weeks, and she started to demand all kind off stuff again. We had a week of no contact and i went alone to Austria. I called her with Christmas, but she reacted very cold and could only talk about stopping the relation. I even called her dad couple of days later, explaining could reach her emotionally anymore, but her father also reacted cold fort he first time!

With new years eve I did went to her place, and we had very good talk, and we slept together, but the days after she was much colder again, and the moment I complained about that, she broke up with me again. This time saying ice cold, that she wanted me to leave her alone. A knife in my heart. After this I started NC rule, for 3 weeks now. I do know the things I did wrong, and already apologized for it. I also know she emotionally blackmailed me, and I let it happen.

I don't know if I can handle the no-apologise, but I do want to talk to her. There's something you have to understand if you want things to ever work out between you guys. A person like this comes with a lot of emotional and mental baggage, whether she admits it or not.

Based on your story, this is quite evident, because most of the time, a person who has been abused growing up has a tendency of over reliance when they find a partner because of the comfort and positivity it brings to their life. For your ex's case, she can probably only see things from her point of view and what she feels at the moment, so you shouldn't be expecting an apology. The case of where she breaks up with you whenever she doesn't have her way is a sign of conditioning, because she's been subconsciously conditioned since the first time that by breaking up, she eventually gets her way - but the process is definitely exhausting because at that moment, she may genuinely feel like she wants to break up and may treat you coldly.

You're going to need a lot of patience with her, and even consider suggesting therapy if her issues do not get better. For the time being, I would suggest talking to her if you still feel strongly for her once NC ends, and slowly try to work things out again.

Thank you very much for your reply. Should I send the elephant in de the room letter after NC? I did try to show her her actions to me are based on fear, but she denies and blames me for everything. How do I make her clear that her fears destroyed our relationship, without getting another fight? Yes you could send the letter if you want.

And to be honest, the best way to bring this topic up is only when you've gotten her back, and she's in a positive frame of mind. During that period, at least she may be more receptive to change then as opposed to now.

It was 30 days now since last contact and i was about to send her the elephant letter. For the first time in those 30 days i decided to check her Facebook. My stomach turned when I read she did a status update about 10 days ago that she is in relation with a new guy. So half of januari i was in her bed the last time and month later she declares a new relationship on Facebook to the whole world. It is very obvious she jumped into a new relation almost immediatly and delibarately posted it on Facebook so freakin fast hoping that ill read iT she didnt posted so fast stuff about our relationship at the time on Facebook and never a relationship update, she is not very active on Facebook btw.

This sets me back in mental strongness and i probably should not send the letter now, since iT hurts like hell, i did read about the all the rebound stuff on this website. Do you agree that this is an obvoious rebound action and posting iT on Facebook is her way to try to hurt me? How long should i wait now? It definitely sounds like a rebound relationship.

Unfortunately, in this scenario, your only choice if you want her back is to wait it out until the relationship ends. I don't recommend you simply wait around and hope that it one day ends, but rather focus on yourself, and even consider moving on for the time being, and should an opportunity present itself in the future, based on how you feel, you could consider taking it up.

Our relationship is from last 8 years but from last 2 years we always fight for some reasons where i acepted myself now as my fault, the time we are in relation i didnt realize that i am doing wrong to her as i didnt want she talks always with her friends male.

Which she caught and breakup with me finally.. So i dont want that she leaves me because i want to be with her till my end I feel sorry and realize what i have done from last years but this makes me too late as she told to move on..

I am afarid to loose her. Apply No Contact and give her some space to let go of her negative emotions relating to the breakup, and spend that time working to improve yourself before you contact her again. I was wondering, how should texting behavior be after first and second date after NC and after elephant in the room text?

The second time she brought up some stuff about the breakup, which surprised me. She said both her parents told her that she was stupid. Again, this came out of the blue and i was very surprised. On multiple occasions it felt as if she was trying to get me to say something, again, i may be overthinking. Again, i may be overthinking.

At the end of the night, i dropped her off and just said goodbye no hug, no kiss, no handshake. As i was walking to my car she stopped me and walked over to me and hugged me and said happy valentines day thank you for tonight i had a lot of fun. I guess ultimately i am asking if this sounds like im pretty close?

It sounds like things are going well, and she's even ready to talk about the issues regarding the breakup. Regardless, you should keep things casual and continue to build up on connection if you're worried about facing rejection from her. You don't have to ask her immediately to get back together but drop hints of flirting, without seeming too pushy, and observe how she responds to you. There has been a development. She seems to answer my texts and calls if I initiate.

Also seems willing to hang out. However, she never initiates texting at all. She did after the elephant in the room text, then all of a sudden she stopped initiating. She is active on social media however. You could always continue initiating since she's been responding positively. Maybe she's used to the idea of you texting or calling first, resulting in her lack of initiation. Well, it's best to come across as being friendly but casual. If she does not initiate texts or calls, perhaps wait a couple of days before initiating again.

You might need to build her comfort level further before she starts to do this on her own accord. We have been hanging out more frequently and it has been going fairly well.

However, a few nights ago she invited me to her place after having dinner, it was the first time she had invited me back to her place since our relationship started going in the shitter months ago. Anyway, after dinner, we bought some drinks and some pot.

We smoked and got really high and then drank a few beers at her place while watching tv. She seemed a little pushy about me finishing my blunt. I expressed the concern of driving home high and drunk and hinted at NOT wanting to stay over since im not trying to rush any feelings or emotions or any physical contact. She expressed it was still early and not to worry about it, like I said she seemed pushy about it. So i smoked the whole thing and drank some more and she came out in some somwhat revealing sleeping clothes or pjs.

She told me to stop a couple times until she gave in. The entire night we kissed as i felt her up and from time to time she would tell me to stop and other times she would kiss me.

After the high and the alcohol passed, and i came to my senses, i pulled away and took a nap for about an hour or two but i kept getting woken up by her cuddling me and holding my hand and resting on my shoulder and then woke up to her pulling me on top of her so i could sleep more comfortably while she caressed me. After this i woke up feeling normal again and i said i was leaving and she it was ok and we just hugged goodbye and that was that.

Everyone has needs from time to time. This could have been her way of expressing that, although mixed with uncertainty at the situation. If you'd like, you could have a talk with her to address the issue of where this is headed and how she feels, before deciding on your next course of action.

Alternatively, you could continue to maintain contact with her and work on building up the bond and comfort between the both of you. Our break up was painful, and the fact that it could happen again is scary. Although I am positive it would be a better relationship this time. No contact and your site and articles overall have helped me immensely.

At the moment we are friends. Since that experience, she has called me more often. She also initiates texting more often. Although it's best if the initiative could come from her, but sometimes if she's playing hot and cold, it might be better for you to take charge of the situation instead of sitting around wondering what her intentions could be.

You could ask her out sometime soon in a casual date-like manner and see how things go from there. So, me and my ex gf broke up a couple weeks ago january 23rd. I'm currently doing NC, planning on sending her the "elephant on the room" message in around 1 month like march 10th. Is there a way to have you look at it first Ryan? Should I let her know I had an interview in her country last week?

Perhaps you could let her know when you are actually talking to her again. Including the interview may feel a little negative missed opportunities for starting out.

I made first mistake to texted her again and again. We spend hours daily in uni and talk all night,But now we did't talk. I asked her to talk to clear misunderstanding but she said i don't want to talk and went. I saw her daily and totally upset. You could wish her when her birthday arrives, but if she is still upset and does not want to talk to you, do not push her for a conversation after that and continue giving her more space. Hi, my ex girlfriend and I were together for over 6 months, we both realised we felt something special, anyway, I know she's confused and not herself, she used lots of excuses none of them a reason to break up as it is easily fixed by us working on it together and communicating more, on the phone, i asked is this us breaking up?

She said like in a confused manor I suppose so.. I know she wasn't sure as she wasn't being her usual self. I suggested having a few days to think and see how it goes, 5 days went and I messaged asking if she was ready to talk and had enough time to think, she suddenly changed and became rude and blunt, not herself and saying she doesn't need to talk, she doesn't feel the same said that before aswell and can't rekindle the same feelings, so we are meeting tomorrow to exchange bits we have, we have had no contact for a few days since, if we have any it'll only be about time to meet and I'm wondering what do I say?

I want to get her back and I know for a fact that she loves me as she said she still loves me, how do I go about saying about the no contact for like 30 days?

She hasn't blocked my number, but has blocked me on social media which is good as no contact will work then, but I want to tell her or not tell her in a way that will not ruin any chance of us getting back together permanently. We both said and realise at the start that the way we felt was different and more intense than other relationships, felt calm and excited with eachother and it was special, there was a feeling and connection not felt before..

But we didn't even get a try or chance, it's like she jumped the gun and this is a rash decision, she is very stubborn by nature. I want to give us a chance as I see a future and so does she as we spoke about it. You don't have to announce to her that you're applying no contact, but rather, just apply it on your own. The whole point of it is to give both parties space and for you to work on any issues you think can be improved. You have to give her the space to let go of any negative emotions or fears she may have, in order to start on a fresh page again.

I am writing this confused and worried. My gf broke up with me but not by normal methods of breaking up, she kind of done it over the phone with me without ever saying it then I suggested we have some time no contact and then see how it goes, she agreed, then after 5 days I messaged asking how she was and she has had enough time to think and if she was ready to talk..

She got quite harsh and rude in the texts.. I know I want to get her back but I don't want to tell her I still love her as that will not go well..

Well, she could have been nice over the phone because she was afraid of hurting your feelings directly back then, but messaging makes it easier to remain distant from the entire situation. I suggest telling her when you meet up that you acknowledge your shortcomings back in the relationship and you'll be working to improve yourself.

You could also bring up the idea of remaining friends, so that once you've worked on yourself, can build a new bond and try to win her back again. Remember not to come across as pushy or pressure her into anything she doesn't want to, at even if she responds negatively, just treat it as taking a few steps backwards.

You can still turn it around. I feel I need a serious support from you. We're having a wonderful relationship my girlfriend for last six years with high intimacy and enjoyed sex whenever possible. I'm having a wonderful family with two kids and she also got her family with kids. But due to some doubts on me, she broke with me two to three times. But I'm able to manage her back to normal life.

She is working in my company. I brought her to my company only after we started of our relationship. She is very capable and doing her job very successfully. We are able to spend a lot of time together. First, we broke because of her doubt on me with another lady.

But it was a very fair relationship and I was almost like a mentor for her and she helped me in some financial troubles. I kept it hidden not to worry her for a long time and she caught us over phone red-handed. That was a very serious and she resigned.

But I beg pardon and I explained everything she forgave me. But so suspicious on every relationship even with my relatives. It happened once more when I kept hidden something not to worry her and broke again.

Again managed to get her back but She asked me to cut all suspicious relationships and I accepted. I'm so sincere to her till this moment and never thought about any other dating relationship even before I met or after we fell in love. She is the second lady with whom I had the physical relationship in my life after my wife.

I was keeping some financial or company things hidden only because not to make her sad on that. But on many occasions when she comes to know about it she will burst out and will become so violent and try to break from me and the relationship.

I had given oath many times to her that I won't lie or hide anything from her. But on many occasions due to fear of losing her, I kept hidden and lied many times to her. In last December one such thing happened and finally, she left me. We were had a lot of discussions apologies, but nothing worked out. She is not happy if care here more and if showed much affection. But she is very normal to me now. But I'm undergoing a very stressful period and she is my first love. I'm 50 now and all my motivation is surrounding her and I want to get her back permanently.

But I fear, she had few earlier relationship which also broke but she never goes back to that what may happen. She is a person like, once broken is broken and she will never get back to it. What may happen I want her back. I'm ready to answer any of your questions. I need her back. Her husband is not at all supporting her for her living and abuses her very much. He continues to do it from her marriage days itself.

Iamges: my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else

my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else

As I mentioned earlier, these mistakes are a direct result of you going through grief and acting on your instincts. By now, you are a better version of yourself. The thought of me is very unpleasant for her.

my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else

But what you might not have known is that the woman you were dating probably started out in the relationship by idealizing you. Now I wondering if I start NC that I can healed up and eventually become a guy who she could re-attract her, or is it too late.

my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else

NC can have that effect on your ex. She said she is a very emotional being and I cannot understand that she cannot do my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else and she cannot marry me. A place where it rains 11 months of the year? Those behaviors that you experienced in your relationship are the same behaviors individuals with borderline personality disorder engage in when they are in a romantic relationship. We would often never leave my pick up truck and miss the activity we were going to do just because we could not stop kissing. During that period she tried to irritate me and get a reaction dating sites peoria il of me by constantly complaining and doing little annoying things, but I continued to my ex girlfriend is already dating someone else her. That means you should do no contact at least until you have stopped panicking, regained your composure and figured out how to defeat the little devils Stage 2.