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Medellin has all types of women, so finding yourself a woman with the qualities you like is possible. So, you have joined the Buzz50 Dating site,uploaded a few dating photos, completed your dating profile and sent a few dating messages. I will bring it up if she asks again. It still ended in divorce.

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You still loved her on the first date, but it took time to mature into something greater. Great comments Jenny and yes, being able to search for your dating partner by age range is a great thing. Great article and many great and insightful responses. I found Plenty Of Fish to be quite good but you are bombarded with adverts, some of which are for very tasteless dating sites! Hollywood Hoop Dreams 10 classic basketball movies that score big. According to a survey by wedding consulting agency, men consider a physical relation as a catalyst of love, otherwise, women regard it as a confirmation of affection. All you need is a valid email and a password, then you can browse through hundreds of local granny slappers.

The ideal is a unision of what is good in Western culture a society that protects females as equals with what is good in Eastern faith in the universe that you will be cared for, and being locked in a community that chooses for you. Pre-marital relations happened in Asia, even before Western influence.

Parents are human, they are adults like any other, and adults can be and often are wrong. Women should be treated as equals in decision making. That was not the case in traditional Asian culture— although variations exist from family to family with the mother-in-law holding a surprising amount of power. There is no denying that western culture is more individualistic than traditional asian culture.

The ideal for asian culture was having all three generations of your family living under one roof. If we want to preserve marriage as an institution—and I submit that we MUST preserve marriage if we are to survive as a society—then we have got to stop feeding our children these lies.

I suppose Rose would be good buddies with both her former husband and the guy who gave his life to ensure hers would be saved. You are, of course, entitled to believe as you will. I have a distinctly different understanding of that scripture and believe that the family is an eternal institution. I find it a bleak and useless heaven that would rend from me the affection of my wife and my children.

I think you might find this of value. Heaven is that family love perpetuated forever, in family groups. I think that Romeo and Juliette is a little more complicated than that! Explained further by John Green. Maybe now after suffering we can call it love. However would have been nice if it was love at infatuation phase. Hey man, we cheated on Hashem almost immediately after we got married to Him. Seems like we had a lot of learning about love to do. The Chabad Rebbe actually gave a brilliant talk exactly about that, and you just helped me understand it a little better.

So Purim is when the real love started! While having some feeling for someone is a must to get serious with that person, we should keep the full picture in mind. As a young single man who had been infatuated in the past, this is simultaneously disheartening and inspiring. Infatuation is NOT a very necessary precursor. That is part of the myth.

Yes, you should be attracted to the person, and yes, you should want to spend time with them, and feel lucky they like you back! All those things are good things. Perhaps infatuation is the wrong word to use, because it connotes a foolish attraction. Eh, but some go into marriage fully aware of what they are doing, and deeply in love — true love.

Lets talk about all of your failed relationships, as well as your poorness, and less-creativeness? If I ever have kids, I will help them to understand the difference as well. Even the feelings of love or trust that we gain or lose as we become closer or further away from our partner.

You know nothing about chemistry or biology, or love or psychology. As a single guy who is engaged for the first time at 36, I have recently had a major paradigm shift-that infatuation or strong emotion is actually not necessary for a successful marriage.

Two weeks ago I did not believe that. But my girl-picker has been messed up for my whole life because I lived in an abusive home growing up. That changes things, bigtime. And they were—for the most part—good and kind people, with good jobs, great families.

I truly hope your marriage works out for you. My ex-husband was a very nice man, very smart and motivated, and had a loving family with no drama… all the things I thought I wanted. If they are committed to it.

I think a lot of you are confusing marriage with friends-who-accidentally-made-a-baby-together or something. Or an arranged marriage. You know, the kind that tended to be based more in traditional norms and religion than two people actually being right for each other.

Which seems to be exactly what this whole article is subtly yearning or advocating for a return to…. Hannah-I got the line you quoted exclusively from people who have been happily married for over 20 years. Snore-fest, it turns out, is exactly what makes a marriage work. No, precisely the opposite. My ex-husband used to tell me what Eric seems to be saying here: Not because I was special — he could have married someone else, I was just the one who met sufficient criteria at the right time.

There are many, many examples of exactly what you are talking about, the most often in arranged marriages or people who marry for convenience or social reasons — many fall in love AFTER they are married as they learn to take care of each other and work on the marriage.

People get married all the time madly in love and fall out of love. The lucky ones learn how to become good marriage partners and then find the passion returns. Yeah lets go back to forcibly marrying 13 year old girls off to something year old men, that sounds like a great idea. Who said that arranged marriage must involve underage kids or huge age disparities? I know even more who were made pregnant by other kids.

You may want to read my short testimony as to how that actually works out in real life. As one human being to another, I would advise you to be very careful with this theory.

Morgan, I read your story… it resonates with my own, and my heart hurts for you. I am 13 years in, and really wondering if I can keep going. Do you have any advice? This is my one and only shot at life… I gotta say, I am beginning to panic. Has your perseverance paid off in some way? What is it that drives you and sustains you? Communication is so important even when the other person does not want to listen.

I wish people would understand that, if love isnt a prerequisite for marriage, then surely marriage itself isnt a prerequisite for a long term relationship. If youre not in love, why get married? Why get married at all, except to permanently deprive yourself and your significant other of someone else who might love them more?

In the non-Jewish world, you go to a bar, you see someone you like, you ask em out, you get physical with each other, you get attached to them. As soon as the craziness dies down, you break up. In the orthodox Jewish world, dating is like buying a car. First, you figure out who you are and what you need.

Do i even need a car, maybe i could bike or take the bus? What kind of car fits my lifestyle? Now that i narrowed it down to a minivan, whats my price range? Which features do i want vs which are necessary for me? Which company has the best reviews? Once I know the kind of car I need, only then do I go to the car dealership and take it out on a test drive.

The shidduch system in its ideal form works the same way. First you have to figure out who you are. Then you figure out what you need.

Then you do the research on a person. This potential relationship is already based on something very strong before you even meet the person. A marriage whose foundation is based on love is weak. Do you always love someone? A marriage based on an emotional foundation is by its very nature weak. However, a marriage based on an intellectual rational decision is much stronger.

Instead of marrying for love, your marry for marriage and then you create the love that your relationship needs. This is why as a Muslim, I love Orthodox Jews. However, the sacred sources do point to general principles, such being rational in the choice of spouse, consulting others, and keeping away from sexual interaction prior to marriage and things that could lead into that. The application of those principles may be different in different cases, but among the Muslims that I know, a system similar to that of the shidduch is common.

The point still stands — a common way Muslims get married is similar to the common way Orthodox Jews get married. We also have very similar rules on purification, food, personal relations, communal responsibilities, etc. In fact, juristic principles when it comes to the Sacred Law are almost identical as well. And kudos to helping show the similarities between our ways of looking at the world. Thanks for the welcome. I took two years to get to know her. It still ended in divorce. There is far more to it than that.

Religious orientation has nothing to do with it. Two people who go in knowing that life is not for sissies and that they will be there for the other. We are friends today, but relationship is over. Plenty of folks not in more traditional communities do something similar to what you describe, just…we go about it a little differently. I had a strong idea in my mind of what I wanted in a partner: Not everyone is so lucky.

Our version of love includes physical attraction, but otherwise is more or less what you describe: A secular humanist feminist liberal New Yorker! I also want to clarify after reading your latest comments: Not so much about the idea of whether or not we should be infatuated before marriage, but that that love is ALL there is to it. Before you say love is weak when a marriage is based on it, you need to define love.

True love, or the mixture of all 4 kinds of greek love with emphasis on agape love, then yes. Marriage is strongest then. People are not commodities. Otherwise, people would not love their children as much as they do. All I was trying to say, was that with such a life changing decision, you should be using your rational brain, and not your irrational emotions.

There are obviously quite a few factors required for a happy successful marriage, but marrying the person who is right for you is the biggest and most important. They try not to let physical distractions get in the way of making a solid well-thought out decision. Before they start looking at other people, they look at themselves first and find out not who they want, but rather who they need.

Ok, so in sum- everyone would be happily married if they realized they have to show love by giving to the other person? I can agree that as a marriage progresses, the relationship changes and hopefully deepens.

Learning to give to someone and put their needs above yours is a lifelong process, one that takes constant work and vigilance. Plenty of marriages do the exact opposite. It needs to be cared for like a living thing. Just as you described…you found that the love language with you and your wife is giving. Every relationship finds their love language to keep that chemistry, and to keep that dream. IF we have the patience to let it develop. Yes, once that rush is over comes the Grind.

Or the order in which they wash dishes. Congrats on getting there. The gushy feelings at the beginning can be attributed mostly to dopamine. Many drugs cause a surge of dopamine, which is why many people abuse drugs. Oxytocin is a hormone released during intimacy.

Breast feeding, hugging, kissing, sexual stimulation, etc. Beautiful article, and honest. We can easily mistake its intesity for love. When we were younger, we see life and love through inexperienced lenses. As we grow older, we understand love is so much more than fiery exciting or even passionate emotions. Oh wow, this is beautiful! Oh, and Happy New Year. First of all, it is so refreshing to hear this in a very real, human way.

I know this is standard Jewish philosophy, but I just kind of am sick of hearing it from other places. Secondly, I could it be that this is the same in our relationship with Hashem? Specifically, falling in love with Yiddishkeit? Man says he didn't love his wife when they got married. And I also agree about it being a perfect metaphor for our relationship with G-d. Hasidic Jews believe the world is essentially one big metaphor, and each reality in the physical world can help us understand our spiritual lives.

And one of the best analogies for our relationship with G-d is our relationship with our spouses. I also want to say it makes me so happy to see how this post has brought out such positive connections between Jews, Christians, and Muslims.

This is seriously one of my dreams come true for this blog. So thank you again for sharing your thoughts and the fact that others in your community enjoy the post as well. Is it not sufficient in regard to your Lord that He is a Witness over all things?

This has lead Muslims to adopt the same principle: In the same way, Muslims use other points in life as signs. In fact, my favorite Muslim scholars are those who can look at anything and extract a religiously beneficial lesson from it. Kings have locked their doors and each lover is alone with his love. Our religions are so similar and have many common beliefs at the core. Hopefully one day we can all get along as well as we used to! We also have a core belief that the whole world will one day see God as the truth, and we also see marriage as a practical parable for our relationship with God.

When It's Impossible Pop Chassid. Absolutely Loved reading this. I must admit I fall in love with my husband more with each passing day! I whole-heartedly disagree, love is fruition, like fruit its sought and attained and it grows.. I had responded to this earlier with a much more thorough response… but somehow it is not here..

In my opinion, any love story can become a fairy tale story depending on how you treat it. Every fairy tale love story has a struggle, involves sacrifice, involves making a decision. You missed a huge opportunity to have an experience of true love with the last 20 dollars in the bank account situation. That was there for you to capitalize on and make her see you as a super hero. You could have done a fun cheap date idea, made her something or any number of different ideas. In stead of doing nothing I acted.

One day at school I stopped in the book store and bought some yarn for about 50 cents, watched a you tube video on how to make cool string bracelets, and gave her them that night.

Its still on her wrist even years later and even though she has other, much nicer jewelry now, she still loves that one well whats left of the thing haha the most. As you commit to her and your self to do that, it will amaze you how much love you will find. Divorce is because people love them selves more than others around them.

Selfishness and laziness causes divorce. If you forget yourself there is very little that can end a marriage if both people act in true charity for one another. So, I respectfully say that you really need to rewatch some Disney movies and look at how hard they tried to get to the fairy tale ending.

Just making a point. I totally agree with this! The examples you gave are examples of giving, examples of doing something for the other person and not just doing things for ourselves. It looks like you did the same thing. If you grow apart, if one of the pair feels trapped, then no amount of charity will bring the two back together in fact, it could make one even more resentful of the other.

This is why no one should get married without seriously considering the consequences, sacrifices, and pros and cons of marriage. They were pregnant and wanted to do the right thing by their daughter. We met just over a year after she left him, and we have been married for 2 years now. We dated for about 6 months before we got engaged, and waiting another 9 months before we got married. We knew we were sure and we knew we were making a commitment that there was no backing out of.

Love is certainly misconstrued. Thanks for your insight. Check my blog out when you have a chance. Adventures of Curly Sue Infatuation is a lovely, fun thing. It burns out fast, like tinder. That was the point of the last paragraph. It might have struck a chord with you based on your personal experiences which is quite a normal response. Respectfully, your response kind of exudes the sort of smug self-satisfaction that I found a bit off-putting at the end of the article.

Plenty of other people were already praising the article for the same reasons I would have. I responded to your response because I did not agree with your opinion with about the author. You stated negative assumptions about his character based on what you perceived to be the point of the last paragraph and I simply reiterated what he wrote in an attempt to expose the originally stated point. Furthermore, since I do not know you I would be amiss to assume anything specific to your personal experience.

To explain this generalization further, I believe that we are shaped by our environment and that in turn alters our perception of the world. Hence your reaction to the end of the article, which was contrary to what the author actually stated. Still, I am open to understanding that you do not uphold the same belief.

Please rest assured that I do not know you and this is not a personal attack per se. It is also not an attempt to debase, belittle or patronize you. Just an open sharing of opinions. I am sure that there will be some who agree with you and others me, that is the beauty of humanity. I hope that we can both learn and become even better individuals from this discourse.

I wholeheartedly agree with this take except for two points. One is in the instance where you give of yourself fully and completely and there is no reciprocation. Should it be enough for someone to feel love in return for your giving but not give in return? Also, this article minimizes the fact that there is also a WHY you would want to give love to someone in the way the author describes.

That comes from that burning desire he so readily dismisses. You have to have some passion for a person to want to give of yourself selflessly to them, right? I have a vision where Jews, Christians and Muslims come together to help promote such values in a society that is transgressing on its morals and values. Whether this be by an academic institution or by the media, we need to create more art that represent these values.

As a Muslim I find this article superb as this goes exactly in line with my philosophy. Love constantly grows, as the two go through each phase of marriage if you marry early, especially.

This is why research shows that a marriage that had no sort of physical intimacy has a much higher chance of standing through the tests of marriage than ones that do not.

I hope that such profound and true beliefs find itself in the mainstream world soon before we hit a crisis. This is so very true. My husband and I have been married almost 29 years. After reading this article, it really gave us perspective. We were married within 2 months of dating dumb, I know , but we both thought we knew what we wanted the ideal list. The only problem is life happens and the fire does go out.

Thank you for sharing this. We are working on finding a new love, one of mutual prespect. Not dumb at all. You had faith in your love for one another.

You went with it. Inspiration What's up WordPress. I love my wife in more and better ways every day, so I believe you. I feel that more and more people are living together before marriage, having long engagements. My husband and I found love in our little, normal life long before we got married.

Just wanted to rep the living-together-before-the-wedding folks! And by the way, I think that applies to things beyond romantic relationships as well. Such as friendships, leadership, etc. I agree with this article in some ways, but disagree in others.

Yes, sometimes people do lose that feeling fire after marriage, and yes, sometimes that fire is nothing more than an emotion, but love is different for every single person on this earth. There are two types of love: Compassionate love is the love he describes above; Deeper understanding and appreciation for one another. Passionate love is the love we all feel in the beginning, that fire that burns and burns and makes us feel alive.

Some people lose that passionate love after marriage or even before when they start to become comfortable around their significant other. However, there are people who never love any differently, even after 5, 10, 20 years of marriage. I have been with my Fiance for 6 years this November, to me that is pretty long. I felt that fire in my heart the day i saw him, the first time he kissed me, first time he held my hand, and so on.

And even though the fire died down after the first few years…its still there. Smoldering slowly deep within my soul. Sometimes it ignites when he kisses me, when he grabs my hand, and when he looks at me and without saying a word tells me he loves me.

If that fire is still there after 6 years of being in a relationship, i have no reason to assume that it will suddenly end when we are married. Every marriage, relationship, every person on this earth loves, feels, and perceives things differently. My fiance and I are undoubtedly in a passionate relationship. Maybe along the way, down the road, that passion will die down and turn into compassionate love. But that fire, the one that started the moment we locked eyes on our first date, that fire will still me smoldering in the depths of our hearts.

My husband and I began dating when I was 17 and he was 19, and we dated for five years before we were married just five weeks ago! We said that we loved each other after one week of dating all those years ago.

A part of me understood that my loving him was a commitment. We went through many struggles as a couple, from being thousands of miles apart to the death of a parent, and I remember during the struggle even as a high school student making the choice to stay with him, to support him and love him, even though doing so made my life more difficult, more complicated, because of that decision.

I knew that the sacrifice I made was worth it because, well, loving another person is always worth the struggle. We made many mistakes and have had our share of issues, but I am confident that when we married just one month ago, we loved each other more than we ever thought was possible. Our love has deepened tremendously and our love has certainly been made more perfect since we first said it as teenagers. We are still learning to love each other more perfectly through self sacrifice and the struggle.

But I am convinced after all these years that love is a decision, and the fruits of the decision is tenderness, sweetness, and everything beautiful that there is in this world. You still loved her on the first date, but it took time to mature into something greater.

She gave you the chance to love her, and you did. That is to be celebrated. Women can usually tell when a man is sincere. Your actions, helping around the house, were evidence of your sincerity which is why they had such an impact.

I can come across as overly sincere, so I have to pad out my words with actions and honest to God effort. We need more articles like this.

Is what we think we know about love true then? Will it be possible for me to reblog this content on my blog?? I will credit your name and URL, please!!! Thanks for this blog I like the title that was a good hook and the superb content. Its funny though we may go through different religious paths and God will judge between us people but every individual in your life teaches you something.

Sadly many of us suffer not knowing what the problem is and are unable to help ourselves or others. I seriously hope men and women and of course myself start to really believe this and apply it in our lives. I shall be keeping your article for future references.

Realizing the fact that I am not going to be with her just gives me heart attack — I now realize how truly I love her — I can now define love not in words but how I feel. I am not a big fan of sharing my emotions, in fact this is my very first time I am writing something so personal on a public forum.

I have tried whatever I can to contact her to express my emotions but all in vain — I guess sometimes you get to value things after you have lost them and just live with it.

Therefore infatuation is not an affliction or curse that you have to ignore, not responding to that primal desire IS the affliction, fear is the affliction. I may have differing views that many of you. I may think that humans are just another species of bags of blood and bones that , much like rabbits and dolphins, reproduce for pleasure and not for purpose. In my opinion, if you are ignoring this rare genetic gift, you are denying yourself something wonderful.

What I am saying, and this may hurt some of you non-secular types out there, is that sex with someone you are infatuated with will ALWAYS be more meaningful. I am studying to be stock market analyst, and I find it sad to say that what I read in my textbooks uncannily represents what some of you have written about here, I find it sad that people treat marriage as a stock.

What I am trying to say is that as humans, we are subject to emotions, urges and drives. Yes, they are chemical please do not fail to notice the irony with which I say this but they drive us as whole, as a civilization. The fact that its set in a time when 13 year olds and 17 year olds were falling in love is simply coincidental because 16th century England was accustomed to this, in modern times it could be interpreted as something completely different, yet with similar values.

Should this be banned too? Anyway, Im sure I have ignited many fires out there, and people are itching to bestow me with knowledge which I somehow chose to ignore, so please give me constructive criticism and lets discuss this like people as opposed to enemies.

Great article and many great and insightful responses. I have been married for 22 years. My wife is my very best friend and business partner. I, too, was not in love with her when we married. I liked her a lot and I enjoyed spending time with her, but the love evolved and continues to do so. While I agree that part of love is giving, there is so much more to it and it is much more than a verb. In other words, you have to pay your dues. This means surviving the good and the bad.

Love is managing expectations. Love is being completed by and completing the other person in the relationship. And, contrary to popular belief, love never goes away, it only grows. I can say confidently, that I love my wife with all my heart.

I love everything about her even the things that frustrate the hell out of me. And, I love her more today, than I did yesterday and I know I will love her tomorrow more than I do today. But, it is a process. It is a commitment. But most of all, it is friendship in its true unadulterated form.

I would rather spend time with my wife than anyone else on the planet and it is because our friendship is so strong that we really enjoy being around one another and that, in my humble opinion, defines love. Sensitive and honest writing……. While I partially agree to the point you are making. I also want to say that perhaps the number 1 factor that made it possible for you today to write this story is: You got lucky and if we take that story and swap in different people in our society I would bet the majority would come to some horrible ends.

Lazy and undisciplined individuals are as likely to fall in love as energetic and dedicated ones. Once the precious moment of falling in love has passed and the boundaries have snapped back into place, the individual may be disillusioned, but is usually non the larger for the experience. When limits are extended or stretched, however, they tend to stay stretched. Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not. John Mayer expresses this sentiment in his song Love Is a Verb http: The perfect lover would be God, Agape Love.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Not everybody gets that. Of cousr we are all subject to the lies of Hollywood, but this is one of the most universal and deadly in terms of relationships ones.

Their definition of love will not last in the daily grind. Here I am 35 years married and in love more now than ever. God is love — and that love takes the form of giving everything you could and getting nothing in return. But posts like these help to keep the love glowing!!!

I do think you made a mistake that most young couples do. Rush into things and get married when neither is ready of know what real love is. In your case it turned out well in the end but in a lot of cases it ends in divorce.

Romantic love is real, but it does not endure. What a wonderful and honest look at your relationship. Thanx so much for sharing it. How beautiful a marriage we have today because we continue to serve each other and Do love as a verb instead of trying to maintain an emotional high. It was your job to begin with and you are just pulling your weight as a resident of your household and parent to your child. It is unfortunate you ever shlepped that work to your wife in the first place.

I was talking about extra moments when I was busy, or went above and beyond at a moment she really needed it. It just seems like a really weird thing to say. I agree that love is a continuing dance that must be conscientiously affirmed between two people.

My high school theology teacher used to tell us: Love takes over when feelings fail. You love where you give! But receiving can be giving to; I accept your gift and thereby give you pleasure. Moreover, the number of verses comprising The Ten Commandments is thirteen. This article has much merit, but omits much. Forgive me, but I must tell you the following, and perhaps you all can provide some insight- I went into a marriage with the wisdom of the article in view. We were in a religious environment, and the mentality was very similar to what the author was describing.

But I was unsure. When I asked for some help with all of that, the prevailing counsel I got was entirely in line with this article- that my interpretation of love was shallow and not real. So I married anyway. We have had a fairly good life for over twenty years. But I can tell you this: I die inside a little each day wishing I could feel those things for my wife. We have respect and friendship, and almost everything else.

And she has all of that kind of love for me. But to this day I feel incomplete and struggle deeply with regret. The posts by Jenna down below have it right. Take my word for it: Morgan, thank you for sharing. The word Love is very vague, but I believe Love is very big, encompassing many things if not everything. A lifelong friend vs. It would be ideal to have them one and the same but most are not so lucky in life.

There are no easy answers. Choua that is a very kind hearted response. I agree with what you say, I can only caution that dealing with something like this on a daily basis is quite tiring. Life is hard either way, but I struggle with the fact that I made it harder on myself by this choice. This is an error that religious rigidity compounds, and has for ages.

God made us flesh and blood, and we need to at least respect that decision on his part enough to not pretend we are anything more than that. Morgan, I created an account just to tell you that I relate so very much to your story. I was confused, and felt pressured to make a decision.

I am lucky, and yet I feel so empty. I have no biblical reason to leave my husband, but I cry myself to sleep over it sometimes, wishing desperately that one of us would die so that I could be free…. Everything you described is explained at length at pre-marriage counseling sessions. Many couples that go to these sessions end up not marrying at all. Every couple thinking of getting married should do it. So beautiful, I am reading this with tears starting up in my eyes.

Long term love and commitment is the best. This is a great post and hits the nail right on the head. I have also noticed the importance of serving my wife, and how much of a difference that makes in our marriage when I focus on her rather than myself. One thing however, that I picked up from your post relates to the idea of love languages. Everyone likes to give and receive love in different ways.

There is nothing wrong with this, and it shows that you were making an effort to show love. Once you discovered what her love language is, you were able to focus on that and see the results the look in her eyes.

In summary, it was awesome and commendable of you to do your best to show love early in your marriage — everyone should learn from that example. This website has more information on that idea.

Thank you — as someone who is young in life and still in their relationship, this advice is so helpful and guiding. It annoyed the shit out of me, for reasons I cannot wholly explain.

Below was my response. He writes it as if it is some kind of revelation in the twenty-first century, when poets, writers, and artists have been going at this for… forever. His letter gleams nothing except to reveal his ignorance about love, life, and, like every cheesy love movie out there, to appeal to what women want to hear. It sounds more like an attempt at some sort of justification for an unfulfilled life. Love at 16,19, 25, those feelings were just as real to that person in time as the love you have now is to you if not more.

But the truth is, the amount of emotions, the amount feelings, the amount of beauty, desires, and dreams that occupied that time and space, were just as potent and real. For some, it was more. Anyways, what most people think as love, is really just selfishness.

Think of the women in Blue Jasmine. No one wants to hold that kind of mirror to themselves. But it requires honesty and vulnerability. I think the closest thing to love humans have is the love for their kids. Even then, selfishness lurks nearby. I think there is, but this guy missed the point. However, when I love I do love with all of me…emotion and daily giving of myself to the one I love.

To me part of loving someone is to take care of them. When I see the man I love I smile. The sound of his voice makes me smile. I enjoy taking care of him. I feel the emotion. I do believe that love is a verb. I feel as if you would like it.

I have also seen some people end their relationship because they were chasing this type of passionate love. There is only a certain amount of passion you can feel until your body goes through withdrawal oxytoxin. My girlfriend and I are best friends, and love each others company. Solidarity the sunny-side up kitchen. Please, write in a proper format when trying to sound proper about the idea of love not existing.

Perhaps love brings pain in everyones life at some point and well, Disney helps us tune out and be engrossed in fiction just for that hour or so. I wonder if your ex-wife would like to see you splatter your non-love for her on the web. Honestly, this is sort of a.. It takes men a lot longer to catch on! You should NOT make such an important decision like marriage, without fully reviewing every aspect of your choice.

Love is part of the decision but should not be the only part. You do it because you think you have to, not because you want to. Your Life is the most important thing in your world no matter what the case is. Sure I can say oh, firefighter sounds cool, I should be that! Which brings me back to my main point that you should NOT choose to spend the rest of your life with someone until you KNOW they are the right person for you.

Patience Is A Virtue: We had a mutual attraction so naturally things progressed and of course there were jealousy issues mainly on my end , dishonesty, distrust, skepticism, guarded hearts, lack of commitment, etc etc etc..

Now tell me that another way is better?!? More importantly, 2 months is not nearly enough time to get to know someone well enough to decide to propose and spend the rest of your life with someone, not even 4 months, not a year….

More so, after a certain amount of time passes you feel more comfortable with your partner leaving you more vulnerable and letting your guard down… once your guard is completely down and you are completely open and honest with each other your partner has to let you in completely as well you will learn a lot more about your partner …. Because as he said, love is a verb, not a noun.

If you reached the end, Congrats and Thank You! Now that I finished the rant I wanted to end on a positive note I did comment on this but I feel it will get lost in the rant:. I used to think that major decisions in life like marriage should always be well thought out. That two people should first date, then live together and then if everything is going well, after few years, get married.

So although I agree with a lot of your points, I have something for you to consider…. What is right for you or me, might not be right for others. Sometimes those well- thought out decisions end in a miserable divorce and rushed marriages with a great success, because when it comes to love there is no definition or manual. You have to sort through a few options and figure out which one is right for you after careful consideration.

So the consideration put into who you should marry, should be a longggggggg time figuring out what is right for you…. If you and your partner are headed in different paths, have different goals for the future, different interests, wants and needs, etc etc.. Sure, you can ask your partner to be a director in NYC and your partner could ask you to work in L.

There are a lot of things that need to be considered and discussed before making the biggest decision of your life…. Most importantly, Marriage itself is a thought out plan in a list of things you want to accomplish. The institution of marriage is independence from your parents and their choices for you, and deciding to choose a partner to make decisions with about how you want your life to go.

But really, tell me why there is such a rush to get married? Lastly, I understand that there is not set definition or manual for love because every relationship is different.

But in your own relationship, you and your partner should be in total agreement of not just the definition of love, but what you expect from each other out of the relationship, what path you want to take, etc.

In situations like this one you have 2 options: For example, two people who are religious and not only share but live the same traditions. However, not everyone ends up acting the way they promised they would, no matter how long you were together before you got married. Marriage does sometimes change things. I am wondering how you can ever really know and avoid making a mistake. But enjoying all of the good advice in this thread. Selflessness is a huge part of love, and absolutely is a key to making a relationship last through the rough parts that will be inevitable especially in marriage when one of the biggest issues is money, which for some people is too hard to handle….

And I really do hope you and your husband can find a way to fix whatever problem you have… maybe there was too much pressure on you both at the time, but I have a feeling that you two will always love each other and will find a way back… Good luck! But love is an emotion.. It involves a readiness to sacrifice for the other person. Most women knew that. It could happen much sooner for those who are more predisposed to love and to make sacrifices for someone new.

Others need time before they could give themselves up. I alway wanted to explain it to those people who say love someone too son, and I will defintely shared it. Excellent thoughts for a Wednesday treana's transitions. I love the points that you made at the end when talking about the divorce rate, adultery, and how Disney, etc has made us think that love will always be there. It would save alot of marriages..

Jim and Pam are the most beautiful example of the love you are describing in your text. I may not agree, as I wholeheartedly agree that love is an emotion as well as many other things, including a verb. I feel love, I see love, I smell love, I taste love, and I touch love.

It is both physical and conceptual. When I look at my loved one, my heart swells and this serenity washes over me. I must take issue with your line about sharing the responsibility to watch over your daughter, as if that were some favour you were doing for your wife. Your daughter is your responsibility; participating in childcare is not a favour, not something extra that you volunteer to do when you want to show your wife you love her.

It is sexist drivel to phrase it and frame it as you have. You are aware this is a post about me realizing my own shortcomings, right?

Either way, though, every marriage is a balance of responsibility and time, and every couple must learn where to expend their energy in a healthy way. I told her to freeze her eggs.

Secular-style dating is rare in the Orthodox community in which Elefant lives. Overall, there are thousands of unmarried girls in their late twenties. For Orthodox Jewish women, as for Mormon ones, getting married and having children is more than a lifestyle choice. Marriage and motherhood are essentially spiritual obligations, which is why the Orthodox marriage crisis is so hotly debated and why it has earned its own moniker.

Shidduch is the Hebrew word for a marriage match, and Orthodox Jews including the more assimilated Modern Orthodox now refer to the excess supply of unmarried women in their communities as the Shidduch Crisis. Mormon and Orthodox Jewish leaders alike fear that their respective marriage crises reflect some failure to instill proper values in young people.

Perhaps young people are too self-absorbed? Maybe the men are just too picky? In fact, the root causes of both the Shidduch Crisis and the Mormon marriage crisis have little to do with culture or religion. The true culprit in both cases is demographics. The fact is that there are more marriage-age women than men both in the Orthodox Jewish community and in the Utah LDS church.

And just as I predicted, lopsided gender ratios affect conservative religious communities in much the same way they affect secular ones. At first glance, the state of Utah—60 percent Mormon and home of the LDS church—looks like the wrong place to study what I like to call the man deficit.

Like several other western states, Utah actually has more men than women. But lurking beneath the Census data is a demographic anomaly that makes Utah a textbook example of how shifting gender ratios alter behavior. The LDS church actually has one of the most lopsided gender ratios of any religion in the United States. One fact that becomes apparent when studying the demographics of religion is that it is almost always the women who are more devout. Across all faiths, women are less likely than men to leave organized religion.

According to the Pew Research Center, 67 percent of self-described atheists are men. Statistically speaking, an atheist meeting may be one of the best places for single women to meet available men. The Utah LDS church was in fact 52 percent female as recently as Since , however, the Mormon gender gap in Utah has widened dramatically—from a gender ratio of In other words, the LDS church in Utah now has three women for every two men. The sex ratio is especially lopsided among Mormon singles.

When Blake attends singles events for Mormons, she said there are often two women for every one man. As a result, Blake rarely meets suitable men in these settings and often winds up spending most of her time chatting with other women. The lopsided numbers encourage Mormon men to hold out for the perfect wife, Blake said. The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids.

As he ages, his dream never changes. The simple answer is that over the past twenty-five years, Utah men have been quitting the LDS church in unusually large numbers. Contrary to popular belief, the majority of Mormon men do not go on missions, which typically entail a mix of community service and proselytizing.

Mormon men are being asked to serve missions at precisely the time in their lives—late teens and early twenties—when sociologists say men are most susceptible to dropping out of organized religion. Cragun believed the dropout problem among men is the real reason why, in , the LDS church lowered the age at which Mormon men can start serving missions from 19 to Lowering the mission age seems to be having the intended effect: Between and , the number of Mormons serving missions increased from 58, a year to 83,, according to the LDS website.

If this trend continues, the lowered mission age should reduce the Mormon gender gap and ease the Mormon marriage crisis over time. There is ample evidence that Mormon men are delaying marriage. News articles on this topic tend to be filled with tales of Mormon women who want to marry but cannot find a good Mormon man.

The Salt Lake Tribune published an article in headline: LDS leader Richard Scott was quoted chastising young men to grow up: Get on with life and focus on getting married. The Tribune story cited a survey of Mormon college students in which men expressed a belief that age 30 is now the right age to get married.

The finding was unexpected, given that most Utah Mormons marry by their early twenties. When it came to dating, BYU men seemed paralyzed by indecision. Based on enrollment figures, BYU men should not be so picky. In , the gender ratio among BYU undergrads was actually With 17 percent more men than women on campus, it is the BYU women who should be the choosy ones.

Hannah Wheelwright helped unravel the mystery for me. A BYU grad, Wheelwright explained that it is common for BYU women to marry male classmates while still in school and that a material number of the newlywed women wind up dropping out of college. Consequently, the gender ratio among the single students at BYU more closely resembles the gender ratio of the freshman class than it does that of the overall student body.

Single BYU men are keenly aware of the lopsided numbers, said Wheelwright, who is a leader of Ordain Women, a feminist organization seeking the appointment of women to the LDS priesthood. As I said, premarital sex is still taboo for Mormons. Yet, just as Bowman suggested, the undersupply of men does seem to be loosening Mormon sexual mores. That is precisely what Mormon women now experience. A culture of plastic surgery has taken root among Mormon women.

According to a RealSelf study, Salt Lake City residents did more searches for breast implants on the RealSelf website than residents of any other city. In this cosmetic arms race, the big guns are Botox, liposuction, and breast augmentation.

Kimball Crofts, a Salt Lake City plastic surgeon. He speaks from experience. Mormon himself, Crofts did not marry till his forties. Crofts said his office has college-age women coming in for Botox injections.

The day I interviewed him, Crofts had just finished a consultation with an attractive woman in her twenties seeking a breast augmentation: Wheelwright believed allowing women a leadership role in the teaching of LDS gospel is important.

The lopsided gender ratios feed preexisting disillusionment among Mormon women by making their core duty—getting married—difficult, degrading, or even impossible. As with the Mormon marriage crisis, the Shidduch Crisis has become a source of enormous heartache for Orthodox Jews, especially older single women and their parents.

The Letters to the Editor section of The 5 Towns Jewish Times, a weekly newspaper for the Orthodox community in suburban New York, has become a receptacle for Shidduch Crisis—related angst and sadness. And believe me, sometimes it hurts to do just that—i.

The statistical explanation for why Orthodox men are in short supply is different from the one for the shortage of Mormon men. Orthodox men are not abandoning their faith in large numbers and leaving Orthodox women behind.

According to a recent Pew Research study, only 2 percent of Orthodox Jews are married to non-Jews, and the attrition rate from the Orthodox movement to the more mainstream Reform or Conservative branches of Judaism has actually been declining.

The imbalance in the Orthodox marriage market boils down to a demographic quirk: The Orthodox community has an extremely high birth rate, and a high birth rate means there will be more year-olds than year-olds, more year-olds than year-olds, and so on and so on. Couple the increasing number of children born every year with the traditional age gap at marriage—the typical marriage age for Orthodox Jews is 19 for women and 22 for men, according to Michael Salamon, a psychologist who works with the Orthodox community and wrote a book on the Shidduch Crisis—and you wind up with a marriage market with more year-old women than year-old men.

There is no U. Census data on religion. Based on his academic research, Comenetz contended that each one-year age cohort in the Orthodox community has 4 percent more members than the one preceding it. What this means is that for every year-old men in the Orthodox dating pool, there are year-old women—12 percent more women than men.

According to a article in the Jewish weekly Ami Magazine, there are now 3, unmarried Orthodox women between the ages of 25 and 40 in the New York City metro area and another over That is the Shidduch Crisis in a nutshell.

Unfortunately, relatively few Orthodox Jews realize that the Shidduch Crisis boils down to a math problem.

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