Online Dating Blog
Rank and serial number. I am afraid this is most likely a scam. Denial is a river in Africa LOL. Who knows what the cause is?
Interracial Dating Isn’t Really On The Rise
Mirror, I posted my profile on an online dating site. This piece was written by a man that explains the concept a bit, although the piece isn't geared towards online dating: I know you say genuinely interested men seek us out, but there must be a line somewhere, right, where the guy concludes that it's a no-go because apparenly we don't care? Anonymous, No contact is not discussed in this piece, so I'm not sure what you're referring to. One saying how beautiful he thot I was and one saying he hoped I would give him another chance cuz he 'really likes me'. Playing hard to get is an entirely different thing.
Is it ever easy to have someone you like simply drop off the face of the earth? But a full dating schedule definitely lessens the sting.
The reasons for stopped communication might simply be out of your control. I think your assessment is pretty good. In any case, we must not take this personally. Who knows what the cause is? She could have your best friend read her messages if she wants an outside perspective on what she says and how she says it. But really, as you say, in the modern dating world, a flowery email is not much of a committment from someone who is articulate. I like how you suggest a pleasant email.
I also like your caution about if he apologizes. People who send signals of ambivalence have conflicts. And we ignore those hints at our peril. Maybe he is really terrified of true intimacy or tends to feel over-responsible, and he feels safe with emails.
And he is beginning to realize he has to stop emailing or meet scary! Or what you suggested met someone closer, easier seems much more likely to me. My personal opinion is that he lost interest and most likely like Brad said, found someone closer and more accessible.
From personal experience, I know guys email various women on dating sites and often they have a couple that they really have their eyes on! So most likely he was also having email exchanges with other women that were closer to him and rather than continue emailing you, he just wanted to disappear. It seems like he was leading you on, which is selfish on his part. I would never lead a person on with long detailed emails just to knowingly disappear.
I suggest asking him why he stopped emailing you… and if he doesnt reply or gives you a nonchalant reply, move on because that definitely means hes not interested. Hes being careless about his effect on you, provided that he came off as interested just to disappear. And for whatever reason he dropped off, while receiving a polite explanation might feel more desirable, in reality many of us just find that becomes an opportunity for someone to reply back with an argument… or worse!
Much better and safer to usually just let things come to a quiet end. Okay, well how long should one wait before email cut off is affirmative and focus should be put elsewhere? While 24 hours later I sent her another email. It has been over 48 hours and I still have not heard back. Should I wait another day to send an email and how long should I wait after that one before moving on? Louis — my recommendation is to date multiple people at once if you are able to. Up until the point that it becomes clear that both people are interested in being exclusive, I encourage people to keep their options open.
I talk about this in this article: Dating Multiple People and why you should be doing it. I have tried online dating for nearly two years now and have met seven guys both interesting and may be the boring ones too.
At the end am badly hurt cos I remain lonely all over again. How about if he already planned to meet you, with specific details on where and when and how long? Can men really be too busy to chat? We talk email each other almost 6 weeks , we everyday flirts to each other too. After 1 month I got lucky and ended up meeting a girl. When someone does respond to my messages even more unusual!
I just ask them about their hobbies, and tell them about mine. I just wish people would show me the same kind of behavior. I am currious — who are the people saying you should never contact one woman at a time? That sounds like a bad idea to me. But yes, I say go all out! Increase your chances by sending more messages! My own view, and from experience, is that there are a lot of frauds out there who will lead you on just for the fun of it, then suddenly drop you.
Hi Brad, great article, which sadly I needed. As a comment, I think this sentence is a typo. I have been pretty unsuccessful with the dating site I am on. After I browse various photos of women , I eventually come across one that I like so I send her a simple greeting like: However, only a few respond and only some of them actually like me. I sometimes get hurt by this because I feel rejected which also makes me a little upset since acceptance for us is so important to us humans.
Do you have any advice for me? Hi Robert — one piece of advice right off the top of my head: Women get lots of emails and most guys use that very subject. Which email would you open first? I have been trying online dating for about a 6 months now and not really finding many prospects to email.
I finally came over a profile that I was very much interested. He emailed immediately back. He sounded very interested in his email and in fact he said: It was a short email attempting to start a conversation. He mentioned he traveled a lot, so I told him I love to hear more about your travels. He mentioned something about his profession on his profile that he deals with politicians and stock brokers, so I wrote him that I am looking forward to hear more about it and asked him what he exactly do and explained to him what I exactly do.
It has been 3 days and got no response back. I know that he read my email. So, I am now wondering what went wrong in one email and in one day that this man who sounded so excited one day and turned off in the next. I understand that it seems like something went wrong but he might just be busy or very slow to respond or absent minded. Or it could be any number of things…but we can really only guess. DO NOT write him and ask him what you did wrong. That will kill the conversation forever.
Hope your week has gone well. If someone just disappears without explanation after seemingly positive conversation, consider yourself lucky. I really like this man, we have a lot in common childhood, past, tragedies, way to elaborate stress, taste in food and movies, some hobbies, etc.
Since he ghosted me I had the opportunity to think… And I found out that many positive things came out from this weird situation: But she always tells me she has a young son and wants to take things very slowly. Once when she took a while to return my email she said it was because of her son. You will spend the entire relationship making attempts to get to know him, making attempts to communicate, making attempts to get his attention — making ALL the attempts.
Never begin a relationship by being the aggressor. Men go after what they want. No one gets anything for free and only cheats and liars expect something for nothing. The other option is to connect with him via a service like the Match. Either way, always let him make the first move. Ever go meet him without exchanging several emails first and speaking on the phone several times.
The courtship process is exactly that — a process. If you truly want to connect with someone in an authentic manner, then the process needs to be authentic, too, the tried and true way. And I mean that, girls. Consider him lazy or a serial killer and move along. Nor would he ever expect a true lady to be crazy enough to do so.
A serious man will want to converse with you first and find out your name and your interests before he invests any time, effort or money into you. People connect through conversation — they get screwed by meeting up with nameless strangers in the dark of night. Ever communicate with him. Stay the hell away from those free sites, Ladies. A good man looking for a good woman is willing to pay for a service to make that happen. Again, courtship is a process and people connect in an authentic manner via conversation.
Men, this goes for you, too. Imagine it this way. Would you feel a connection with a total stranger that approached you in public, never spoke but gestured for you to join them for lunch? Give him your phone number and invite him to call you.
On The First Date: Unless, of course, you want him to disappear the next day. Conduct yourself like a lady. Be funny, be smart, be kind, say thank you and be appreciative of his efforts. If you like him, an quick peck on the lips after dinner is acceptable. After The First Date: Call him and chase him and pursue him. Don't stalk him or view his profile repeatedly. Don't focus on how often he's on the site and don't stay off the site just because you've had one date with a guy.
Don't start revising your profile or taglines to send subliminal messages to a guy. Don't take your profile down, leave it up and stay active on it. If you begin to behave as desperate, too eager or too emotional, that's exactly what you'll look like to him.
Is he genuinely interested or is he just looking to get laid from easy pickings? And realize, many, many men will fall off and disappear on you after a first date when you do this. Continue to date other men, keep your options open and respond to texts a couple hours later.
Do return calls a few hours later or the next day. You want to look valuable to this man. And the only way to do that is to make him understand that you have a life and that others out there are demanding your time as well.
Being too available to men tends to invite bad behavior from them. Accept last minute requests for dates from the man. Remember, how you behave from the moment you meet a man sets the tone for how the relationship will be from that point forward. If you make yourself too available to a man and accept short notice dates, you will be treated like that by him from that day forward.
It will be like opening the door to him taking you for granted from that day on. Accept date invitations when they are requested 3 or more days in advance. Speak not with words, but with your actions.
How about Sunday instead? Using the 3 day rule also paces the relationship. The reason is that the relationship was not paced and he has no time to miss you, long to be with you, or think about you constantly. Men equate longing with love, Ladies. Let them long for you and your time.
If a man sticks around and is pursuing you as a genuinely interested man should, you can consider taking it to the next step and sleeping with him after the 7th or 9th date. No sooner or you may play your cards too soon and he may disappear unexpectedly on you. Make him prove he's interested before giving yourself and your power away to him.
Men like the chase, they like to compete and they enjoy a good challenge. It excites them and it keeps them interested. Give them what they want. And realize, you're both dating online. He will date other women and you should date other men.
That is, until one of three things has happened: You've exchanged I love you's 2. You've agreed to be exclusive with one another 3. Commitments have been made If none of the above has taken place, both you and he are free to explore options.
And you should take full advantage of that by continuing to do so. This will keep you emotionally healthy and keep you from obsessing over one man. And again, I repeat, lots of men will disappear on you when you follow the above advice. Any men who do not want to do any of the above with you — let them go.
So do that and get comfortable with the fact that many men who may seem too good to be true — actually are.
Realize that many men will not go through the efforts of proving themselves to you. I recently read a study that stated that modern day women have to kiss approximately 75 frogs before finding their Prince Charming.
So if 74 frogs leap away from you — know that the 75th is on his way to you. I am a mature female internet dater and feel there are certain things an older dater needs to consider. I have already in my first 4 months learned the hard way. You know why men contact me? I always have my hair up when we meet, then I go to the restaurant rest rooms and return with it down to surprise him- one man almost fell off his chair and was beaming from ear to ear, another pulled out his phone and said may I take a pic of your hair!!
I only search for compatible star signs and Im a numerologist, and have subtle methods for asking someones birthdate early on in our chats, so I have an added advantage in my screeing.
If they are incompatible I dont bother continuing. Wise Owl, Thank you very much for appreciating this information and finding it useful. Yes, I believe all of the above applies to any man at any age. However, if you'd like to add something based upon your experiences, please do so here in the comments and it's possible that I can update the piece to include your insights. I have girlfriends of all ages and there's one in particular that's a great girlfriend and mentor regarding men.
She's 68 years old and she reminds me of Judge Judy in her attitude and demeanor with men. She's very black and white, there are no gray areas with her, and she calls it like she sees it. She's a real spitfire, has never been married, and dates actively, although not online. And you know what? She tosses men around - and they all chase her LOL.
Metaphorically, picture this scene. They become intriqued by that. They pursue her and she baps them away, making it completely clear she's not looking for any commitments. They become even more intriqued and continue to purusue competitive. She talks to them on the phone for months before agreeing to a date qualifying them.
They continue to pursue need to win the prize. She goes on a date - and then bolts on them makes them pursue to prove their interested. They give chase must win. And this goes round and round and round for months - and they all blow up her phone and seek her out LOL.
She's not mean about it, but she gives them a real run for their money and they're all so baffled by her that they chase her and probably don't even know why LOL.
It's the equivalent of picking a man up, body slamming him and then whacking him in the face with your handbag - and they eat it up for some reason. Honestly, it's amazing that they do this.
And she always says, "I swear, the worse you treat a guy, the more he likes you. It's the damndest thing. I don't want to do it, but they love it, they eat it up. And if you think about it, it's always the men you don't want to talk to, the one's you avoid, that are ringing your phone all the time.
And the one's that you want to call you, the one's you're treating well - they're not calling. So there's definitely something to the "people always want what they can't have" theory, the law of scarcity. I used to argue with her about that, about her treatment of them, but you know what? After witnessing this time and time again working, I'm now a converted believer LOL. And by the time these guys actually get her out on a date - they're treating her like gold because they're so excited she finally agreed.
And these are men in their late 60's behaving like this. Now I'm not saying every woman should start out that extreme - she's got this down to a science and a well oiled process - there's an art to doing this without destroying your chances or the man.
However, playing hard to get and really making a man work for it - makes them appreciate it 3 times as much once they get it. And it also plays on the competitive nature in men, they like to "win. Nice touch with the way you present your greatest asset to these men, too. It's a nice little surprise. Men like to be kept on their toes and a woman who can do that really intriques them.
On a different note. I wonder, have you seen this piece here: And I believe I'm a life path number 9. Have you ever considered writing? If you'd like to consider it, use the "contact" button at the top left of the site, above the logo, and contact me directly. I know you've been following me here and commented on a lot of my pieces - I thank you for that and I thank you for your participation in this community. I think it's awesome to have a mature woman here conversing and participating with younger gals, sharing experiences, asking questions and joining in the community.
And I think it's great that you've grasped the concept of "qualifying" a man before you date him. It's a very necessary step for a woman when it comes to dating. They dont seem to comprehend that is why I am on here- to chat to and to go out and meet lots of men! In the olden days- when he was young, a man met one woman and there was no competition- he slowly got to know her and things were safe for him to persue in his own way and own time.
But with internet dating there are so many available options- a woman is chatting online to perhaps a few or more at once, a coffee here, a movie there. I have found if I tell a man Im doing this and I stress to him, there is no sex involved with the others they get oh so possesive, and say- well I only chat to one at a time and date one at a time, and another said, well I certainly wont be out looking for somebody better!
I have been dumped after 2 real wonderful dates as I had just met a new prospect I wanted to meet To me this is coming from a position of FEAR and a complete lack of self esteem. I feel my intentions are misunderstood. Im genuinely searching for a life partner, but they are treating me like a floosy. Do I need to give reassurance? How can I teach them the new way of doing things? I am learning not to tell them so much about what Im doing. Yes I know what you are going to say- do they tell me what they are doing and the answer is YES This may also be a cultural thing- in Australia men have the attitude of if Im seeing you you dont go with anyone else anywhere And mature men, who havnt dated for many years who are now divorced need to learn the new way of doing things.
The internet is a whole new ball game, but they are still playing by their old rules. Some have been sitting at their computer for years and they have got nowhere doing their one at a time mentality!! I really believe this to be a mature age problem- younger people are growing up with social media, and are used to going out with others- older men are lost in the jungle. Please mature ladies put your comments and suggestions on here if you have encountered this problem with your dating.
Wise Owl, I agree with you that their behavior stems from fear, lack of confidence and self esteem issues. Those are certainly present. Because I've seen in it younger generations with men on the Internet, too. They want you to make it EASY on them. And when they realize that YOU'RE choosing a man and you're not sitting back, waiting for a man to choose you - they realize that there's competition and that they're going to have to work at this.
They become resentful of that. They become resentful that they have to compete with other men. They get irritated that they can't pluck you off the Net, put a stamp on ya' and lay claim to you. They're being lazy and they're used to things going their way.
And I think a lot of these men lie. Because I meet men who say, "Women get much more attention there. So maybe it's more like this. Yes, they date one woman at a time - until they have sex with her. Then they disappear on her - and move onto the next one. I've met many men who tell me that many of the women they've met online - show up on the first date with an overnight bag. Regardless of what they blokes are up to, yes, I think you're being too honest with them.
I'm not saying you should lie. I'm saying you should just keep some things private with them is all. So when they pry for information, say something vague and don't elaborate on it, no matter how much they push. Because truthfully, a stranger has no right to your business anyway.
Especially when they're only going to use what you tell them to judge you. So when posed with this question, "Are you dating or seeing anyone else?
Or you could get flat out with them and say, "I really don't share personal information like that until I get to know someone. And the reality is - you don't have to answer to them. They have no right to the information they're asking for. Don't play your cards on the Net. Hold them close to your chest. And remember that you don't have to answer to any of them. They're asking personal questions way too early.
They don't need to know any of that information until after about 6 dates or so. Because if a guy sticks around that long, and then he asks that question, it's because he's considering taking it to another level. So that's when he deserves that information. These guys just expect everything to be so damn easy for them there. Look, it's like a grocery store for women.
Hmm, I'll think I'll take this one. Bag her up, I'm ready to go. Gotta' put a little effort into it these days. Women no longer NEED men for financial reasons or living conditions.
Women have their own money, their own homes. They're lazy men who just want to pluck a woman off the shelf and dump her in their kitchen because dinner is to be served promptly at 5PM. Umm, no thank you, LOL. Dear Mirror of Aphrodite, I am a 38 year old man and would just like to say that I enjoyed reading your commentary with regards to online dating. I hope every woman is heeding advice of this nature.
To be honest, I have made some of the classic blunders you describe. I subscribe more so to the old world and are struggling with many aspects of online dating ettiquette. I concur with many of the responses you suggest that come from men. It makes the prospect of having a meaningful conversation very difficult.
I can appreciate that many of the ladies have become suspicious or a simply worn down from the rubbish they encounter. Thank you for creating a document, which gives me this insight and more of an opportunity to find a genuine lady.
It's nice to see a man here agreeing and contributing his thoughts. Yes, navigating the online world of dating can be a challenge for men and women both and it's understandable that mistakes are to be made when getting a feel for how to approach it. But the fact that you subscribe to the old world ways is actually to your benefit.
Just use those ways and those old tried and true tactics to approach and communicate with women and you will find a nice one.
Approach it the traditional way with conversation emails first , telephone calls, courting asking for dates , nice gestures flowers and compliments , and showing interest asking for more dates, calling and communicating regularly.
And I imagine it's the same for men - when approaching it in the ways referenced above, many women may disappear on you. If that happens, so be it, don't worry about those women, they wouldn't have made a good girlfriend anyway if they don't appreciate the efforts you're making on their behalf.
And it's SO NICE to see a man agreeing that the traditional ways of doing things is actually the way to go and actually the way a woman should behave and carry herself. Keep your chin up, Simon. Miss Right is out there and you'll find her! I met a guy online on a dating site. We exchanged few emails to get to know each other. His profile is good.
His email responses were good. I asked him for his pic. He sent me two pics and one of them is a shirtless pic showing off his muscles. I was taken a back. It kinda creeped me. Or am I over reacting? I didn't reply to him yet. Anonymous, I think it's inappropriate.
I mean, you're strangers at this point - what's the message he's attempting to convey by doing that? It's like saying, "Hey, look at my body, don't you want my body? If you get to know one another at a later point in time, then I can see it being okay. But to act like that and come off like that right up front, when you're still strangers, making the focus your body or your muscles - it reeks of trolling the Internet for sex to me. Anonymous, Let me correct this statement "I think it's inappropriate to be sending half nude pictures of yourself, man or woman, to a virtual stranger.
It creeped me out and I didnt feel comfortable. Isn't it the same logic-nude or half nude? We are strangers and he wants to impress me with his body!! I feel it is inappropriate and I am not going to respond to him. Is it an over reaction? His profile is good and his responses in our email conversation are good. May be he is good at writing. Anonymous, It is inappropriate. Like I said, if you'd been in a relationship with him and dating several months he sent a pic, "Hey, look at these guns" then you could laugh and it would be more acceptable.
But he's an absolute stranger at this point and it's inappropriate. And no, you're not over reacting. And yes, it does make women feel uncomfortable, which is why men should knock that crap off when dating online. If you were in a bar and a strange man approached you, ripped off his shirt, and stood there, half naked in front of you - you'd think he was a whacko.
Well same goes for the online world. You don't just start showing your body off like that to complete strangers.
It's odd and it's inappropriate. And it signals he's got sex on his mind. I tried online dating and was very unsuccessful. My friends told me I didn't have enough pictures online that actually demonstrated my personality. Personally, I just wasn't comfortable online.
To be very honest, i felt like a loser!!! I understand that this is year but could you offer any other advice to meet smart, attractive and a good hearted man????
Mirror, I posted my profile on an online dating site. Exchanged few emails with a guy. From his responses he comes across as a gentleman. I am a 38 year Taurean and he is a 42 year Leo. First time we met for coffee and talked for a couple of hours. During the conversation,when I told him I am learning skating, he offered to teach me and asked me out the next day for skating. We went out for skating last night and had a good time.
He behaved perfectly well though he had to hold me and my hands to ensure that I don't fall down. I found it rather sweet. While looking for coffee, he said may be I will take to my place and there are lot of good restaurants nearby.
I said there is one coffee shop that is open here and lets go there. We sat for half hour and talked about sports. He drove me to my place and before leaving I thanked him and said it was fun tonight and he said call me sometime it would be good to talk again. He didn't ask me for another meeting. I would love to meet him again but I do not want to initiate at this early stage.
Or should it be mutual? He asked me out two times and is he expecting me to do it this time? Appreciate an advice on how should I approach as I really like this guy. Sorry for the long post. I logged into the site today and found him online. But I am a little confused on this dating etiquette. Should I never initiate any contact in the beginning?
Anonymous, No, I don't think it's ever a good idea for a woman to begin pursuing a man. Once you do that, they become lazy and it sets the tone from that day forward.
You'll spend all your time trying to garner an ounce of his. Now realize, he's dating online. So that means he's dating other women - always assume that because that's what they're there for and that IS what they're doing. So don't start to feel insecure or feel like you have to remind him that you exist. He knows you exist and if he's genuinely interested, he'll come back and ask you out again - just like he did the first two times.
You see, what he's attempting to do here, by asking you to call him, is he's trying to make this easy for himself. Guys try real hard at first and then once they get a foot in the door, they attempt to swing the burden of carrying the relationship onto the woman - so they can sit back and cruise down easy street. And since he's dating online, he knows this and he knows that many insecure women - fall for that crap.
Don't fall for that and don't set yourself up as one of his Plan B's. If you do, you're going to look like all the other women out there he's dealing with right now. And you have to realize, too, that when men do stuff like that - they're testing you. They're testing to see if you're one of those insecure women that will bend over backwards for them.
And many, if they find out you are, they'll start dating you, sleep with you, then disappear on you. I'd suggest holding out for two weeks. If you don't hear from him by then, you can always try to send a "how are you" text - two weeks from now. But that's it, only one text, no more which honestly, I don't even suggest doing. The thing is, no matter how much you like this guy and how great he appears to be, you need to find out his level of interest.
Is he genuinely interested or only half interested? And the only way to do that - is to let him pursue you. If he's genuinely interested, he'll certainly be back. If he's only half interested, he won't - and you will have saved yourself from possibly having the wool pulled over your eyes and being used here. These men who date online are very savvy at the game, dear.
I don't care how nice they come across. They're on these sites pulling stunts right and left and you need to filter out the one's that are genuinely interested from the one's that are only interested in sweet talking and charming their way into your pants. And again, the only way to know - is to see if he'll pursue you.
And with him saying, "Call me sometime, It'd be nice to talk" - that would signal to me that he's about to place me in his rotation as a Plan B while he continues his search for "the one. I should add that in the meantime, your dating life doesn't stop simply because you've met this one guy. You're dating online too, just as he is, and my suggestion to you. Don't stop living and sit around waiting for a guy to come to his senses.
Mirror Jan6, Thanks so much Mirror. I will sit tight and date other men. My life doesn't revolve around any guy.
In two weeks if I don't hear from him I should get my message that he is not interested then why bother texting him after 2 weeks. I would appreciate your response on how to handle this - suppose he contacts again after few days and says he didn't hear from me or something to that effect-how does one handle this without saying it applies to you as well!
I searched for him on FB. I didn't send him a friend request or anything like that. But now I feel I shouldn't have done that either. Because sometimes FB suggests friends you may know and I don't want to appear on this list for him! I shouldn't have done that. Anonymous, Yea, Facebook does that so just don't do it again is all. You say, "Hey, it's great to hear from you! I'm sorry, I've just been so busy.
I had a few things pop up unexpectedly. And it's funny, I was just going to contact you today - but here you are, LOL! He's not your boyfriend, husband or lover - you don't have to answer to him it's none of his business. And when women pose those questions to men, they get the same generic answer - which by the way - men feel women should accept. I say - what's good for the goose is good for the gander. You apologize for not calling. You acknowledge that you intended to call.
You provide a generic excuse as men do in these situations. And you show that you're pleased to hear from him. And if he asks you out on a third date - before he even gets the chance when the time is near that the date is ending - you end it by saying, "Call me, I'd love to do this again sometime.
So don't feel the need to try harder to win his attention, just let him go because that indicates he's only half interested and the only thing he IS interested in - is keeping you in his rotation.
Wow you are amazing Mirror. Thanks for the advice. I would have accepted 3rd date immediately if I hadn't read this! He is more of calling guy than texting. So may be I should let the call go to voice mail when he calls and I should return the call after a couple of hours.. LOL or am i being too mean?
Anonymous, Yep, you're getting it now ;- Don't come off too eager. Men read A LOT into that type of behavior from women and all it does is set the woman up - to become a perfect victim. People can only use you - if you permit yourself to be used. You do exactly as you're thinking here. When he calls, you let the call go to voicemail and you return it a hour or two later. That way, he knows you're not sitting at home, waiting for him to call and jumping on the phone, sounding out of breath LOL - because he finally called.
This is "the game" honey. Women don't wanna play it, but men insist on it. And believe you me - he's testing you right now. That's how they find out if the woman is: Men are very competitive and they like a good challenge. So why not give them what they want ;- And if you don't believe that this shit is a test, read this below, written by a self-proclaimed player: Look at it this way. Maybe he is trying to see how much you needed him or how much you will miss him if he is no longer there.
And your behavior now might make things either worse or better for you. Hence my advice is never to panic or over react. Keep your head to avoid sending the wrong message. I am just testing you to see how suspicious you can get. I am just interested in knowing your depth of your interest and commitment in the whole relationship. Instead, show him how it's done, LOL. If he wants to play the game - you be the coach. Mirror Jan 6,, 3: Unfortunately, I have not dated many men and wanted to understand few points: In the beginning of dating, how often one should expect a guy to ask you out?
The reason I am asking this is, we had two really good dates and then I haven't heard from him. It has been only two days since the last date but I am just wondering what are a guy's timelines? If he is testing me, then how long would he wait before contacting me again? If he comes back after 2 or 3 weeks, I may not be interested at all.. I continue to log in to that dating site and few times both of us happened to be on the site at the same time.
I don't know whether it is a coincidence or he is stalking me: I never bothered to ping him nor did he. Infact we never chatted online till now. Exchanged few emails and then he spoke to me and we met. My question is, if and when this guy contacts me again and asks me how many guys I dated what should be my response?
What should be my cues to understand whether a guy is genuinely interested in me. Because last two times we met, he was keen to understand about my parents, siblings etc. Mirror, Happy New Year! Second, I live in a fairly small town where people know each other. God, did you see that picture he took of himself in the mirror? I think men feel the same and my male friends have mentioned this as well: Then, talk on the phone.
Then, arrange to meet. Usually this is over the course of one week. Anonymous Jan 6, 3: And if you're no longer interested at that time, then so be it.
So you give a generic, vague answer. Something to the effect of, "I've dated a few. But none of them were the one. And that can be anywhere from two to three months. It goes completely against natural gender roles - man leads, woman submits. And it also places the woman at a disadvantage from day one. It sets her up as the pursuer and she's the one doing all of the work to get the relationship off the ground. Most of those services offer a "call" feature. Meaning, they offer a feature where you can let a man call you, without you providing him directly with your number.
If you're uncomfortable giving out your number, I suggest using an online dating site with that feature - such as Match. Also, this is again placing you in the dominant role, that of the man, and flipping the natural gender role that Mother Nature insists on - man leads, woman submits. Once a woman begins to pursue a man by initiating contact, he views her as needy and desperate and he tends to begin to take advantage of her by assuming she's desperate for male attention and that's why she's doing the pursuing.
And then after those first few exchanges, you use that "call" feature and invite the man to telephone you. Thank you for responding Jan. I feel like I'm on display for the whole world to see when I'm on a dating site. It's embarrassing to me. People who aren't even paying can search for free and view what you have to say. Plus, I've had people contact me the last few months from being on there before and I've lied and said that "I'm dating someone right now.
I consider myself a private person and would love to chat by e-mail, so I did not disclose my life story online. I am looking forward to my conversation with you.. Anonymous, Well I'm not quite sure where the embarrassment stems from. I mean, what are you revealing online that someone can make fun of? So they poke fun at a picture - well you can do that on Facebook, too. Or they poke fun at a statement - they can do that on Facebook, too. Hell, they can do that in real life.
You don't have to share a life story in an online dating profile. As a matter of fact, I don't recommend that at all. The only items to be included in an online profile are: And both of those things are anything that anyone can poke fun at in real life.
And if folks are poking fun at you for dating online, then they're living in the past. The days where there was stigma attached to it. There are doctors, lawyers, corporate men, career professionals, small business owners, scientists, marketers - there are TONS of professional men there doing the same thing you're doing. I don't really understand what there is to poke fun at and I think by hiding your profile, you're missing out on many of those men finding you, approaching you and asking you on dates.
Additionally, when someone is very uncomfortable with online dating and hides their profile or pics, etc. So right off the bat, it throws someone's suspicious eye at you and they wonder, "What is she hiding from?
I see nothing wrong with it and I don't see anything there to be embarrassed about or make fun of. Step outside your self-imposed prison, honey, and show your face to the world. Stand proud, strong and confident. Don't cave to the idle ramblings of small minded people.
Dear Mirror, I found your blog after several months into Internet dating and yours is by far the most helpful one. Thank you for these wonderful insights! I have met this really cute guy about one and half month ago and been on three dates we have been exchanging emails since October. He has come to my city around 40 min drive from his to see me and paid for all of the three dates. He is a financial analyst and flies frequently to different parts of the world on business trips. Unlike some other guys who liked to press for intimacy in the very beginning, he acted like a gentleman and so far we have only hugged and pecked on the cheeks because we were both getting over a cold LOL.
He expressed interest in seeing me again during our last date. I called him twice. Both are on weekend nights and both calls went to his voice mail. From what I can tell, he is not good talking on the phone—awkward silence LOL--but what if he needs to hear the voicemails to see which girl is calling?
He did not ask me a lot of personal questions nor did he tell me that much about him. Instead, we kept the conversation on general topics like international politics, history, and a lot of other inpersonal, light subjects. His online dating profile is still up there. It said that he stopped subscribing to it a while ago but encourages visitors to email him based on a riddle of the real address hidden in his profile.
He took many more bathroom breaks than I did. From your blogs, I can tell that he and I are still testing waters. So is that it? If not, then totally cut him off?
Btw, we are of the same astrological sign—but does this matter? Thank you so much! Troubled Aquarius, Well, I've seen much worse red flags, LOL ;- The general vibe that I'm getting here is that he's pacing things out, taking it slow, casually dating you - and probably casually dating others as well. Now I realize that isn't what you'd like to hear, but honestly, at this stage, it's perfectly acceptable.
And this is perfectly acceptable for you to do as well. There are no commitments here and, as a result, each is free to continue exploring their options. The good thing that I see here is, overall, it appears that there's a continued interest. I realize you'd like to speak on the phone with him and I agree that men need to bring this back into their dating mix I'm so sick of texts, they amount to a two sentence email in my opinion.
However, right now, the fact that he's maintaining a continued interest is good enough, it's a good sign. It's also a good sign that he's not attempting to "fast track" you into the bedroom, it's a good sign that he's a gentlemen when he's with you and he's treating you well, it's a good sign that he's coming to you and not requesting that you go to him and honestly, I think it's actually a good sign that he's keeping the conversation a bit generic. That tells me that he's not trying to bullshit you or charm you - he's keeping it real and making small talk and normal conversation.
The only two I see that are a tad concerning but still not concerning enough to be worried about at this point are the bathroom breaks and the profile with the cryptic email address in it. The bathroom breaks could be nerves or something like that, however, if your gut is telling you that he's going there to text someone outside of your view - that would be something to pay attention to then. And the profile online with contact information in it tells me he's still open to dating other women.
But that's okay because you should be open to dating other men right now, too. I wouldn't cut him off for excluding me from either at this point. If he asked you for a commitment and then did that, then yes, I'd be upset. But at this point, he hasn't asked you to be his girlfriend so you can't expect to be included in such things as a girlfriend would be, it's too early for that.
I usually wait for about 18 to 24 dates before making a decision to cut a man off. About 6 months if you're seeing each other times a month. So at the rate you're dating him, that would be about 9 - 10 months before making a decision like that. If you go on that many dates with a man and he isn't expressing feelings for you or asking for exclusivity yet - then he's never going to. And that's when you move on. And until there are feelings expressed or exclusivity requests, I believe it's perfectly acceptable to casually no sex date others.
Dear Mirror, Thank you so much for your detailed answer, which helps a lot. I have been reading your blog entry re. I fully understand, from your perspective, that I should be exploring my options and waiting for him to make the initiatives. What confuses me occasionally is that, should I also use some of the NC on this guy?
For example, during our early communication stage, he would write long emails about his travel and even take pictures of the international destinations as attachments. Then, it moves to multiple text messages daily. The reason is that I feel at this stage, even if we are both testing waters, I cannot let him initiating ALL of the communication, right?
What bothers me is: He told me once after I called him that he enjoyed talking with me and thanked me for calling him and would call me later. But he did not.
He did not call either. Throughout the whole trip, he only emailed me a piece of news article and exchanged 2 impersonal comments with me 3 words or less. I have offered to visit him before the trip and he even did not meet me or call me, should I wait and see if he would offer to visit me for the fourth time?
Hmm, the sign of "continued interest" is elusive to me. Troubled Aquarius, "should I also use some of the NC on this guy? Unfortunately, when a woman makes herself too available to a man, it invites poor treatment. The man doesn't value her because he didn't have to fight for her attention and he begins to take her for granted - that she'll always be there, no matter how ignorant he is.
If he's genuinely interested, he will seek you out. If he's not, he won't. It takes the natural order of things - man leads, woman submits - and it topples them. If he is, he will seek you out. If he isn't, he won't. Men view this behavior from women as desperate and it turns them off, in addition to the reasons I've listed above about a woman exerting masculine energy. If he's genuinely interested, he will. If he's looking for something easy and he's only half interested, he won't.
And then you'll know. Anyway, I have a pretty specific situation that isn't geared towards any man in particular but I'm still wondering what to do as far as NC or showing interest. I am a black woman who is mostly attracted to white men. I don't know why, I guess it's just my preference and what feels most right to me.
That being said, I've been dating online for a few months now and I've noticed that a lot of white men will not make the initial contact even if they're attracted to me because they assume that black women aren't interested in white men. This leads me to believe that I need to initially show interest to show them that this isn't the case.
Now, I know that men with racial hang-ups or men who are genuinely just not interested in black women will weed themselves out, but how do I go about showing that I'm initially interested without being the aggressor to the men who are open minded but just didn't think that they would have a chance with a woman of a different race?
Anonymous, Well it depends on which site you're using. A site like Match. If that's the case, a simple viewing of the man's profile will put your face in front of his. As will a "wink. I really wouldn't do a direct contact and be the first one to initiate communication. MOA, Thanks for your advice! Under careful consideration and after reading "things all women should have" I've decided to take a break for a while and get to know myself a little more before jumping back into the dating scene.
I'm recently separated although emotionally separated for years and have some things to get together before inviting another person into my life. I will definitely continue to read your posts though.
Hopefully your principles will be second nature to me by the time I'm ready to really start looking. Heck, I still need to get that little black dress! When I first started talking to my Libra man, it was online, and constant flirting. Now after we met, and had a date, I don't get those types of flirtaous comment's like I did. Though I do hear from him, it's not as often or fun. What's up with that? Anonymous, He may only be half interested, sweetie: Hello Mirror, I am new to online dating and so far I have only met one guy that I thought might be worthwhile.
We've exchanged several emails for the past two weeks and he asked me if I would be open to meet sometime, I said yes as he seems to be a decent and honest guy. Because of his work he requires shift work being away for 2 weeks and back home for 7 days. He has been back since last Wednesday and I thought he would be asking me out for a date, but all he said was that he was busy this Sunday and he asked me what my schedule was like, so I replied and explained that I could probably meet sometime for lunch or coffee next week except for Wednesday.
Iamges: online dating girl doesnt ask questions
Are there any helpful rules about this, or does it not really matter?
I have been divorced for 25 years. Always let the man pursue you, otherwise, you'll never know if he's truly interested in you or not: Myself and another women..
After 6 months I realized he ecards dating funny Alzheimer and his family moved him back home. Was a big success on OKC. You might need to look elsewhere. International Letters During Basic Training. This leads me to online dating girl doesnt ask questions that I need to xsk show interest to show them that this isn't the case. Your Online Dating Profile: