Ignoring vs. Polite Rejection? : OkCupid

Online Dating Etiquette: Not Interested, Here’s What to Say

polite rejection dating

If you lack it, you can be an Adonis and still not be attractive. Instead, they problem solve. But shoot me a "no thanks" and there is no ambiguity. I was afraid of getting hurt. Censor any name that is not yours. Instead, look for patterns. Sadly for ya'll, I have some depos next week, so I will be gone for days.

It's Time You Learned The Real Reason She Turned You Down

I don't know if ignoring is the norm for saying "no thanks," or how I should phrase a rejection message without being mean? Hey, just wanted to let you know that I thought about it, and I wouldn't fuck you. She was with her 5 years. I would verry much appreciate it! Also, just a heads up. You shouldn't be obligated to make more effort than they are. Good luck out there.

Tell people you trust — including people of the other sex — what your problem is and what they think you should change.

Likewise, ask for feedback from dates who rejected you. This is even more daunting, but feedback can tell you volumes. You want to give them permission to be honest and avoid punishing them for their honesty. Email them and say something like this:. Did I do anything that bothered you or turned you off? Whether friend or date, not everyone will give you honest feedback.

Of those that do, their feedback may be unhelpful or even rude. Instead, look for patterns. Look for things that resonate with you. Then, make some changes. Hi Christie, I have another one for you. So I have been emailing back and forth with this woman I met on Match a few weeks ago. We live in different cities so meeting up right away was out of the question. Anyways, in a recent email, she reveals she smokes pot this is a middle-class, middle-aged woman who has 2 kids.

I tell her I was shocked to hear this and I do not like to associate with people who use illegal drugs she lives where pot IS illegal. I wish her well though and say goodbye. She emails me back this nasty note saying I am judgemental and close-minded. Drug users often think non-users are close-minded. However, if you want feedback: Now you know why too much can backfire. In my experience women give the worse feedback when it comes to attracting other women.

Come from a place of abundance, fuck it up, and learn from your mistakes. Best of luck champ! Long ago before this automatic avoidance started happening, I would get some women who would talk to me. I always have been ever since I was born and everyone I have ever known takes it the wrong way and assumes the worst.

If you lack it, you can be an Adonis and still not be attractive. However, look at yourself in the mirror: Is there something in particular that you dont like? Maybe your clothes or hair need tune up. Maybe your brows need a little cleanup.

Are you a big guy? This may not be a problem for some gals, but its good to go for a walk or the gym, releases endorphines and testosterone One makes you happy, the other attracts women. And last, is there any facial feature that you hate? Minor surgery can correct an unattractive nose. I have repeatedly respectfully asked dates for feedback to no avail.

I keep getting to about this 3rd date or even more and they just disappear never to be heard from again. My photos are updated monthly and are an accurate representation of me. Its kinda driverme crazy wondering…. Six months ago I tried online dating for the first time.

I just needed to get over the past. I finally decided I needed to move on. I felt bad thought that so many guys were interested but I knew Id be too shy to actually meet up. But one caught my attention. We started to be in contact for a few months he lived in another state but planning to move over to my city soon to study.

He invited me to see him in his city before he made the move over. It was great for a few days. He sounded annoyed that she found a new man 6 months after they broke up. But he was just sharing. I have shared about my exes. His ex was 6 years younger than him.

I started to feel scared. I started to wonder if he was over her. What if he liked younger women more. She was with her 5 years. I knew I was just feeling silly.

But he never called me back. I just felt he might prefer younger girls? He was the man of my dreams. Was I wrong in my fears? I was afraid of getting hurt. Even though your intentions were well, they came out offensive.

I just stumbled upon this article. Ever since i was a teenager i have been insecure, i always pick the pretty ones. I used to be able to trigger girls interest and date them but after a few dates they got bored of me and it never got to a relationship. And the few i meet never got to a date. For example, i met a girl 4 years ago on a wedding and there was a good chemistry between us, she had a boyfriend at that time so i kept her on a distance and talked to her every now and then.

Lately I try to give polite rejections when the reasons are actually nice ish. Sorry and good luck. Holy shit, this has been a very enlightening thread. I honestly thought it'd be more humane to just be direct with my disinterest.

Well, let the training begin! Honestly, a lot of men on OKC are socially inept see, for evidence, the rest of this sub ; because most women ignore most men's messages, any kind of response is going to be taken by a subset of men as a reason to continue the conversation.

Then, you're either ignoring their follow up, which isn't too different from ignoring the first message, or you end up responding to their follow up, and you're IN a conversation the very point of which was you didn't want to be in it.

So it's basically unreasonable to assume that they'd get the hint if I straight up told them "Thanks, but no thanks"? I really thought that's what most people would prefer. IRL, that's the polite thing to do. I think in this context, it's better to just not say anything. The dudes of OKC are used to it. There are definitely a lot of great people on OKC; I've had 3 long term relationships, made a new best friend, and had some good dates that didn't lead anywhere for various reasons. Well, as a gay man, I probably won't get quite as many messages as the ladies do, but I'm sure the principles still apply.

I don't usually feel bad ignoring guys who send me a "yo," but when I can tell someone has put some thought into their message, I get really conflicted. Sorry about the false assumption. I have no idea what gay OKC is like. I'd probably still recommend the same, but can't speak from experience about the dynamic. My rule of thumb is, do not message someone unless you want them to reply. Ignoring is the best way to reject someone.

You don't need a conversation about it. I respond to all good faith messages with something like this "Hey, thanks for your interest but I don't think we are compatible. Best of luck on your search. I ignore anyone who only says "Hi" or sends anything overtly sexual or offensive right off the bat. It's not as though you can never respond with a polite rejection.

Plenty of men would appreciate getting as much. Ignoring is simply the safest option. The entitled insecure ones may still send you an ugly message even after you ignore them, but those are the kinds of guys that weren't going to listen to you anyway. For those exemplary assholes, all you have to do is block them.

Opinions on rejection messages vary widely on here, and there likely isn't any one correct answer. Plenty of people would prefer to be explicitly told they've been rejected because it brings closure, they know for certain not to contact you again, and if you tell them why then they know what they need to "fix".

But you can also argue that anyone who wants closure or reasons is insecure, it's an attempt to manipulate you or negotiate with you, etc.

And there is some truth to a guy getting his hopes up when you send any kind of response, only for him to be knocked back down again. Remember that silence itself is a response. If you don't reply, most guys will take the hint. In the end, it's up to you to decide whether or not a guy seems like he could take a rejection with grace and dignity, or if you even feel like sending a rejection. If someone just says "hey" with no other information, that's fair to ignore. You shouldn't be obligated to make more effort than they are.

I think that it depends on the person; some people would be thankful for someone to be blunt, others would be offended. You could just humor them, and heck, you don't HAVE to date everyone you meet off the internet.

Maybe you'll make a new friend. God dammit, there goes my ability to be pretentious on this site. I thought since "to feel" was a verb, then "badly" would be right. I always correct people when they say "I'm doing good," to "I'm doing well. I think "to be" takes adjectives as well as adverbs--e. I'm heavy, not I'm heavily. I think "to do" when it's connected to "to be" gets elided into also taking adjectives. In your example, we don't really need "doing" at all; take it out, and the meaning is the same.

Put me in the camp of wanting a rejection. If you don't want to talk to me, then the least you could do is say, "no thanks. My question to you would be: But is it really better to receive something along the lines of "I'm not interested because I don't find you attractive? Bonus points if they can tell me which image of mine is the least flattering. Also tells me I need to reorganize and try to promote other features like my resourcefulness or intelligence.

Unfortunately, I feel like you're in the minority. If I were to send that to most of the guys who message me, I'd get verbally assaulted. They ruin it for the rest of you. How about the second question then, how can I say, in message form, "hey, I want rejection and I want it hard? I've been trying a follow up response when I see that someone has visited my profile but didn't respond, but that's received one response which was actually an apology as in, "I was going to respond, just got too busy.

Because if you're already asking for a formal rejection, it makes you look insecure. It also makes it appear that you're rejected often and don't like the outcome. You can't project confidence while looking weak.

If you really want to know how to improve your profile, or why your likely being rejected, ask the folks here. At least you'll know the responses are honest. At the end of your message you can say something like "I look forward to hearing from you, even If you're just offering a critique" or something. I prefer a rejection myself over being ignored. Being ignored is kinda rude after you take the time to read my message and check out my profile.

I'm human, not a piece of meat to be eyeballed or a car to have its tires kicked. I find it annoying and wonder exactly what it is I am or I'm doing to not even get a basic reply. Ok so you might not date me but that doesn't mean we can't have a conversation? I'm ugly, so being personally rejected hurts a lot.

So I'd rather be ignored so that way at least I can argue with myself that she didn't read it, or was busy, or some other reason other than I am fat and ugly. It especially hurts if I feel like I made a good match in terms of interests, what they are looking for, things in common, when I am personally given the rejection. It feels like I am being rejected as a person, a whole person. Like I'm not even worth the time.

A good looking guy, who is banging 2 girls on the side already, just goes meh who cares, and moves onto the next chubby single mom. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. Log in or sign up in seconds. Submit a new link. Submit a new text post. Blur out the faces of anyone who isn't you.

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polite rejection dating

I don't know if ignoring is the norm for saying "no thanks," or how I should phrase a rejection message without being mean? Are you a big guy?

polite rejection dating

Also, if someone you're not interested in messages you, I advise "hiding" them.

polite rejection dating

Was I really too optimistic? Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. But I might be a unique snowflake. They blame dating, the other sex, online dating, you rejectioh it. The last time I saw someone post polite rejection dating cordial rejection here was a gay guy replying to a slightly older gentleman.