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You can let this one back into your life, but you DO NOT pick up right where you left off with this guy. He takes you to dinners, he waits for a one to two month minimum for sex , he makes phone calls and sends texts all in a timely manner to communicate with you — anything short of that and you throw this one right back into the pond.
Unlike the situation above, he did the dumping. You do the same with this one as I suggested above in the scenario where you dumped him. You make him start from scratch. No exceptions with this one — from scratch, gals. If he bails on you a week or two into it, he was back for sex and you dodged a bullet here.
If you take him back with open arms and shower him with attention, you will be initiating the disappearing, reappearing man syndrome. A true gentleman wants to share his life with you.
A shady player does not. Not a good sign, gals. Have you been pressuring him? Poking around about how he feels about you? Poking around about where you stand with him? However, there are times when a relationship is just over. Either way, the best thing to do when encountered with this situation is to follow the advice listed here. Speaks to His Ex Girlfriend s This is a hard one that requires a bit of observation over time.
But then again, I believe that in these situations, one of them wants to be more than just friends. You let him think about that one.
A man who genuinely cares will show you. A Little Inspiration Ladies, dating is tough and it takes it's toll. I think this lil diddy is appropriate. Keep your chin up and don't worry about the fools in life: Do what you want to.
Tolerating disrespectful, ignorant abuse and treatment from someone is nothing anyone should be doing — man or woman. I've been reading your posts regarding dating men mostly Taurus men, who I personally believe are very true to their sign more than any other sign in the zodiac and what I've gathered thus far is to mirror his actions EXACTLY. But the good news is that I'm learning and maturing when it comes to my dealings with men, only after realizing my worth as a woman and most importantly, a human being.
Another good word of advice is that once a woman shows a man that she is afraid of losing him and will do mostly anything to keep him, he'll show his funky ass!
I was guilty of this and I know other women that made the same mistake and that's how I know it to be true. So, ladies, NEVER let a man know that you are afraid to lose him and your life will be nothing without him. I'm sure you agree wholeheartedly Aphrodite Bull! Thanks for all of the time you put into helping woman deal with men in this sucky dating world.
Keep it coming because there are many ladies out there who you are helping even if they don't post a comment. Yes, mirror a man's behavior to the absolute TEE. That old saying, "Treat others how you would like to be treated" - yea, that doesn't apply these days. If you do that, people will walk all over you. So I say, "Treat people the way they treat you. And if they start to whine, you simply point out that when they act that way towards you, you don't freak out - so why are they?
They know when they're behaving badly, they're human. When you begin to treat them as they treat you, a funny thing happens. They don't like it and if they like you, they'll stop it and get "real" with you. You have to set boundaries. If you give someone an inch in this day and age, they'll take a mile. Because if they hear that, they'll test that boundary with you it's human nature to do so unfortunately and they WILL cause you pain. Know your value, demand respectful treatment not through demands but through actions - i.
Nothing is more alluring to a man than a woman with confidence, a bit of a mysterious attitude - and no fear. And I might add that just the other day, a man referred to me as "bullish" in nature.
Yep, that'd be me, Taurus the Bull. But you know what? He chuckled when he said it and admitted that he secretly like it. His exact words were, "That's a good thing. They really don't want a woman to roll over and play dead.
They can't respect that and honestly, I think it's the reason they "test" women the way they do. Secretly, I think they're looking for the one that will give them a run for their money: Aphrodite I agree with everything you said.
Men want you to call them out on their bullish. I have a good guy friend and he has told me numerous of times that women really have the power and control and all we have to do is learn how to access and use the power to get what we want from a man. Always being available and responsive is not a good look at all. I believe this is why Bulls have women chasing them, same goes for the women. I read somewhere that Scorpios and Bulls wish they possessed some traits that the other has and I think that is true.
I sensed that my guy friend was becoming distant and unavailable and one day last week I asked him to come by and he told me he was busy. So, after processing his behavior and actions towards me I immediately fell off his radar, as you put it. I stuck to my guns and told myself that I deserve and I refused to reach out to him.
I knew I was serious because I was a little tipsy over the weekend and I still remained silent. This is foreign behavior for me so I was very proud of myself. You got that right…Haha! He asked me if everything is ok. I feel very in control of myself and the situation. Thanks for your input and time! Doesn't it feel excellent to be in control? Not necessarily in control of the relationship, but of yourself and your emotions?
I had to laugh. Why aren't you blowing up my phone? He's now questioning himself but the real beauty is that he's thinking of you. Give it a couple days. Chances are he'll start missing you. And that's exactly what you want. But to do this properly, when you do speak with him, no mention of why you disappeared. He'll ask because he's perplexed. You simply say cheerfully, "Oh, I've just been really busy is all.
You keep him guessing and he won't be able to stop thinking about you: Yeah I definitely feel in control of my emotions. I laughed too when I read the text. Thanks again and have a great weekend! This was very helpful Aphrodite Bull and thanks for directing me here. As for my feelings about my Taurus though I really do still desire him I am ok if it does not work out.
For some reason when I sent him that email I felt closure. I felt that what will be will And for once was alright with that outcome. I would never have gotten through this emotional roller coaster not that the ride has ended Lol but I do see the end and a in a much happier place.
He replied back saying that he still has feelings for his ex and apologized if he has been stringing me along. Although I think that's just a bullshit excuse for not telling me he doesn't want a relationship. I never replied and it's been over a week. I really liked him. My emotions and feelings run so deep and it's making it hard for me to get over it.
I want to say something but I think it's best I remain silent and move on. Some guys are so deceiving and misleading.
I somewhat blame myself because I should've seen it coming. I was good to him and this is the thanks I get. Thank you so much Ms. It has been two weeks since my boyfriend stopped answering my calls and texts. After the second day of no responses, I stopped calling and texting him. I am so proud of myself. In past relationships I always gave in after a few days. I have to admit though, it is hard not calling or texting this last guy to ask why.
Having a better understanding of Taurus men, now I realize I was probably being played by this guy anyway. Tryin2GetItRight, No worries, the fact that you're here reading up on the subject tells me that you know what's happening isn't right - and now you're deciding what to do about it. That's a good start. I must admit, and you may have already realized if you've been reading other articles and comments here - that I'm not a big fan of telephone, texting and pursuing men.
It only ends up leaving the woman in the position of doing all the work to keep the relationship going - and then, it doesn't provide any clear answers as to how he feels about you - because he isn't required to lift a finger. If you hang back, stop the calls and texts even when you're dating the guy - you won't have to wonder or question anything. You'll save yourself lots of grief and worry.
Because if he likes you - he'll pursue you like a real man should. If he doesn't, you have your answer and there's nothing left to be concerned about. When a woman does all the work, the guy gets off easy. I have a feeling this one will be back. And before he returns, please, please read the piece here titled, "The Disappearing Reappearing Man: Never reward someone for behaving badly. If you do, this cycle will only continue indefinitely.
I'm proud of you, too. And you know what? You don't need to know why. All that matters is that he's disappeared.
The "why" really doesn't matter as I'm quite sure it had nothing really to do with you - and more to do with HIM or what he's been up to. So don't worry about the why - he'd only lie to you about it anyway. So prepare yourself for his return and gain your strength to stand your ground here. By following the advice in that article I referenced above, you will get your answer.
He'll either flake out and disappear for good, which is just fine, don't waste your time, make room for another GOOD man. Or, he'll man up and come around, only this time, with some respect for you. People can only treat you as poorly as you permit them to. And if you jump when he returns, he's going to play the game because he'll know he's got you - and he doesn't have to treat you right to get the reward.
Educate yourself on the matter, have some long pep talks with youself - and take control of the situation. As you can probably tell from my last post, I was very much in my emotions but I don't take back my words because that's how I was feeling at the time. Good news is, I've bounced back to my confident, content and cheerful self!
All the advice and guidance you've given about how a woman should deal with a man in the beginning stages of the courtship is pretty much accurate. The "red flags" are always there we just have to be wise enough to take heed and proceed with extreme caution.
I've learned a lot from my last dating disaster lol and that's the most important thing. I am good being single and dateless for the moment but the next gentleman I choose to date will have to invest much effort and time to show that he's worthy of my time and affection, period! I do have one question for you, what are the signs of a man who is geniunely into you? How would his behavior differ from a guy who is playing games?
Thanks again for all that you do here. You are the bomb girl! Anonymous, That is good news, indeed. First off, if you meet a guy and you can relate to a combination of these actions and behaviors, he's a player: But a man who is genuinely interested, these are the things I notice.
He follows through and he does what he says he's gong to do. He doesn't want to lose the girl because he does genuinely like her, so he makes very few mistakes. And if he does have to change plans, he's very apologetic and considerate about it. A guy whose genuinely interested will do things such as open doors, bring flowers, take you to a nice restaurant, call when he says he will, he'll keep in touch often and keep communication going.
He'll be reliable and he won't make an attempt at sex right away. A guy who genuinely likes you will make time to see you and he'll also be the one traveling to see you, not you coming to him.
He won't speak vulgar in front of you and he won't speak negatively about women in front of you, he'll be respectful. When on a date with a guy who genuinely likes you, he'll want to please you. He will be focused on you and only you, he won't be eyeballing other women and he'll make eye contact and be focused on what you're saying.
He'll be the one initiating contact and he'll be the one requesting to see you. He'll be interested in making you happy and he'll want to do things and take you to places that will make you happy, he won't do anything to make you uncomfortable. Physical signs of a man that genuinely likes you are eye contact, touching your arms, shoulders or hands. It is said that a man who is genuinely interested will hold a gaze for approximately seconds before looking away.
He'll sit facing you and he'll move forward towards you when speaking to you. He may also mirror your behavior. For example, if you yawn, he may too. If you touch your face, he may touch his. If you cross your legs, he may do the same. That's a commonly known trait of attraction between two people. And a guy who genuinely likes you will give you nothing to worry about, he'll want to make you feel secure. If something is wrong, he'll care. Basically, all of the above boils down to a few simple, yet powerful, things: And once you've been treated well by a gentlemen, you'll never settle for less ever again.
Im getting mixed signals and I can't quite call it. Im a Cap woman and I met my Taurus man a little over a month ago.
We dont get to spend time often, but When we're out, he is very attentive and affectionate towards me and gives me the most passionate kisses!
He always touches me too.. With a firm reassuring grab on my elbow or a caress on my back. He pulls me close to him and I've noticed the possessiveness everyone mentions. I've met some of his friends at public functions and he asks for kisses so 'everyone knows we're together' When we aren't together is when I feel like he is flaky and I get the mixed signals.
We usually only speak whenever I initiate texting. He responds back rather quickly for the most part, but still. He seems kind of private which I respect because I am initially the same in the beginning too, but he seems more private than me. I call and he doesn't answer and I chalked it up to him possibly not being a phone person, because I know not everyone is.
I like to wake up to a good morning text every now and then too! I am not used to pursuing any man and it feels like I am doing exactly that. He seems like a good person otherwise and I feel like we really do click. Something about him intrigues me so I'm not quite ready to give up on him. Maybe it's my stubborn nature as well. Maybe the uncertainty makes me want him more.
Normally I would have fell back and left it alone due to me feeling like he wasnt interested, but after doing my research on Taurus men, I feel better knowing that this is typical behavior and its not me.
But taking his zodiac sign out of the equation, is this really acceptable? I just want to genuinely get to know him better, but I can barely do that. I am being patient, but how do I know he's even worth everything in the end or just stringing me along? I feel like he has me on a string. I've never felt like that and i dont like it. As a Cap I dont like to take risks unless they are worth it. One time I didn't speak to him for about a week.
I sent a text on Sun, another on Mon -- both no response. On Friday I sent a text saying that I missed him and he responded telling me to come see him in the other state he has a place in. He was supposed to get back to me with the details, but then he flaked! I simply said 'so im guessing you either had a change of heart or it wasn't important to you'. All he could do was say sorry and answer my questions with more questions! I felt like I didn't even get anywhere when the texting back and forth was done!
I just feel like if he wanted to reach out, he would. I never confront him and ask where he's been or why he hasn't stayed in touch. I'm always very cordial when I do reach out.
A week or so after that, I asked him if I did something to bother him because he barely communicates and I wasn't sure if he was still interested. He said that I didn't do anything and that I'm a sweet person and how he is the problem because he's focused on getting money. This could be true or a front to let me down easy. I'm not exactly sure. I had left it alone thinking he wasnt interested and a few days later, I received a text from him inviting me out to an event the following week which surprised me.
I initially wasnt going to go due to work and he seemed disappointed that I wasnt supporting him. Despite my hectic work hours, I still made my way out because I knew it was important to him and I wanted to show him I cared. He seemed happy i came and made me feel special all over again, but of course, after that, nothing. I've made the effort to try to spend time, but he's never really free to.
If I can make time for things, why cant he? I could've 'played' unavailable, because of how he acted prior, but we're grown and life is short. I hate going back and forth, tit for tat and feeling like I'm playing games. Sometimes I feel like I should play the game to get ahead though! What is up with him?
CapricornBeauty, This one's sketchy for sure. I hate to say this but I fear you're being played here. Did you read this article: However, I think you already have determined this for yourself but your ignoring your "gut" regarding it. Feel like you're doing too much of the work and getting very little in return. You're pursuing him and it doesn't feel right to you.
You're questioning yourself and asking if this is acceptable behavior. You're questioning yourself and whether or not he's stringing you along.
You feel like he'd reach out if he really wanted to. You're making efforts to see him and he's unavailable to you 7. You're questioning why he can't make time for you. You feel like games are taking place. You're right to feel all of the above. That's your "gut" speaking to you. The signs are all there, yet you're blocking them out and seeking answers - when you already have them. Anyone who makes you feel like this, makes you question yourself like this, is toxic to you.
He's obviously not fulfilling your needs and he's manipulating you via your emotions. Use logic here, not emotions. I particularly dislike the fact that when he resurfaced and wanted you to attend an event with him, you rearranged your schedule to accomodate him. That's a BIG no no. Not unless the individual does the same for you, which he is not. And how did he repay this? That is not a good character trait and he's proving he's unreliable, selfish and disingenuine. He's a manipulator playing games to get what he wants.
And after he receives it, he's being selfish and disappearing. Did you read this article? Either take a stance and use the advice given in the "Disappearing Reappearing Man: Otherwise, you're going to get trapped and caught up in this loop of damaging manipulation.
He's most definitely playing games, even if unknowingly. As women, we are forced to play along to protect ourselves, or kick them to the curb. There is no other option. To refresh your memory my last post was August 19 from Anonymous So, "he" came back after I started to forget about him Anyway, the first day he contacted me after about 2 months I replied 6 hours later as I was busy with some friends and I felt it didn't warrant a speedy response.
So when I finally replied he invited me to a family gathering which I couldn't make but to make a long story short, I met his child for the first time, we spent the weekend at the beach together, he accompanied me to a friend's b-day party which we had a big argument that night and he called me the next morning to apologize , we even planned to take another trip together.
We discussed going to a show together and when I asked if he was going he just said "probably not". The moment he said that I knew in my gut that he was about to disappear once again. His responses became more and more short so I started to back off and fell off of his radar, as you put it lol. I know I wasn't the sharpest pencil in the box to let him back in so easily but his actions were showing me that he was trying to redeem himself and that he was serious this time around.
After he ignored the last text I sent him, I refuse to contact him again. I wasn't blowing up his phone or constantly asking to see him, I actually gave him plenty of space so I don't think I was coming off as clingy or needy.
I think I am finally learning that when dealing with these men, it will serve me right to act and think out of logic instead of emotion, as you have stated here before. And might I add, it seemed that the more I let him lead, the more open, responsive and available he made himself to me.
I mean, it wasn't a struggle or fight to spend time with him or to get his attention. But when he gets a whiff of my overbearing emotions he creates distance.
Why do you think that is? Anonymous, Congrats, you're now starting to understand why this works and why it's important to let a man be a man. It takes some time to get this right, and I think I see where maybe you made a few stumbles with him.
First was you answered too early. He disappears for 2 months and he gets a response from you the same day? Never do that, it's not nearly enough time to make him worry you may be done with him or to think of what he's done to you. When a guy like that snaps his fingers, you don't pop up on his radar right away.
A guy like that gets a response a minimum of 3 days later. Remember, you're really too busy to respond and you're out there having a great time - without him ;- Second, you let him back in way too easy. What'd he have to do to get your attention again? Send a text, make a phone call? That's all it takes? No way, not with a guy whose pulled the disappearing act. And the way you make him prove he's serious is you ignore him, you don't respond for days, you make yourself scarce - and you wait to see how far he's willing to go to win you back.
You make him work for it. And by work for it, I mean he has to make repeated calls and attempts to see you. That's how you know if he's serious or not. If he isn't, he won't bother. If he is, he'll bother. He didn't have time to prove via actions i. He really didn't have to do much at all other than contact you. Lastly, you're contacting him.
You said he ignored a text you sent. Never initiate contact or communication with a man, that's purusing HIM. That's how you know if a guy is serious or not.
It's good that you backed off, however, you shouldn't be the one contacting him at all. I know you were hanging back more than usual here, but look at it from his point of view. He disappeared and resurfaced two months later. He contacted you and you responded the same day. Check one point for him. Then he talks his way back in rather easily, without having to put much effort into it, or apologize. Check another point for him. Then, once he's in, he doesn't have to lift a finger to prove himself because you're initiating contact with him, you're pursuing him.
From his point of view, this was rather easy. He now knows he can disappear again and come back whenever he wants and you'll be there with little effort on his part. He just has to contact you and be nice for a few days or weeks and that's it, you're doing the rest of the work here. There was no "challenge" for him, nothing exciting. It was too easy. Then you come on a bit stronger with some overbearing emotions as you put it, and he bails.
It was too easy, there was no challenge, nothing exciting for him to work for. He's being pursued by you and now he's getting a sense of your emotions.
He felt pressured and bolted. Men don't like emotions, they don't understand them at all. The run because it feels like work, not fun. Men don't want to be someone's therapist by dealing with complicated emotions involved. They don't want to be the "end all be all" to a woman. It's too much pressure.
They like independent women who do their own thing and who are a bit of a challenge to win over. They find it exciting and it piques their interest. Boring and safe is no fun, ya' know? He will be back. And next time, you don't answer him for 3 days at minimum. When you do, you're really busy, you're not immediately available, you don't have time to talk. You brush him off.
You make him work at this to prove himself. If he asks you out on a Friday, you're busy, it'll have to be Saturday. If he doesn't ask you out for the weekend before Thursday, you're not available that weekend, you've already made plans. After the 3 day period is over and you respond, when he texts you after that, you don't respond for hours. No text sessions back and forth. If he phones you, you don't answer. And you don't return that call until the next day.
Because now, the third time around, he's REALLY got to prove himself via his actions - he needs to pursue you to prove he really wants this. So you need to make yourself scarce to see if he does that. He needs to try, and try again, and try again, and try again. That's how a man proves via his actions that he's seriously interested. He works for it. And this one really needs to work for it, come the third time aroudn ;- You're getting it though, it takes time to fully understand why and how this works.
Keep doing what you're doing and eventually, this will all come to you in time: Anonymous, BTW, I think there's a book that you'd really enjoy that explains all of this in detail, the why's and the hows. It's called, "Why Men Love Bitches. There are other books out there that all say pretty much the same thing, but I think you'll really enjoy reading this one.
I think it will really help you to understand: I love you for this Aphrodite Bull! You are so right on more than one level. After reading your post and you pointing out where I went wrong with my actions, I now know what I must do differently the third time around and for any guy, period. I let my emotions takeover and it never gets me the results I am looking for. But yes, I am learning how this game must be played.
I hate to call it that, but it is what it is. Oh yes, I read a few excerpt from that book and from what I read, it made a lot of sense.
I guess I should go ahead and purchase the book so that I can read it in its entirety to gain more insight and understanding. Basically, I've been doing everything wrong as it pertains to the "dating game" but things are becoming more and more clear to me. I truly appreciate your time and insight and I feel more than confident to act accordingly when the time comes, but I might you need you on standby just in case I get stuck along the way Do you have an email address?
Many thanks and I will keep you posted! Hi, I have been reading ur posts and the advice you give out is very good.. I'm trying to use it to deal with my current situation. Long story short he stopped talking to me, we haven't spoken in about 3 months in this recent dissapearing act stunt. I made the mstake of calling and texting and even telling his best friend to tell him to contact me, to get no reaction or response.
So I said f that and decided to go silent as well. Last time we spoke and I attempted any contact was July and I have to constantly remind myself if he wanted to stop his bs he would, but he is a libra and he is gonna do it on his own time. I didnt even stop the silent treatment for his bday.. He might come back but. Wanna call him so bad, what should I do?? Anonymous, Whatever you do, do not contact him. If you do, you will be giving him yet another opportunity to hurt you.
Don't give him that. If you contact him, he may reject you, be ignorant to you, say mean and hurtful things and it will also look like you're attempting to "convince" him to be with you. No woman should have to convince any man that she's worth his time. A man who is genuinely interested in you will treat you as such. He will be kind, he will make time for you, he will call you and make attempts to see you.
That's what a woman deserves. Hang in there and each time you feel like contacting him, do something else instead to forget the feeling and distract yourself from doing so. Thank you for the advice ms. He was cool, not a jerk like a Libra can be. I do agree with you, I left the conversation feeling like I was hinting at an us.. I'm just taking it day by day. I do like him alot but I have to put my feelings on the backburner for him and play it cool.
I am a Gemini and once we are into thats it, but once were not thats it as well. What do you think is the potential for anything from this since I "gave in"? I bought the book Why Men Love Bitches and started reading it a few days ago.
The one thing that stood out to me is that NOT once did the author give advice on how to successfully or effectively chase or pursue a man lol. This is because women are not psychologically or mentally built to chase or pursue a man. One of my friends believes that when a woman chases a man is leads to insanity on the woman's part and I'm sure most women would agree with that. I now see where I went "wrong" in my dealings with men. I'm not beating myself up about how I handled things in the past but now that I've gained some insight on how a man's mind works, I just hold myself more accountable for my actions toward the men that claim to be interested in me.
I totally get the "no chasing or pursuing a man rule". I think this is where most of us women get caught up and it only results in the man disappearing and ignoring our advances. One of my favorite principles in the book was that "Men don't respond to words.
They respond to NO contact". This is also very true based on personal experience. Right now I am being ignored without any explanation as to why, it's going on three weeks but I have not and will not contact him. If he wants to see me and is interested in me, he'll come to me and all I have to do in the meantime is sit back and look pretty lol. I'm pretty sure he's starting to wonder what's going with me because I didn't send the "angry" text or the text asking him why he's ignoring me I'm going to be honest and admit to having a few weak moments and started to send a text or call but I asked myself, "How will contacting him benefit you at this point?
If you want different results, you have to do something different, period. After reading a couple of chapters from the book, I started to feel less threatened by the disappearing acts and periods of silence and being ignored.
It is not the end of the world when they pull these stunts, which I used to think it was lol. All we have to do is just stay calm and relaxed and live our lives. I am kind of glad that he's MIA right now because it gives me time to prepare myself for when he comes back so that I do not make the same mistakes as before. I met a guy recently and I've been applying things from the book and I must say, I am liking the results! Anonymous, There you go. And the best part is, you're going to feel much better about yourself and more in control.
I'm doing well; thank you again for all your advice in the other post re my situation with the guy who's seeing another girl in another state. Thanks to your guidance, I'm now armed with the proper mindset and knowledge on how to deal with men and it's so fun too!
I'm in the middle of ignoring the guy for days he ignored me for 5 to balance things out. Feels great to put myself first! Anyways, I'm back with a different question. Would you say it's a red flag for a man to send me multiple messages at different times on an online dating site, when I haven't responded yet?
One guy in particular - a scorpio who's new to the city - likes to ask A LOT of questions. How was your week? What do you do online for work? You sleep late, do you work overtime? These are split up into multiple messages. Initially, after seeing he was a scorpio, I sent him a message rejecting him in a nice way: At this point, I am quite curious as I haven't experienced this before.
I told him, "You're so persistent. Overall, a friendly guy. At one point, after I responded with a short one-liner, he wrote, "You sure are hard to get talking haha. What they do is send a new message every few hours. These men are educated, fit, and decent looking. So what's going on? Are they acting this way out of confidence in pursuing a woman , or are they desperate? I am wondering if this just means a guy will fade quickly, as he's coming on so strong in the beginning.
Vivian, I always consider coming on strong a bit of a red flag. It's not necessarily one to run from, but definitely one to be aware of, to keep in perspective when dating the guy so as to not let yourself be fast-talked.
It's been my experience, in those situations, that the man had some sort of A. Believe it or not, I even had one guy ask a question, then answer it himself in the next sentence. It was like his entire email was a conversation with himself. In these cases, it's not that they're necessarily bad men, however, one was very controlling and another because damn near impossible to shake when I decided it was a "no. It's just that when dating a guy like that, watch they don't become control freaks, expecting you to be in constant communication with them several times a day throughout the dating relationship.
And watch that they don't become unstable when attempting to break away from them is all. I usually give a guy that persistent a chance. So far, it hasn't worked out, LOL, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve a chance, at least one date, to get a better feel on them. If they begin answering their own questions on the date, then run, LOL. But one date can't hurt. And if they are nice guys, just be aware that they've come on strong - don't let yourself be fast tracked along into anything you're not ready for and try to pace the relationship down a notch or two, to get on the same page so that you don't get snookered here.
Just go in eyes-wide-open is all and have fun with it. I'm impressed with your perspectives on these "disappearing" cases I would love to hear your take on mine! I met a guy at work last year and we dated for 2 months. We had amazing chemistry and I had never fallen so hard for a guy before not even for my ex of 6. It felt like the feeling was mutual He hated his job and ended up applying elsewhere, and once he got an offer, our dates dwindled. Yet he would still visit me every day at work for long periods of time and text me throughout the day.
I took that to mean that he was politely rejecting me, so I pulled away. We made small talk, and he kept trying to feel me out to see whether or not I was single. He then asked for the next day or evening a Saturday…interesting , but I already had plans.
He said he'd call early in the week to make plans. He did text me, but only asked how I was doing and said that he was working late…and then, nothing.
He did mention just moving to an area closer to me, so I thought maybe he had taken enough time for himself to separate from him ex, get settled into the new job, and was potentially ready to see where things could go with me. Anonymous, With all of the new technology and different abilities to communicate with one another nowadays, there's a new kind of "dater" on the block - the text buddy.
It's not real and it only exists in the virtual world, not the real one. That's what I think is the case here. Some people just like to know that someone is there. They don't have to be right there with them, but "there" to reach out to and take off the shelf if necessary. He wants a friend, he wants a buddy, he wants a text partner, he wants a Plan B available to him, should he find he needs one someday.
It's part ego-stroke combined with the fear of being alone. Knowing someone is there dissolves the fears of loneliness and being able to communicate with them at will and receive attention and affections via virtual reality strokes the ego and is a confidence booster to them. Men and women both do this and this trait is showing up in online dating and "virtual" worlds in droves nowadays. I know a lot of women who actually think they have relationships with a man because they've been texting for 3 months - even though they don't date in reality.
Same with men, I know men who have women they have virtual relationships with but don't date in the real world.
Let's ignore his words and look at his actions here. All the excuses he's been dishing the entire time combined with the distance he's placed between you, leaving this go for a year and then starting it up again, appears he only wants some virtual support and may be using you as a "go to" for this support when things get rough for him in the real world.
This is fast becoming a dating epidemic. If you want a text buddy, go for it. But don't hold your breath waiting for this one to step out of the virtual world and into the real one. Mirror Thanks for the prompt response! I have heard of this type of relationship before, but I hadn't thought of my situation in that framework. It would make sense, guess I just thought that since there was actual dating in the past that it may have been something more.
I'm definitely interested in a real relationship, not a virtual one, so I will continue to go on dates and live my life and let the pieces fall where they may. I have been reading about your NC rule, would that tactic even work in this case?
Wow I think the Text buddy has hit the nail on ther head for me. We met one time,, which afterwards I received an email telling me how amazing I was. But from that point on, we have not seen eachother again,, I have offered to drive to where he is,, yet he does not ever give in. He has even went so far as to have banter with my 8 yr old son, and has even mentioned he bought a case of honey buns inside joke for him,, which would imply that he obviously plans to come down at some point.
So why isn't it happening.. So this is really disappointing,, and I dont know what to even think now. Yes, you'd probably hear from him - but for what? It'd only be another text and not a real date I bet. So I'm not buying that one, it's appearing as an excuse to me. Men are always going to lead a woman on to think there's something coming in the future - or that there's a future period. That's how they keep women in "rotation" and keep Plan B's in their life - i.
Throw this fish back into the sea. What are you waiting around for? He won't get his budget balanced any time soon and even if he does, he'll have another excuse. Don't let time pass waiting for him to come around - go live your life. He'll be a good friend, one you can always text or talk to.
But as far as a boyfriend or partner, he's acting a bit too sketch for me. Only one date, doesn't want to spend money that his wife may track , doesn't want you driving to him so his wife, family or friends don't see the two of you in town together - I don't want to scare you, but just consider that.
Either way, his behavior is "off" somehow. Don't wait around for him. Move on and be happy. He's not going anywhere, he'll still be a friend in the virtual world. Anonymous, One last thought.
Words are just words, it's the actions that speak the truth. If he says there's a future, yet his actions do not indicate one -- then there's no future.
Talk is talk, it's all BS. True, that would probably be the case Which is why I'm wondering if there's something I can do to change it.
I wouldn't hold my breath per se, but if he does by chance text me again and merely makes small talk but doesn't make plans , do you think it would be wise to say something like "If you are ever interested in dating a nice girl, give me a call Anonymous, Sure, you can do that. But if you do, you may ruin the friendship and any chance of him ever stepping up to the plate, if that's something you want to happen here. Besides, those are words. Men don't hear words, they don't respond to them.
But they do respond to action. So instead of using words, why not use action? Meaning, change YOUR actions. Drop any and all expectations you have of him and of the situation. Start dating others and just move on. No need for a "talk" that'll drive him away for good because it's a typical female emotional response that men expect and don't take seriously or respond to.
Iamges: what does dating mean yahoo
So now you claim that you are not one?
So what happened, because when he was moving too fast an tellin me he loves me so fast after only a month I let him know he doesn't and now I'm responding he's losing interest. My other friends said that we would make a cute couple and that he so liked me back. You have a few options though.
As far as believing the Watchtower society, 'Do not put your trust in nobles or the son of earthly man to whom no salvation belongs'. Still, if a guy regularly ignores you, disrespects you, or puts you down, you need to seriously consider moving on. He wants to hurry this process along wbat he can get in what does dating mean yahoo get out just as quickly. A girl met a guy on net. No big deal right?
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